My husband seems like his old self a lot of the time but then he says/ does something that makes me realise he isn’t 😦 I’m finding it so difficult trying to do ‘ the right thing ‘ my husband kept asking for his phone, I took it to him what right have I got to take it away from him ! Next morning our son asked if someone was looking after Carls Linkedin account because posts were on Carls account that weren’t in the right context 😦 also had the worry that he had tried to bid on a expensive item which we definitely don’t have money for. I feel so bad that I’ve had bring it home. It frightened’s me knowing we aren’t going to our marriage ever again like it was before he has brain bleed and stroke . I love him dearly and we will get through it , I just don’t know if I will be able to ever be his wife again I’ve been his carer since the bleed caring for all his personal care etc , it makes me sad as well , he was my rock and now when I drive home late at night from hospital I know if I didn’t arrive no one would worry were I was etc. I’m married to a strong kind man but I’m alone 💔
Yes you do have that feeling. In fact once they are home you can at times feel more alone because a lot of us have to take team leader role. Hard if you are not used to it. However you do learn to adapt but it all takes time.
I have removed my husband's phone as goodness knows what he would do on it.
I do let him browse on mine when I can keep an eye on what he is doing. It's very hard to behave like this but it has to be done. On the good side, as time goes on you will hopefully see lots of improvements and you sort out a life for yourself.
I know every day will feel like a lifetime but 6 weeks is such early days. My family thought I was lost to them as I was so confused and talked nonsense for weeks ( I thought my daughter was a neighbour which really upset her on visits).
Carl's brain isn't ready yet for technology or decision making, but it will come in time. Please don't give up hope ; your man is still in there but his brain needs many more weeks to heal and unscramble. It can be a long waiting game but there's scope for vast improvements at this early stage.
You will need lots of love and patience at this moment in time. Six weeks is no time at all. Please treat him with love and compassion as he grapples to understand his new reality. I feel for you but more so for him. Reflecting on how I felt in the beginning, alone, lonely, fearful, angry, depressed, etc. You will need to change as much as he has been changed by his brain injury. Be patient and understanding. Reach out for help and go for counselling yourself. I know of two good websites for support and info; this one and behindthegray. Don't give up on him! x
What you are describing, within your own circumstances, is actually fairly common....Don't Jump Down MY Neck, please hear me out! It is a, kind of, Bereavement for the Person that you USED to know. I was answering, just this point, only today...on a slightly different 'Post'. (in that 'case' it was Mum, who had had the Injury.) Your Dear 'Hubby' needs Time, Understanding, Time, Love, Time, Patience...did I 'mention' TIME?
Going back to this 'Phone Thing'....Would he Let you 'Help' him, maybe give him a BIG Cuddle and say, something like, 'Darling, is All This, getting you Down....Let me Help you, my Love' finish this with a big Kiss- and also offer a him a Shoulder to Cry On. (If you end up, in Bed, so be it.) YES it CAN, and Will, be Difficult....for BOTH of you. Your Husband is probably, Putting On A Show Of 'Normality', as much for his own benefit- as yours. Without, trying to be, too crude...He Hasn't a F..king Clue, what's 'Happened' to him! He MIGHT, at an academic level, have some inkling but emotionally.....
Ok now let's look at some Positives...Your Husband knows You, and his Family, which is a Good Start! Your Hubby CAN clearly Wash, Dress and 'Toilet' himself. He obviously Remembers, at least to some extent, Who and What he was. Hubby clearly WANTS to return to 'Normality', which means that he DOES recognise the problem...to a Level, so to speak. How does THAT song go...'Oh We're Half Way There, Woo Hoo, Living On A Prayer, Take My Hand We Can 'Make It', I Swear, Living On A Prayer'....Well you have made a Decent 'Beginning' anyway.
Sorry that I can't Offer you, anything Else, Soulmates (what a Lovely 'Name' by the way.). As I said, several times above, give him time, love, care, understanding and support- be that physically of emotionally. Gently, and only when you think this appropriate, offer him Reminders/ Memories, of your life together...you might be Pleasantly 'Surprised', by his response. (Sorry...but, one Word, of Caution...If he becomes too Physically (Sexually) Demanding, then Call A Halt- very Quickly. This is necessarily 'Difficult' to quantify, and Rather unlikely. However 'Inappropriate Sexual Behaviour' is a Possible 'side effect' of Brain Injury. I'm QUITE sure, that Everything WILL be 'fine' Soulmates but better to be prepared. Sorry, once again.)
Finally may I, on behalf of us ALL, wish you ALL a very Merry Christmas. Our Prayers ARE 'with you'.
Hello soulmates, i find, when my partner is fatigued, it's the hardest time emotionally for me. It's like he's emotionally dead and I'm just a person there with him. I know it's because he's fatigued, but when I'm tired, it is upsetting, but it isn't personal, it's the effect of his brain injury. I do have support, that's a recent thing and I have started to do other activities outside the home, with family or friends.
I did monitor his use of his mobile phone in the early days of him starting to use it again, they are vulnerable and I also noticed it made fatigue worse. We try even now, to leave the phone until later in the day, as he is an avid Facebook user lol.
For us as a couple emotionally, it's windows of opportunity and I don't mean sexually, that, for the moment is on hold, but we do have moments of laughing together, which is important, hugs, kisses and it's grabbing the moments. That's what keeps us going 😊 x
Dealt with it all for 30 years but still dealing with it and love him the same as when we were 16.He is My husband who has sustained a head injury.Onwards and Upwards
I can only echo what everyone else has said - 6 weeks is really no time at all. You will see improvements. It's getting on for a year for my husband, and I am hoping he will continue to make progress over the next year or even two. Hang on in there, I know you will. All the very best. xx
Early days, it will get better slowly and you are such early days yet. Look up Anosognosia, my husband ( brain haemorrhage 18 months ago) had that on his discharge notes. I think it means not understanding his limitations and not aware of his disability. My husband had difficulty with process early on, and got so frustrated he could nt organise our bills and finances like he used to. He needs to accept he has a problem before it can improve. With support it can improve greatly.
It will be different in the future but you still have a future and it will be a good future. You will grieve at some point for what you had, what he was, then you will embrace who he is now and have hope for your future together.
You do need to take the lead now and if you have an alpha male that’s so hard for you both. I’m so much more capable now and happier for it. You are the team leader for a while but he ll begin to take back tasks/ jobs whatever.
I think you can be a wife in a happy, loving relationship and be his Carer too.
I believe they do go together, something about for better or worse , in sickness or in health.... life is nt all smooth sailing.
You say he’s your rock, a strong kind man. Well he still is. He just needs some tender loving care for a while. He deserves that does nt he. ? Hang in there, ask for help, call in favours from friends.
Life will be different in future but but it can still be a good future with happiness, laughs and love.
Hi Soulmate, My hubby was ever so kind to me it was like falling in love again but when I got better that soon stopped so we are now back to our usual selves. Not so much arguing as head wont take it but...Do it yourself. I was spoilt for a year and half but once that shunt was fitted it was lovely but we do have some rows and my taste in clothes went out the window. It takes a time as our brains been through WW3 just be patient and the old Soul mate will be back with his soul mate You !!..Remember his brain has had a terrible thing happen to it and it takes us time to remember reality from false happenings ...Now head up shoulders back and give him money per week and when that's gone well that is that !! You ought to see my clothes I got myself when getting better Yuk xxxx Not funny but I was awful lol I knew best xxxxx Good luck
I'm going to come at this from a diffferent angle; that of the brain injury survivor. As other people have said, in brain injury terms, 6 weeks is no time at all. I know that all brain injuries are different, but mine was probably as severe as they get (GCS score of 3,) and yesterday was the first day that I obtained a 'normal' walking gait again after nearly 8 years. I can only urge you to please please not give up on him as he needs your support now, and in the future.
I do not underestimate how tough this must be for you, but you will need to come to terms with the fact that he will require time to recover at least some of his old self. He probably will not be exactly the same as he was, but he will still be there. My injury has taught me something about brain injuries aqnd the world in general: "Nullius in verba"! This loosely means "take nobody's word for it". Some of my doctors and surgeons are probably surprised that I'm still alive, let alone some of the things that I have been able to do with my life since my TBI. To put it simply, my advice is just to hang in there and think tactically about things for his recovery. Read all you can and act accordingly to what you learn.
So sorry you're going through this right now, but you've come to the perfect place for support and information. Your husband is lucky to have you, and I feel sure you'll weather the storm with such a caring attitude. It's every early days so plan to look back at your post here in a years time, and you'll have seen big changes between then and now when you look back to December 2019
6 weeks is very early days and he is very lucky that he has physical independence. I appreciate how you feel as when I'm driving home in the dark from rehab 2 hours away I do think who will check if I'm ok if I drive in a ditch? It's scary and very lonely and some drives I have tears rolling down my face . But you have to keep fighting and being strong . It does improve but it may take weeks months on brain recovery.
Keep doing the excersises as physically he may not really need them but every finger that moves activates a part of the brain in recovery ! So like a soldier incorporate excersise as a daily thing . Fingers , toes , limbs and left right sync.
Also music therapy helps brain healing and neurotransmitter function so do play healing frequency music . Not just personal choice as some damage than heal.
For yourself get into contact with girl friends or sisters or family so when you do travel or away they will check up on you. I found that comforting that someone cared. I remember being lost in a new area miles away from home out in the country and it was late at night as I was returning home after visiting my husband . That terrible feeling of wanting to ring my husband and saying come get me or help me navigate . But the realisation that he can't even lift a finger to accept my call or to even see me calling. Yes that's when it hit me I'm alone . I ended up finding a stranger to help and I arrived 3 am . I was so frightened . I did find solace in God and I do now chat and ask him to come help me regularly. And it has helped . So you can always turn to your belief system as the comfort too
I have to be very ‘ mean ‘ with my husband He spent a fortune on eBay and I was at my wits end Eventually I had to close his account and we have agreed to have a conversation if we plan to spend over £20
He has no idea how to budget any more and can be very upset if he finds a car he likes and I won’t let him buy it The last one was £24k and we have just over a thousand pounds in our bank account
He is very unpredictable financially and he used to sort our bills etc before his accident,..
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Sad today.
Adult son and rules 
Apprehensive about first hospital visit with husband today
Exhausted in caring 
