Returning to life : I've learned with brain injuries... - Headway

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Returning to life


I've learned with brain injuries that it obviously can change a person and since Tony's not talking yet I have no idea how he feels what he wants, remembers or knows. But, I've been scared thinking about the multitude of possibilities he could turn out to be. My question is what if he doesn't love me like he used to OR what if he's not interested in me or something. I'm really scared about that. The brain is so intricate I don't know what I'll get from him.. He could have Mood swings, depression, ETc and GOD knows I'll still be there and work it through with him but what if he wants someone else or is he's completely different...This is all so hard. A living nightmare

We're still in hospital waiting for surgery Monday

21 Replies

I went through it too. All the same concerns. I still have some reserves. Keep telling stories, reminding him of what you two share.


OK I will tysm

Hope all goes well on monday for you both and hang on in there .

Janet x

in reply to Kirk5w7

thanks Janet x


Try not to 'over think'. When he comes home things will certainly be different but you will be able to deal with them. Hope all goes well on Monday.

in reply to Hidden

Argh yes I'll try it's hard n thanks

What you are experiencing is natural but destructive, hard I know, but deal in Bite size pieces, in the now, you will over stress yourself with what ifs there are enough now's to deal with.lots of guided meditations on line they really help to calm and subsequently strengthen us, lots of changes ahead but it is a journey with new pleasures still on that rocky path, alot of energy is taken up on what ifs and alot of those ifs don't happen so stressed over nothing that that energy could have gone into a now moment. I so understand your anxiety and it's so difficult to conquer but there are coping strategies that can help. Yogic breathing is a quick calmer too. Good luck I've been following your posts x

This really helped me I'm gonna screenshot it to always remember thanks so much xx

The 'What ifs' will drive you crazy & wear you out Armani ; so ditch them and focus on the here & now. I don't know how you've stayed positive for this long, but you have, so don't cave in now after all your courageous input.

Focus on your and Tony's wellbeing right now and look no further 'til the time comes ; it might be more manageable than you fear. Don't allow random ideas to sap your strength, and I hope you take time to lick your own wounds and keep in touch with simple pleasures.

I'll think of you both tomorrow. All best possible wishes m'love, Cat xx

in reply to cat3

I know you're all right it's just so hard and I'm so scared. I will try

Thanks so much I hope so too.

I know you're scared ; just wish we could all surround you with love & hugs ! Take care of yourself m'love……….. x

Cannot really give you any encouragement. I could not remember anyone when I woke. My daughter who was 23 months old I did not she was my child. I called my husband a old boyfriend name. I did remember my parents though. It depend. What part of his brain is damaged. He will appreciate you being by his side though and he may eventually remember. I did😃.Show him you love him.

Good luck


in reply to Mufc

Some of the frontal lube awe I'm sorry to hear that I keep pictures everyday OK I will thanks for help

Hi how are you doing? And also how is your mum? About you and Tony, you must have photographs of both of you, share them with Tony and explain to him where you were and what you were both doing. Play music and share your memories of each other. Do you have an alphabet board so you can ask Tony to look at each letters so he can spell a word. You can buy words with pictures on so you and Tony can have a conversation in word and pictures you can get them from any child’s education shop so Tony can see and make a story. Anything to stimulate his brain activity. Hope it helps Love Liz x🇬🇧

Hi, I sorry for you and Tony. I couldn't talk, so frustrating, after 4yrs I can talk but not good. I learnt lot after I live in my own. My family help me and vitaline give me alarm. I join the stroke association group and because I tell them I'm down they tell me if can't go again. I join headway group which I enjoy but the lies from the lady, now I feeling down. My family offering the group help but they threw it back. The hospital forget me for 3yrs for scanning. All this l learn that most professional (????) don't care. Now I love to help others and I will be a care Lady. Tony wife you be strong for Tony always phone the professional (????) people. Never be quite, tell the truth. I wish I can help you. I wish you so much luck in is selfish world. 🍀🍀🍀xx Tell Tony to fight and that he not his own. 💞

Firstly let me say I really hope all your dreams do come true. Michael J Fox once said, "Don't spend a lot of time imagining the worst-case scenario. It rarely goes down as you imagine it will, and if by some fluke it does, you will have lived it twice." We never know what is around the corner, and we can tear ourselves apart with worry, but it doesn't help you, or Tony. If you have heard of the Law of Attraction, do your very best to imagine a wonderful outcome. Thinking of you. X

I really believe that Thanks so much I will be better in my thinking.

show him pictures of how happy you were together, the things you did together.

as far as speach is concerned, get a picture board for to use so he can point to what he wants.

There has been times that I worried about if he could remember me or did he still love me. It is 15 months since his tbi and since he came out of hospital, we have got engaged and looking to get married in a couple of years, but it hasn't been easy and we have times he can't remember the 5 years we have been together, or any mountain we climbed, sometimes the photo's help, so visual is a great idea. Sometimes he even calls me the wrong name, but at the end of it all, he knows that he knows me and loves me. So hang on in there, sending hugs x

I’ve been reading your story and I must say I’m going through almost identical feelings as you had! Thank you for taking time to post your story as when I have a million qs no one can answer I search here for past stories to give me hope for my loved one. It’s so comforting to know I’m not the only one and others before me felt exactly as to what I’m experiencing. And hopefully their stories fwd on will shed hope and light . I will continue to read what happens next :)

I’m 8 weeks in and so desperate for clues . I haven’t put my phone down since I found your story it’s like a light in this hell hole im in. May god bless you both and I pray for Tony’s health.

thanks so much please keep in touch and feel free to message me xx best of luck you can get through this

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