Headway
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I’m back from Ireland

Well where do I start. The journey over is about 18 hours. My sister and I had fight an hour before we got home. First one☝️ it was a busy week end it went well I got over it ok.monday second fight . They got pretty nasty as the week went on .I also so turned really nasty on her husband .I made him feel as uncomfortable as I possible could .my sister,last night we had the argument of all arguments it was like the red wedding on GMOT .we are now not talking to each other. This is exactly what I was afraid of and it happened I turned really fucking nasty on my sister .and it breaks my heart,what kills me is she of all people should understand what I battle with because of my brain injury. And I’m not that person who turns on his sister like I did I would never do that in a million years. Now the problem is this. She gives as good as she gets she will not give in and believes she is right she is strong you no . So what’s going on with this flipping thing am I really blind is she right .i ducking hate this s**t .****ing new me are you kidding me . My heart is broken

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Write her a letter and tell her how sorry you at the way things happened. Explain to her the way you have explained to us that you find it hard to control your feelings when aggravated. Hopefully she will get back to you and you can put it behind you. Maybe don't spend quite so much time together in future, just little and often.

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This is what you were dreading isn't it ; your inability to cope for long periods in company and your sister's lack of empathy.

Only a fly on the wall would know what the actual trigger was but it is what it is, and arguments fade in time. So, as Jan suggests, write to your sister and tell her how upset you're feeling and suggest, in time, you should both forgive and forget.

Sorry you had such a rotten time Pat........ Love Cat x

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You are right things are harder.

You also seem to be aware of what you are doing. I got the impression that you deliberately" I made him feel as uncomfortable as I possible could".

For many of us one of the most difficult things is getting stuck emotionally and acting out.

One of the things that has helped me learn is setting up a touch and word with my other half. I didn't want to become raving monster and could see it happening.

My other half agreed so (and years later we still need to use it occasionally) when he recognises that I am beginning to "go off on one" he will call my name in a firm flat tone and touch me on my right shoulder.

Having mastered the basics like walking and talking so many people including ourselves ,a lot of the time, expect us to be healed. If only that were true.

Can I add that focusing on what you don't want is more likely to make exactly that happen.

Have you got any goals you want to achieve? Focusing on a goal means that you have so much less energy to give to the negative.

I feel for you and all that wasted energy.

Please take care.

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I think randomphantoms input concerning 'a safe word' is a good tactic, it certainly helped me.

I was always someone who would say what I thought, before my TBI I was always very tactful but I'd always tell the truth. After my TBI I thought I was acting in the same way, lack of insight was my problem. My wife could spot the first sign and use my Sunday name, so unusual I would immediately notice it and just stop myself.

Before doing this if my wife replayed the interaction to me it never seemed to match my perception of the conversation.

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The thing I forgot to mention, after learning to say nothing I became able to self control, even under trying circumstances.

There's someone I come in to contact on a regular basis couldn't do it at first but now I hold my tongue unless what he say in potentially detrimental and even then I don't loose it, I think.

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Hi Patrick sending you a hug. Is it your sister's lack of understanding and empathy about your bi and how it affects you that caused the argument/s or does it go deeper than that?

I really feel for you that you find yourself in this situation. However from what I've gathered I get the feeling that there is underlying tension (I don't know much of your story or background).

From an outsider's perspective I think you should be proud of yourself. An 18 hour journey for anyone is no mean feat let alone someone battling with the lasting effects of a bi. Doing anything after a bi can take much more effort and use much more brain power.

I went on a mere 7 hour round trip at Easter weekend and spent most of it fatigued probably because of all the prep involved and I was out of my 'comfort zone'.

If that resonates with you at all I'm not surprised how rubbish you feel about how badly your trip went. I would've felt the same.

I agree about the suggestion of writing your sister a letter and I think you should give yourself a pat on the back for all the effort you made...after all you could've stayed at home!

Rachel x

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My sister rang and apologised it’s behind us for now

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