Controlling behaviour at my wits end now

[janey61]

My son 22 , has brain injury and autistic traits mainly his precision about time , life , facts and his agressive controlling behaviour . He has a truly wonderful sideed all and his life is has been challenging this year but I am his sole family ,, he lives in a house alone as he cannot tolerate others but ha24 hours care a week which he refuses a loofa the time ...it's a really long story but ...I am at my wits end losing my hair literally worn out with m.e and depression ..he calls several times a day and wants to know every detail of my whys and wherefore so , he won't tolerate my fiancé or his kids so today we have to arrange for them to be out so he can do his usual home visit ..I've had a year of his moans and almost psychotic thoughts on what he's going to do to those who've wronged him mainly care manager s ..my local carers group is not supportive the leader mainly off,lads all her stuff , I have just involved a woman fro. Mencap but when I was desperate she didn't call me back ...they've pulled his drivers so now I drive him more pressure on me ...relationship is breaking g down and am thinking of ending that because I really can't take much more ....

His pips assembler saw his money go down , his financial assets et resulted I a bill for 3,500 the walls are closing in on me fast

[Hidden]

You poor thing, you need help. Don't let him destroy your relationship, that is not fair to you, your fiance or his kids. You must make it clear to him that if he wants to visit, he must tolerate whoever is in your house, after all it's YOUR home, not his. You also need to get an answerphone and only pick up his calls when you feel like it, not when he demands your attention. Obviously he has many problems, but by giving in to him all the time, you are not helping him to live a normal life. He needs some rules to live by. Get in touch with your doctor, social services, carers groups, everyone to see what help there is for him to relieve the pressure on you.

[SillyPhil]

Sad story. If you are not careful he will ruin your life and you will end up sad and lonely. I think you need to set some rules. Tell him that you will only take calls from him at a certain time. And stick to it. And you should visit him instead of him coming to your home, and not ruin your relationship by allowing your son to poison it. Tough love required. I am a brain injury Survivor so I know that we can be difficult. But this is YOUR life so you make the rules. I wish you luck x

[1949liz]

Hi Janey,

Have you read the story of the prodigal son, I have read this parable thousands of times BUT one day I read it again, and a light bulb moment, never once did the father search for the boy he waited until the boy(man) returned home and that he was extremely sorry for everything he had done. My son is an alcoholic and much more, whenever he telephoned me being late at night in fact at any time I would drop what I was doing and sort him out. Never again I have cut the cord, he is on his own now and I am free, liberated it’s an amazing feeling. I call myself a mum in wait. I still love him, but never again will he manipulate me or abuse me. I have my life back, because he is a man and has his own life. Because I made this decision for myself he does NOT control my life and I am free.

I pray you will have the strength to do what is right for you. Have a better and positive New Year for 2019 Love Liz x

[steve55]

does your son live on his own or in residential?

i can understand the noise bit because i am noise intolerant and dislike strangers so its not necessarily your boyfriend and his daughters he dislikes its because they are strangers to him.

regarding his pip im surprised you didnt appeal the decision as a lot are overturned at the appeal stage.

for you, i suggest you find out where your nearest monthly headway group is and go along to their meetings, where youll meet others who suffer from brain injuries and hear their stories and meet their wives or carers who have to deal with us when we throw our teddies out of the pram. it may help you in your dealings with your son.

the thing about these so called experts is they know nothing, how can they they dont live with a brain injury.

you want to know anything ( except to do with medication, we can tell you what we re on but we cant advise because wr er not drs ) then this is the place to come.

happy new year

steve x