Back again after a break

[CH56Twin]

Hello everyone

I have returned after a little break from Headway Health Unlocked and it is good to be back.

I have written a couple of poems regarding my illnesses (recently managed to get myself Epilepsy to add to Encephalitis). I would like to think the poems are not necessarily morbid just realistic. Indeed I won 1st prize at the Headway Conference for the poem entitled "Welcome to My World". That was a shocker for me as I have never won anything in my life. Wow! What a lovely surprise.

I will post just one poem now as I am finding this a little tiring and confusing and goodness knows if I will be able to manage this........

Welcome to my World

My World - a confusing place where thoughts and moments blend into one and disappear in the living of life.

My World - where close loved ones try, but do not understand. Often words are released from my mouth but have no order and are frequently lost in the confusion of my mind.

My World - the moments are precious, where I must say what I am thinking and feeling in such a short space of time - else they are forgotten and lost forever.

My World - I am no longer reliable and not by choice. This hurts. I will say I am not reliable and for those who love me I am met with pitying eyes and am spoken to as a mother to a child. This hurts. I am not a child. Yet I know they mean well and love me - yet it still hurts.

My World - where I criticize myself and strive to do better - but it doesn't happen. I try and try and try - so much effort with minimal success and minimal reward.

My World - my children nurture and care for me as I did them, so many years ago - I DO NOT WANT THIS. I am too young. I am not yet an aged OAP- the roles for me are not yet ready to be reversed.

My World - moments of happiness and sadness are forgotten. My recollection is minimal and I am denied the ability to reflect as I have done my whole life. I miss the joy of reflection.

My World - my state of being is subtle and difficult to have others understand. I look well and at times sound well.The crisis and often confusion in my brain is invisible, yet it is very real to me. It is painful.

My World - Mostly my pain and distress is in the moment and occurs every day of my life. From all of this there is one joy and bonus. I forget! I forget how I felt ten minutes ago - my distress, anger at myself and confusion is buried - lost in the deepest recesses of my mind.

Or is it truly lost and not even buried deep? My thoughts are floating in the universe perhaps?

My World - today, now and in this moment - I have peace. There is no effort in this. It just is as it is. Who knows what the next half hour will bring? No worries for me right now as I know I will forget.

I strive to live in the moment, where I find peace.

It would be nice to get some feedback - mostly if others feel the same. I hope you all have a good new year. Clare

[Jaec]

Clare, I found your poem extremely moving and definitely written from the heart. You have to have the lived experience to understand the layers of emotions, anxieties and feeling. I could relate to so many things that you were saying.

Well done

Jude

[CH56Twin in reply to Jaec]

Thank you Jude. I really need to hear that others are similar to me. Have a good New Year.

Clare

[cat3]

So many of your words resonate Clare. Thank you ; I feel less alone than I did before reading..... x

[CH56Twin in reply to cat3]

Cheers lovely Cat xx