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Hurt feeling

Hi here is a update on my dad last week he had a tracheomstomy done so that is ventilater could be put on there which was a good step, he is trying to talk but can't so we have to lip read at the moment.

The first time that he had is eyes open for a long time on Monday I could see that he was getting very upset and had tears in is eyes, that was a shock to me seeing my dad upset he has always been a big strong person who does not show if he is upset in front of us.

The hospital are taking him of is ventilater bit by bit so that he starts to breath on is own there are so many steps to go yet and its a step into the unknown.

Tonight was the first time that she went to see dad on her own and he said he was coming home with her and then said he was not going to come home at all which upset her, I know he is going to say things that hurt and upset us all in some way we just have to remember that he does not mean to do it and that he still loves all of us.

Thanks to everyone that reads this it means a lot to me that I can just write down anything and everything that I feel.

7 Replies

Hi lesley i was where you are now 5 months ago my daughters are 25 and 19 and your comments i truly understand

I remember the nurses telling me i was the closest to mark *my husband )and would take the brunt of his emotions. This was true but believe me when i say. Your dad won't mean what he says and may not remember it. It's tough but i sense your a strong loving family

I couldn't of got through these days without my girls and im sending you huge hugs to pass on xxx

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And thats why its such a fantastic forum Lesley.

Your dad will be saying things he doesn't mean and you and your family will have to accept them and move on just like I did with my family and still do sometimes. It seems like he's making progress even though it feels slow but he is. You take care and don't forget to look after yourself too. XX N

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That's great news, another step forward for your Dad. While he may not be able to talk much to you, he will understand what you are saying to him. He is bound to be as scared as you all are, but might not be able to express it which is bound to be really frustrating.

I used to watch my hubby at that stay and got to read his eyes really well. He doesn't remember any of that time, not even the times when he said things that really upset me, but he didn't realise what he was saying so try to hold onto that.




Your Dad may well remember those things he said and it will hurt him so much. I remember all those hurtful things I said, but they just popped out and were so unlike me, I wish I could take them all back. But, it wasn't really me and I've tried to make them up to my loved ones, I didn't need to worry though because they knew it was the brain injury.

So, be strong and ride it out, he will be hurting inside so much, hence the tears, he will be feeling helpless and frustrated. I know, I did. Just continue to let him know how much you love him and how he is being cared for.

Much love Janet x


Your dad will be struggling to make sense of his situation ; it's so alien for anyone waking up in those circumstances.

My greatest comfort when I was confused, was a very tall, oriental-looking man, who came to me several times a day to ask me 'Do you know my name ?'............Do you know where you are?'.........'Do you know what's happened to you ?' And I would answer that his name was Matthew, and that I was in Salford Royal, and that I'd had a brain haemorrhage.

I think this gave me a sense of reality and security, in that it took away those feelings of confusion and unreality by constantly reinforcing a very basic common-sense explanation for why I was hooked up to catheters & drips and unable to move.

So it wouldn't hurt to offer your own reinforcement of why your dad is where he is and why. You can ask him questions and ask for responses in the form of nods and shakes of the head. Any type on communication is reassuring, as is physical contact.

It'll be a slow process Lesley, but the first signs are there, so it's all about patience from now on. Don't be disappointed when nothing seems to be happening for days ; the healing isn't visible but it's happening minute by minute and can't be hurried.

Best wishes for the best possible outcome for your dad. xxx

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I am so happy that your dad is making progress.

Being there for each other as a family will help get you through it.

Cat's idea of asking simple questions and the same questions each day is a really good one.




so many blessings to you all,try to stay strong and postavie,and be brave! (on the outside,whislst quaking within!) i used to go home and quake! the news sounds good and i hope it keeps getting better xx


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