Awful Cold and 'Lemon Tree'

[AndrewT]

Dear Everybody,

Firstly I have a Terrible Cold, hopefully now getting 'A Bit Better'🤞. However I might be in "Terrible Trouble", why you ask....Well Don't you? Because (I know that, you should, never start a sentence with this), my friends, I just swallowed- Dramatic Drum Roll please- a LEMON Pip, that's right a Tree Seed! And (I know), if all those 'Old Tails', are to be believed....I will have a Tree Trunk, coming out of my Mouth, Lemons appearing in my ears and masses of Roots coming from, well erm don't ARS(e)K! Moreover there, will be, 'Branches' of me everywhere- well all around my flat anyway! So any 'Advice' is most welcome......

I remember, some years ago now, telling 'all this' to my friend's child- James being about nine/ten at the time. (I think he had swallowed an apple 'Pip'.)

I went away, last week, to Hayling Island- South Coast- unfortunately, one of the 'Girls' had a nasty cough....need I say more. Still I seem to be, at long last, On The 'Mend'- a BIT anyway. I know that she couldn't 'Help It' but someone 'Coughing For England', right behind me, is ALL I needed🙄.

Hope Everyone Else is 'Well', kindest wishes

AndrewT

[cat3]

Ah, a viral soulmate. I started with the sneezing, coughing, sniffling, aching two days ago, so pretty much established now and feeling pretty rotten.

The lemon pip reminds me of my older brother's childhood prank of telling me that an apple pip I'd swallowed would take root and grow put of my every orifice .... I spent weeks looking for 'signs' 'til my mum found out and put me out of my misery ! 😵

[AndrewT in reply to cat3]

Dear cat3,

A 'Rotten' Brotherly prank....Would I have done the same? You Bet I WOULD! I hope that you got 'Revenge' somehow. Hope you feel better soon- I Hope that I'm on the mend, mind you, I hoped that three days ago!🤷‍♂️

I'm having to Miss a 'Lovely Trip', to Norwich tomorrow (today now)....I just daren't risk it.

Make you smile, I hope....Good King Wenslasslass (or however it's spelt) phones his local Pizza House "I'd like a Pizza please" he says. To which the employee relies "Certainly sir, your normal one, 'Deep Pan, Crisp and Even"😊

Hope that you ARE Better soon, Keep WARM.

AndrewT

[cat3 in reply to AndrewT]

I was utterly powerless against my brother when children ; he was the boss (I always had to play the Indian so he could be the cowboy). Thankfully he grew up to be my favourite person...…..very caring & loyal.

I've taken to my bed with aching head/ears/teeth...…... sore nose/throat..🥴. Sorry you missed the Norway trip ; such a shame. But if you're feeling anything like me m'love it might just have finished you off !

I'm gonna have to use that pizza joke at Xmas, especially for my grandson.....clever & funny...😆…...thank you !

Look after yourself Andrew...…. Cat x

[AndrewT in reply to cat3]

Dear Cat,

Yes it is a shame, about my trip to Norwich- not 'Norway'-, and I'm sorry that you are now Confined To Bed. So I'll try to make you Smile again.....

This IS where Norway does 'Come In'......That Famous Norwegian King 'Rooo Dolve Za Reed', you MUST have heard of him!, is looking out the window one day. "Zeet Iz Vaining" he exclaims. His wife, whose name is not important (and I haven't thought of one anyway) says "No eet izent, eet iz shnovink" to which he replies....wait for this....."Vissen vooman 'Rooo Dolve Za Reed' knows vain Dear!" (If need be 'reed zis true, a pue timezk, Zat vay yoo vill understandz Roo Dolve….Ya?')

If you are not, completely confused, then hopefully I raise a smile. Let me try something simpler....A Scandinavian Gentle man goes into a Chemist shop. The, pleasant natured, assistant askes "Can I help you Sir" to which the man answers "ZI'd like a De-oderant Pleeze?" "Certainly Sir" says the shop assistant "Ball or Aero-sol". The Scandinavian Gentleman look a little Confused, before answering "Niezer, I vant it for under my Armpitz"!

Ok then...Why does Father Christmas like gardening? Because he likes to Ho Ho Ho!

Jokes apart, I wonder, if St Niklaus had Any idea, quite what, his generosity would start? If you don't know, the story, then do 'look it up'.

I'll leave you with this thought, not really Christmassy but still. If ALL roads lead to Rome how, on Earth, do you get to Spalding?

Love and Christmassy Wishes, to All

AndewT

[cat3 in reply to AndrewT]

"Vissen vooman 'Rooo Dolve Za Reed' knows vain Dear!" 🦌….. love it !! …..and all the others. 😑 You're obviously a great storyteller Andrew.

Erm….no idea why I saw 'Norway' ? ......….not now feeling QUITE so sorry about your missed trip but hope you'll get to Norwich before too long !

Take care, and hope we can both shake of this rotten lurgy before too much longer...

Cat x

[AndrewT in reply to cat3]

Dear Cat,

I'm glad that you, did appreciate, my humour. Here is one that relies upon, the man 'Understanding' perfectly, what is said but NOT what is actually meant. Confused? so was he,,,,

A Polish Man who has been in this country, for many years, goes to a Divorce Solicitor. "I'd like a Divorce please" says the man. "Certainly Sir, what 'Grounds' have you got?". "Oh about an 'Acre, and a Quarter'" replies the Polish man. "Sorry Sir" says the, slightly embarrassed Solicitor "I mean...Have you got a 'Grudge'?". "No, only a 'Car Port', on the side of the house". "Does your Wife 'Beat you Up'?" asks the Solicitor "Oh no I'm 'Always Up before Her'". Feeling than he is getting 'Nowhere', the Solicitor askes "Why do you want a Divorce?". "My Wife is trying to Kill Me, I have 'Proof' too". says the Pole. "Go on" says the Legal man. "She put a Bottle, in the Bathroom.....wait for this.....it said POL-ISH Remover!".

Worse than Rooo Dolve? A Little Girl come running in, from her First Day, at school. "Mummy, Mummy, MUMMY God made ME 'All wrong'!" cries the girl. Her Mother, trying to comfort her, says "No He didn't Darling". The Girl however, by now approaching hysterics, goes on "He Did, He Did, He DID!". Changing Track, her Mother askes "What makes you think that?". To which the girl replies "Well Mummy in Class today, we were told that 'We have a Nose, for 'Smelling', and Feet for 'Running'....but Mummy I HAVE Feet, that 'Smell' and A Nose that Runs!"

A little Boy, in class, is asked if he knows the Alphabet "Oh yes Miss" replies the boy enthusiastically "A, B, C, D.....O, Q, R, S,..." "What 'Happened to the 'P'?" asks his Teacher. To which the Boy replies...….Wait for it....."It's Running Down my Leg Miss"

Anyway enough Silly Jokes....For NOW anyway. Hope you are 'On The Mend'

Kind Wishes

AndrewT

[sospan]

One thing most of realise is that we really suffer badly from colds and flu.

Jokes about "man flu" aside for some bizarre reason once you have a HI, both Ladies and men get colds more severely than before.

Hope you are better soon