Deciding, family stress and head injury!!!


I'm 8 and a half years post head injury now. (23yo-31!)

Things are still bad at home for me☹️

My mothers attitude towards me is pretty bad and has been for a long time and especially worse since brain injury!☹️The only time she is nice is if I have a job (which is something I really struggle with, especially since head injury).

I've just returned from China where I went to to escape her, and my fathers, wrath for the last 1.5years! The same happened after my first year in China! Before that I worked quite quickly after head injury then quit, travelled, did part time work, didn't like it, quit, travelled, then started my time in China!

I'm struggling to decide on something (a job or way of getting money) that will give me enough to sustain life, deciding where to live and finding a sense of calm while at home!

The sense of shaking internally and feeling bad seems to be worse in the morning and I've heard these kind of problems are worse in the morning (my Nan has dementia and my mum has been dealing with her for the last four years or so. She might have dementia herself. She's displaying some symptoms!)

So I'm really struggling to decide on something and to feel good at home whilst doing it! Maybe I should just take myself off like I've done so many times before because I can't bear the tension/awkwardness/fear and anger anymore!😞😭🤕

Some warm words and thoughts would be appreciated❤️

29 Replies

  • Hi Luke,

    It must be so difficult. It's not easy dealing with the new you, you can't deal with other people's emotions too.

    I think that counselling should be given to the family of brain injured patients. Not just a cursory chat in the hospital.

    You need to do what serves you best, with all due respect to your family there is a lot going on there and perhaps you are seen as able to care for yourself now.

    So Luke, I know decisions like these are not easy but this is your life you must live it for you. Everyone who has recovered from a brain injury has been given a second chance, grasp it with both hands and live it to the full.

    My thoughts are with you.

    Take care

    Love Janet x

  • ❤️Thank you❤️Thank you so much. Lovely great message😊. Great to know there are others out there😊What a great facility this is😊Can't believe it's been 8and a half years! It's only now I'm feeling like I can address things!

    Bless you X

  • No, thank you Luke for sharing, it's so difficult to open up. Do take care, you are doing fine and you will find a solution, just believe in yourself xx


  • Hi Luke. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so lost. It's a common problem after brain injury that other people can't see our difficulties, and often become impatient with our inability to 'fit in'.

    Try phoning the Headway helpline on 0808 800 2244 today or next week (free call : office hours). They will do their best to point you in the right direction for finding work that you can handle.

    Also might be able to help.

    Good luck in finding your way ! Cat x

  • Seek more advice,yes. If you can work but need flexaible hours,why not become self employed? then you could save up and move out. xx

  • Thank you. But self employed doing what? And where? And oh no here come the many different thoughts and quiet ions! But I really like that idea. The freelance teaching English I did in China was my favourite😊 You're righ. So right. I should😊 Thanks you❤️

  • Pleasure,if transport is an issue,maybe get people to come to you.

  • Thank you. I rang headway recently and later emailed which is how I found about about this wonderful facility😊Thank you❤️

  • Have you asked them if they can offer guidance in your search for suitable employment Luke ? x

  • luke join your local headway group and drag your parents , screaming if necessary to a meeting, where they will not only meet people in a similar boat to you, but also their parents and partners.

    why should you feel you have to run away


  • Thanks.

    I did try that before I went to China over four years ago now but they brushed it off with we know it all talk.

    I joined my local headquarters group as soon as I found out about it thanks.

  • then you you need to be strong and tell them they nothing......the only people that can explain it to them are people who have a brain injury themselves.

    luke if you ask ask me the problem with your parents is .........theyre in denial no matter its going to be for all of you , you all need to face up to your demon .

  • Very right. Very strong. Poetic and reminds me of France 😊thank you. That reply means a lot to me.

  • luke i suffer from a brain injury , ihave a very understanding wife , most of the times , a gp im educating , a new psyychiatrist whos really pissing me off at the mo , but ill bring her into line, and an absolute darling of a neuro psychiatrist

  • How long have you had brain injury? Good people help😊

    I think I need a job/life that keeps me moving and not bored or tired in one place or job😊...


  • luke 41/2 yrs mines the result of a stroke. my behavoural issues are under control due to medication, but like everything i could still explode although those that know me will tell you im a big soft lump.

    eh suzie?

  • I'm about ready to tak off parents are alien to me as are most people that want to put me in a box, do what they want and be as dull and boring as they are. after being out this weekend and loitering to music now... fk it...there's a whole world out there. Who am I to be held down by the southeast of England. I survived near death and very near paralysis so I think it's time once again to take off and make the most of the life.

    This is a great tune😂...

  • Hi Luke,

    My thoughts and prayers are with you as I too have found it very very difficult with my parents and my sister. They refuse to accept what Bi is about and won't read any booklets or pamphlets that iv given them from headway. They would accept a Harley Street neurosurgeons advice though...

    It does sound like your parents are going through a tough time too but you have to look after you. Truly hope you find some peace in your journey. Nick

  • Thank you. All the best to you. Finding and doing what you enjoy is important😊 It's the key to a good life I think

  • It sure is Luke. No point doing stuff you don't like.

  • Thanks for all the wonderful comments. I was worried to check the replies! Just like how I've go so used to being slapped down and being told to ignore head injury!

    Wish there was something useful I could do, that supports me...

  • Morning Luke,

    Sounds to me like you have the "Self worth blues", I used to get them all the time, not thinking I was worth anything to anyone or society.

    You are!

    Get out there and do what your heart is suggesting to do even if it means helping in your local Headway centre or helping in a shop, gives you an enormous sense of well being and self worth.

    Have a positive Friday matey and God Bless. Nick

  • Right! Spot on. Perfect diagnosis. Treatment??? Thing is I've worked and in China but it wasn't right for me!

  • Just remembered Luke, you might like to try 'Remploy' an agency with government backing which helps people with health issues in finding suitable employment. x

  • Yes thank you.

  • Hi Luke,

    As you are obviously a good teacher, how about volunteering with the Adult Literacy Scheme to give you a bit of self worth? Also does your local Education Authority need teachers for their evening classes? That would be paid work. How about advertising your services to people in your area who need to learn or improve their English? There are lots of avenues open to you and you may then get enough money to be able to get yourself a flat. You may find you and your parents get on much better if you don't live on top of each other.

    Would they come on this site do you think? It may teach them a lot. Maybe we should start up a section for families of those with bi's?


  • That's very kind of you but I'm not sure about teaching, living in the UK or much at all. I feel I need to go away, be on my own for a bit …hitchhike and camping. Its what I know and what feels will give me a release😊

    I'm not sure the UK can offer me what I need. Its all a lot to think of! Best to go with what feels good 😊but with brain injury that can take time and others don't like that!

    One thing...I don't like the bi abbreviation for brain injury. Its used for something else! And I'm not talking about planes 😄

  • My granddaughter is at present travelling the length of the USA with a friend, on a challenge to spend no money for 6 months. She relies on couch surfing, food banks, the generosity of strangers. Would something like that appeal to you, it would be a great challenge.

  • Hi there, yeah, thanks but I done that a million time and with only my own support. Most of the time I was hoping I would die so until that I travel. I'm getting to that stage again. I think a good woman really helps so I generally travel until I find one 😉...

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