The countdown

[F1951]

I posted back in April, finally got the placement in a care home for my husband Peter, he's going on the 15th of July , lts breaking my heart, he doesn't want to go, but l'm exhausted, Peter had a brain stem stroke on16th of june2016,lve cared for him since October 2016, he still can't sit up, or walk,, but he's completely intelligent, difficulty speaking and swallowing , doubley incontinent, can't sleep with the worry of it all, l love him and want what's best for him, at my wits end dreading the 15th, feel like lve really let him down when he's so vulnerable, got him a lovely nursing home, it's so sad it's had to come to this, he's only 68 heart breaking, l so wish god had taken him, he was such a vibrant character, to see him like this is awful, broken hearted wife,

[Kirk5w7]

So, so sorry you’ve had to deal with this.

My thoughts are with you

Janet

[Shon48]

I’m so sorry for you both but deep down you must know you are doing the right thing. It’s a severe stroke and he must feel sad for you too . It’s too much for you to look after him no matter how much you care . I wish you love and that you will get used to this in time .💗🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🤗

[F1951 in reply to Shon48]

Thankyou, everybody's telling me l'm doing the right thing, but it's still very hard, xx

[steve55]

hi sweetness, before i moved to the south coast ( and before my abi ) i worked with the elderly. the number of times ive heard people say this.

as far as im concerned youve done a fantastic job over the past 3 years and i can understand you being exhausted.

the nursing home will give your husband professional, fresh staff. yes there will be tears to begin with, but youre doing the right thing, at least this way hes got you coming to visit him as apposed to you putting yourself into an early grave and your husband having no one.

[F1951]

Thanks Steve it means alot, atleast lve been able to choose a nice place for him and he'll hopefully get good care, will let everyone know how it goes, thanks once again,

[cat3]

The first piece of advice from Headway which stood out for me was for survivors of brain injury to let go of past life and the 'Old me' and accept the 'New me'. It's an incredibly hard task for both survivors and carers/loved ones, especially when past a certain age because our past is the biggest chunk of our life.

But the fear of change can be more traumatic than the change itself because it's a step into the unknown, and this is an enormous change for you to be facing m'dear. But I'm sure you've chosen the best possible nursing home to meet Peter's complex 24hour needs, so please try to focus on this massive move as the kindness and caring one that it is, and one which enables you to concentrate on being a loving wife instead of an exhausted carer.

I'm so sorry for the anguish this is causing you and dearly hope your sadness will ease as you enter a new but less demanding routine, and knowing Peter is in safe hands.

We're always here...... Cat x

[F1951 in reply to cat3]

Thankyou cat, your allways there with kind words, when people feel so out of control, will let you know how the move goes ,l know it's the best thing for both of us, it's just hard to accept, thankyou again.

[cat3 in reply to F1951]

Life can be SO hard ! Thinking of you m'love….. x

[F1951]

T

[Beckham07]

Hi, I had to put my 33 year old son in a care home, it’s heartbreaking, but after four long years he is finally home with a 24 hour carer, be kind to yourself and visit as often as you can, he knows he is loved and you have done more than a lot of people , I had no choice but it will work out for you both. Take care

[Tracy331]

I'm so sorry to hear how much stress. And heart break you're both going through xx

[WinB]

Will husband get assistance ie Physio to get him back on the Right road to recovery as my hubby was told to put me in a home sure glad he never as surgeon told him it was my hydrocephalus stopping me from waking up ..Must be a hard decision to make as was my families to say okay try a shunt ..which meant another op. Hubby was scared I'd die and nearly pulled out but the surgeon rang him and said "If it was my Wife I'd go ahead with shunt op" Now we go shopping although walking is limited to 600 yards. Wishing you both all the best and life throws us curved balls and we have to do what we can with them. Believe in the human spirit and perhaps he'll get better XXXX Good Luck to you Both.

[F1951 in reply to WinB]

Hi win b, Peters had constant phisio for 3yrs, and he still can't sit up, or stand he was quarter a ml from being locked in , so he's done well to get has far as he has, he is deteriorating now, but it's still, a difficult decision, but l'm totally exhausted, seems after 3yrs there's no light at the end of the tunnel.

[WinB]

Must have been an awful decision to have to make Good luck XXXXX

[WinB]

Look after you though xxx as you will need rest xxxx