Should kids visit during Post Trauma Amnesia? Also, how long did PTA last for you?

[Purplelover25]

Hi all,

My partner has recently (5weeks ago) suffered a severe TBI. Was in a medically induced coma for 10 days and he is currently in post trauma amnesia since. He's displaying classic signs - confusion, agitation, very emotional (cries a lot), he is very loving towards me and likes to cuddle. So far, & God willing, he has not displayed any aggressive or violent behaviour. He still has a tracheostomy so not verbal at present, however he is mobile and responds by nodding, shaking head, smiling, pointing.

We have a 4 yr old & 18 month old who are understandably missing Daddy, he is shaking his head that he does not want to them to visit but today he broke down sobbing over how much he is missing them. He does have some injuries to his face and head, i can see it is him however as they are so young I'm not sure what they will think. Does anyone have any advice of if they should visit right now? 4 yr old understands there was an accident, that the Drs and nurses are helping to get him better & visited whilst in ICU and in coma. She was a superstar & was kissing his hand.

I was going to wait until the trach. Was out however, realistically he may not be able to speak for a while (if at all, as he damaged the speech part of the brain) & as the PTA potentially will last many more weeks. I don't want him to scare the kids if he reacts badly to them visiting, & likewise I don't want their reaction of seeing him like this to upset him. My initial thoughts are keeping the visit short.

However, they are all missing one another tremendously. But I don't know what to do for the best. I especially don't want to traumatise the children any further.

Also, I understand PTA is all person dependent, but would love to know other's experiences of how long it lasted & if children visited you and you remembered?

Thank you in advance, it is appreciated.

[cat3]

Hi Purple and welcome. My father was admitted to a mental hospital when I was a child. I came home from school to be met by a neighbour who explained my mum was at the hospital with my dad where he'd been taken by ambulance as he'd become 'poorly' at work.

I didn't see him for weeks and, not allowed to visit, imagined some terrifying illness and all manner of horrors, particularly that he was dying. So my belief is that a child's imagination can be far, far worse than the reality of a situation and, if there's no aggressiveness involved it might be better for your children to see their daddy's alive and in a safe place.

Only you can judge whether his facial injuries and loss of speech, together with the medical apparatus, drips etc.,will be traumatic for the little ones. Like you say, it's a fine balance between this risk and the emotional risk of separation and the mystery surrounding Dad's absence.

It's obviously your call m'dear but, if it were me, I'd prepare my kids by describing calmly what to expect whilst putting a positive spin on his recovery …… maybe even concocting a story of knowing other people who've "Been like Daddy & got better" (many such stories on the forum)…….. and I'd take them, see how it goes, and adjust the visit as necessary.

Good luck in deciding : I'll be interested to hear what you do decide and in your husband's ongoing progress. Cat x

[DTBI]

Hi, my wife made the decision for my two girls to visit me after 8 weeks. They were 14 and 17 though, their age can of course can make see more in some respects than your two. Ultimately it is your decision x

[claretand]

My wife suffered a TBI on December 1st last year, she spent 4 weeks in an induced coma, she suffered two bleeds on her brain, to relieve the pressure on her brain the surgeon removed her bone flap. Thankfully she survived despite a serious lung infection and sepsis just days after the surgery. She has been in rehab now for about 6 weeks and we are slowly seeing the PTA begin to clear. It's a long slow process but we notice her continuous memort returning as the weeks pass. She still gets very jumbled and confused but recovery in these instances is slow and in the early days of recovery quite painful to watch. We have a number of grandchildren of various ages, the 4 and 8 year old were quite traumatised by their visit as the bone flap is still missing and we have made the decision not to take them again until it is put back in. The visit was quite early in her rehab and although you could see the joy on her face at the time she cannot recall the memory of seeing them. Obviously it's your own decision but through my own experience I regret taking the 2 grandchildren. I wish you well and hope your partner makes a good recovery.

[WinB]

Whatever you decide, wish you all the best, husband and Children xx Tough Call xxxx