Will he be the same?

[Lulu44]

My boyfriend had a very bad motorcycle accident on November 19th 2018, unfortunately he was not wearing a helmet. When his parents found him they honestly thought he was dead, it was around 4:30 am so they just rushed him to a clinic that was not equipped with what he needed, he obviously had a TBI but his parents for some reason didn’t understand the severity of this & the doctor kept telling them his brain swelling would subside with medication. Which was obviously not at all true. They lost valuable time at that clinic. He was there for one whole day & was almost going to stay for another when his parents decises to get a second opinion & thats when they went to a neurologist & he said that they needed to get my boyfriend to his hospital because his brain was badly swollen & he was about to go brain dead. They rushed him to hospital, I unfortunately stayed behind. His sister called me later & said that they didn’t know if he would make it through the night. It was heartbreaking. Besides his brain injury, he also had 4 broken ribs & his lungs were injured as well. They started the operation that night & ended early in the morning he had a craniectomy done. He was in ICU in a Medically induced coma for 4-5 days I don’t remember exactly, after that they moved him to a room & started to slowly lower his sedation, he started to open his eyes & laughed a bit. He could talk a little but we struggled to understand him, after a couple of days he talked much better, they had to tie his hands to the bed because he tried to take the breathing tube & the feeding tube out, he did manage to take one out before. Days went by & he was discharged, he was very delirious the first week & couldn’t walk second week he was still somewhat delirious, started to walk more & started to say hurtful things to everybody & was just angry most of the time. By the third week he stopped saying hurtful things all of a sudden, he could walk perfectly but would still get angry over everything & developed anxiety. Now almost 2 months after he still needs an operation to fill in the void that his craniectomy left. On the oustide to people who don’t know him he seems the same, but to his family & I he’s obviously not. He gets irritated by every little thing & is just not completely him yet. I miss him a lot & I’m so thankful that he survived but I just really want him to be him again. Has anyone else experienced something like that? It breaks my heart to think he’ll never be the same.

[Cotton50]

Hi Lulu, I am sorry that this accident has happened and is affecting you all. All I can say is that it can take months if not years to slowly recover from a BI. I wish you all the best.

[Lulu44 in reply to Cotton50]

Thank you, I’m just hoping he can make a good recovery!!

[Angelia1234]

He may not be the same as before but time will tell. Its not an answer any of us want but all of us hear.. Time...

Patience will be your friend.

Wishing you the best

[Lulu44 in reply to Angelia1234]

I’m hopeful he will be somewhat him.

Patience before this was so hard for me but now, I’m just getting used to it & taking it one day at a time. Thank you!

[cat3]

Please be aware Lulu that your partner will probably never be quite the same as before. We have a common expression here on Headway which applies to most of us here...……..'The new me' is what we have to come to terms with because brains don't recover per se, but adapt and improve over long periods of time.

This isn't so bleak and the first months are usually hardest...………...whilst both the injured person, and loved ones, get the hang of a tricky learning curve. But, with time and patience it DOES become manageable and then a new 'norm'.

Try to cope one day at a time and avoid looking too far ahead. No one, not even the doctors, can predict the outcome in a particular person as brain injury is so complex and peculiar to each individual. Patience really is the key ; setting realistic goals without pushing too hard, moderate exercise, good diet and humour are what got me through after my brain injury.

Your boyfriend has made great progress already ! Wishing you both better days ahead m'dear………. Cat x

[Lulu44 in reply to cat3]

I never thought I would be in this situation. I’m glad I can come on here & theres people who understand. I’m so glad he’s alive & I’m just hoping for him to recover fully, it’s been good the majority of the time lately but he can’t really manage his anger right now.

Thank you!!

[DTBI]

Hi Lulu, I suffered craniectomy 5yrs ago and it took me 3yrs to get close to the guy I was before. You can never be exactly the same as you can’t repair the damage you have to redesign it. You may find my book of some help, would only cost you 99p which goes to a Headway, it is on kindle and titled ‘D.T.B.I......who am I’.

Good luck with it all x

[Lulu44 in reply to DTBI]

Thank you for replying

I’m hoping for a good outcome

[SillyPhil]

No helmet??!! For goodness sake. I had a cycling helmet on when I fell off my mountain bike. It was smashed to pieces. I have brain damage. But it would've been worse had I not had that helmet on. That was 20 years ago and I still struggle. Read alk of the Headway lraflets/booklets that you can. I hope that your bf makes a miraculous recovery x

[Lulu44 in reply to SillyPhil]

I’m very sorry that happened to you

yes he wasn’t wearing a helmet, its a miracle he’s alive honestly

Thank you!!

[sealiphone]

2 months is a incredibly short time and although I had no physical symptoms it was 8 weeks before I was discharged. It was another 6 months before I began to function at all and it took around 2 years before I was anything like my old self.

So as everyone has said it takes a long time and you can't be sure, at this stage, how much recovery will occur.

You should ask about the local provision of Neuro-rehab, who help with both physical and cognitive problems such as anger and anxiety.

[Lulu44 in reply to sealiphone]

Thank you!! We’re looking for neuro rehab places at the moment

The doctor didn’t think he would survive & was amazed at his progress

[randomphantoms]

If you are looking for hop in these early days can I suggest reading forum member miracleman's profile and posts .

[Lulu44 in reply to randomphantoms]

Thank you!!

[steve55]

no. your boyfriend that was is no longer, the same as im not the same person since my brain injury.

2 months is no time at all as far as a brain injury is concerned, im 7 years in and have only just accepted " new me ".

[Marc787]

Hi Lulu44 my prayers go out to u and your boyfriend for a healthy and speedy recovery. I had mild concussion 1 month ago and still feeling the all post symptoms.

[Ruckspin]

Hi there I have just joined and seen your post. I had a huge haemorrhage in my cerebellum suddenly it was spontaneous and they thought I would not make it all my family had to say goodbye at the hospital but I was very lucky and they did find me a bed at Addenbrookes hospital and decided to operate on me so I was Flown by air ambulance Where I was given life-saving surgery I had a Decompressive fossa craniectomy and burrhole made for the drain ... Unfortunately I was in three different hospitals for nearly 8 months. I lost my vision completely my hearing went in one ear couldn’t walk couldn’t talk as your boyfriend I had tubes put any where they could stick one 😁 I had to wear special gloves so when I came out of the coma I was unable to pull out the tube from my head or anywhere else before they put me back under sedation, I really was a terrible mess and it was touching go for a very long time. I have gone from not understanding at all too much confusion and fright not being able to Talk or express myself or understand believing things that weren’t real which were horrible getting angry with everybody who loved me swearing and being difficult and the list goes on. It is true to say after a brain injury the cells are damaged and use your brain will die in certain areas but other areas take over everything takes longer to process and we get what they call neurofatigue I still sleep twice a day as I start to get angry and can’t manage, too much noise too many people too many things is overstimulation and it’s hard to concentrate if someone is doing something very simple such as humming or whistling you get lost / loose concentration it’s hard... he will be different as I am but over time with love and support things get better I promise but remember for him he is probably frightened and confused and when he snaps or gets angry it can be because of frustration and exhaustion not physical mental. I wish you good luck on your journey sometimes it’s hard but it’s true that time in anything in life makes things better . They thought I Would die. They thought I would never walk or I would never talk first of all my vision came back I could see nothing apart from couple of centimetres away then it was double vision my eyes were viering off in different directions but time settled the nerves that were damaged from my eyes to my brain. Unfortunately the severity of brain trauma means nothing but time can heal. Be strong he’s lucky you are interested and want to try and understand I am so sorry for you both it probably will take Years it has for me and it does for a lot of people. Although I don’t live there anymore I did live in Essex when I was at school and I would say to you chin up tits out!! Not sure if I’m allowed to say this but there we are I’ve done it sending love sorry for this very long message but I can’t type so I talk to Siri it’s really really helpful!

[eileenleach]

10 years on I’m still going thru hell, is study as much as u can off headway website n get him help now not later d