What a day

[Pinkstarburst]

Morning all, Im 15 months in from my ruptured aneurysm now, coping well most of the time,just a post to tell you what a day I had yesterday,

I’ve turned 50 and got appointment through for a mammogram, fine it was 2-35pm, my husband drove me, I said it says I will only be half an hour so u wait I’ll be fine, we arrived at 2-15pm

I asked a member of staff who was standing outside which way I needed to go

Thank you I said and off I went to find I was totally in the wrong part of the hospital, I stood looking at the boards trying to figure out which way, asked more staff who replies were sorry I’m not sure, I was getting more and more anxious, sweating my socks off, eventually I stopped at a desk to ask and the lady tried to tell me so off I went in the direction she told me, I could feel I was getting in a tizwaz feeling upset, I went back to the beginning outside and started again, nope still couldn’t find the unit I needed, now let me just say I’m far from being stupid, I can follow instructions and directions, but this was just ridiculous, I was now 15 minutes after my appointment time,

I ended up in a really upset state to a member of staff, where I ended up having to say about my aneurysm, and how now I can’t think straight or actually take in anything she was saying, a lovely porter overheard and said come on I’ll take you, honestly I was so upset, I would never reacted like this before my aneurysm, I know I’ll never be that person again that I was before,this incident proves that to me, Oh and to top everything off, when I got to appointment the lady was going home, switched machine off, she was absolutely lovely to me, switching it back on and dealing with me thank goodness,

I messaged my husband that I was ready and I just knew when I got in the car I would burst into tears which made my hubby feel terrible he didn’t come in, but I thought I would be fine, I actually sobbed my heart out I never want to feel like that again the feeling of not being in control, my head like I had thrown a monopoly board up and the pieces were floating everywhere, sweating it was absolutely awful, I think sometimes I forget the trauma I went through I need to be kinder to myself, that’s my Sunday morning rant over, x

[Hidden]

I don't know if your hospital does it, but many of our local ones have a symbol (a butterfly or forget-me-not) that goes on your notes in you have any kind of memory problem. In theory this means that staff are meant to give you extra help. Might be worth seeing if your hospital does the same, in case you need to go there again. Also, have you got one of the Headway cards that can explain what help you might need.

[Pinkstarburst in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your reply, I have thought about getting a headway card I think it would have come in good use yesterday that’s for sure, x

[HungryHufflepuff]

Hi. I know you posted this for the people you know here to answer, not for the new person who's just turned up. But, I just wanted to offer some kind of reassurance. Or something. It makes it sound like I've come to some kind of serene acceptance, which I haven't, but I think I accept that although life will never be how it was before, life never goes how we think anyway. Though I know there are things I can't do anymore and things that will never be the same, there are things in my life that would never have happened before, things I'd never have imagined doing. Maybe the things you lose (like being able to go to a new situation on your own,) make way for the new things.

Apologies if I've jumped in on your conversation. I just wanted to wish you all the best.

[Pinkstarburst in reply to HungryHufflepuff]

Awwww thank you, I’m glad you joined in the conversation, I don’t post a lot but felt I needed to with regards to yesterday, I wish you the best and thank u again xx

[bridgeit]

I'm not surprised you were upset! Frustration overload. Why not take something positive from such a rotten experience? It's certainly not one you'd want to repeat, so you need a good strategy for avoiding something like that happening again. You don't want to lose your independence, i.e. going to appointments alone.

I suggest you ask for an escort, e.g. porter, whenever you feel that you're at risk of being misdirected and thereby getting lost, being late and feeling utterly stressed out. If you cannot find where you need to go from the initial directions, immediately seek an escort through reception saying that you have medical-related direction-finding issues in certain circumstances e.g. poor directions from them! This is a management strategy; it's not admitting a shortcoming. It's managing your stress to minimize the likelihood of conflicting information that can be given from assorted reception areas in large establishments that can send you into freefall, i.e. feeling a loss of control.

You ask for an escort; you remain in control your situation.

I'd have burst into tears under that level of stress as well. Something else positive? Tears work wonders for the lacrimal system; nothing like a good flush for the eyes!

[Pinkstarburst in reply to bridgeit]

Hi bridgeit, Than you so so much for your reply, it means so much that you have really thought about helping me with strategies your caring post means so much xx

[cat3]

I feel for you Pink. I've been rescued more than once by kind porters. The last time was when there were no spaces in the multi-storey car park and looking around for alternative parking made me late. I was rushing down a corridor and stopped to ask a nurse for directions, twisting my ankle so badly that it broke. I grabbed onto the nurse saying I'd heard the break but she just gave me directions and walked off.

So I'm limping along close to tears when a porter appeared. He straight away dragged a chair from a side room and said 'Sit' whilst finding a wheelchair then taking me to my appointment. He then returning to wheel me to A&E where my foot was plastered. What a lovely man. So I ended up staying for 6 hours instead of what should have been a 20 min scan...

At 15months post op you'll still be pretty raw emotionally. I hope your Sunday has been a good day and that you've had some of the glorious sunshine we've had here in the NW ! Take care, Cat x

[Pinkstarburst in reply to cat3]

Goodness me Cat what a terrible thing to have happened, well I flippin definitely know how you must have felt, thank you for your reply, yes 15 months isn’t that long ago really I do need to remind myself this sometimes. X

[Pairofboots]

We never know, unless we take that step, sometimes it works out, other times, not so good. Never stop trying. Don't become fearful of what could go wrong, because it might go right. Ok, safety first. But before our malfunction, we risk assessed without thinking, now a bit of planning can help. We have had the fear of the unknown since we were born, but we still stepped into the unknown, it depends on how far we are happy to take that step.

Hospitals are renowned for identical corridors, and signs that only a boy scout can follow. Many hospitals have volunteers to help patients, so a call prior to your appointment might get one of these people to meet you, and still give an element of independence.

I know it wasn't pleasant, causing stress and anxiety, but now the dust has settled, you have an adventure to tell.

[Hidden]

Hi pinkstarburst

I don't post much but do read posts almost everyday. Your post hit a nerve with me and I can't believe you have experienced what I do. I am only just over 5 months since my SAH. I have had good advice from here before and have experienced everything everyone else has. Fatigue which I still have. Short term memory. Anger for no reason. Emotional outbursts etc. I took advice from others and over time things have improved. I can now go shopping with my husband, before large spaces were frightening. I cook and prepare meals and do small amounts of ironing so all going the right way but you hit a nerve because my big hurdle to overcome is being able to go out on my own. I tell my husband to sit in the car and let me go round the supermarket. Going anywhere new like

the dentist for the first time since my bleed left me in tears and off balance. Going to my GPs if I can't get my own GP I find trying to explain to a new doctor very anxious and I struggle for words or end up crying. I don't recognise this as me it's like PTS. I thought that it's a mind thing as I look like me. You wouldn't think I had had a bleed and most of the time I don't believe I have and dont think about it. It's just when I do something new for the first time I am anxious, nervous and emotional. Maybe the next time you go to hospital it will be easier as you have done it once. I don't know how I am going to get to the point of going out on my own. My husband is always with me as the DVLA has my licence but I ask him to stay in the car to try and overcome this fear. The brain is a marvellous thing but when it's been through trauma you have hurdles all the time to overcome and you never know when it's going to happen. I am so sorry to hear you had this awful experience and how vulnerable it made you feel when you have to explain your difficulties to other when you look ok. One of my neighbours said "Oh I am glad you are better" the other day but I just ignored her ignorance. I wish you continued recovery but it is awful when you have to explain to others. Best wishes for the future 💖 Carolyn

[Pinkstarburst in reply to Hidden]

Hi Carolyn, 5 months is still very early, gosh I wasn’t going out on my own at 5 months like you my husband came with me, you will slowly do more by yourself, Have a walk to the local shop, or round the block, arrange to meet a friend for coffee, I did all these things slowly at my own pace, I can remember going to town on the bus for the first time and I nearly didn’t get on,but after a talking to myself I did it, my legs were shaking I was sweating I just went to one shop and came straight back, I was off work for 8 months went back part time, reduced duties but sadly last December after giving it a good go for 6 months I decided to leave, the lights the noise were not helping me at all, I’m absolutely loving not being at work I’m not saying it will be forever but for now I’m looking after myself and doing things at my own pace, joined the local gym again at my own pace, The hospital appointment really upset me and was a reminder that I still have struggles, but after saying that Carolyn, I have improved so much and so will you my lovely x

Take care of yourself xx