Feeling hurt

[lbuxton]

Hi everyone

Would like some advice. My husband of 39 years had a cardiac arrest resulting in hypoxic brain injury. He was without oxygen for approximately 15/20 mins. This was in jan 2017. Friday 13th worst day of my life.

I was told he was going to die but he has defied all odds. Walking talking eating etc. He cannot remember anything of our life together. This is so hard to deal with. We are getting him home in two weeks/. He’s been having overnight home visits which are going well apart from him really shouting at me and getting angry. My children tell me to ignore this but I can’t and I just cry! We were so in love!

[DeeDee03]

Try and be strong and absorb strength from you family and close friends to help increase your inner strength because your not alone. Things will get easier but it takes time and patients.

[Clgn83]

Hi, my partner has a hypoxic brain injury... He did have outbursts, it has settled down now c",)

[cat3]

I'm so sorry to hear what a rough time you're having still. Such negative, often abusive, behaviour seems quite common after a brain injury and in hypoxia cases the after effects do often seem more extreme. I'm assuming your husband had therapy during his long stay in hospital (and/or rehab) but for him to re-learn the rules of human interaction might take a while longer, and some tough talking from you.

Our socialisation takes years of coaching by parents and teachers with discipline and bribery in equal measures and, since injured brains often lose their capacity for empathy and basic 'manners' you man will probably need re-educating in a similar way. It can seem insulting to refer to a grown man in these terms but it's a simple fact that a damaged brain can reduce any of us to a very basic level of consciousness ; however with practice and training, we can pick up the threads of normal behaviour, although to what degree depends on the severity & area of injury.

Only time will tell how your man will fare but, considering his progress so far, his chances seem pretty good don't they. It's a cruel piece of fate which changes a loving partner into a stranger, but perhaps this angry man you're seeing right now can be persuaded over time that kindness, not anger, brings rewards & comfort.

None of this is his fault of course.........or yours. Wishing you both better days ahead m'dear.

All best wishes, Cat x

[lbuxton in reply to cat3]

Thankyou Cat. That makes sense to me and helps a lot x

[F1951]

Hi Buxton. I no how you feel. My husband of 46yrs had a brain stem stroke. It's also damaged the part of the brain that deals witsth empathy and .sympathy. he's not grateful for anything you do for him. He'salso prone to temper tantrums. It's very hard and my heart goes out to you.lts not really them.try and remember him how he was.onwards and upwards x

[lbuxton in reply to F1951]

Thankyou so much. I do need to be stronger. I just miss him !

[F1951]

I know l miss my husband to.its very sad. We just have to remember the good times.before this horrible thing happened. You take care.

[Daylight123]

Your still going through the bereavement process, so its ok to cry and feel the loss. You needs lots of emotional support counselling may help and hopefully this forum lets you know your not alone. Big hug

[lbuxton in reply to Daylight123]

Thanks for your kind words x