Headway

7,875 members • 10,322 posts

29, Male, TBI victim

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I'm 29 (4 years and a bit after my accident) and recently separated after 11 years so I don't know where I want to be or what I want and I'm alone in my own apartment now for a week and it's beyond mundane and empty.

I live in Cordoba, Spain now and I speak English, Spanish & German natively looking for friendship and seeing as everyone has a traumatic brain injury like me or something similar, it's a great place to find 'like-minded' people so if you're in the mood to talk to a random email me or message me through here

winter_markus@yahoo.com

I took this photo an hour ago in my kitchen area and yes, I do realise/accept I need a haircut lol

My nickname in middle school/high-school was 'baby face' which I hated at the time so my face in the photo screams child, but I'm nearly 30

****Update****

I forgot because I'm a pleb, to explain why I don't have another photo to choose from:

I'm a lifetime photo-phobia guy so this photo of me looking like a recovering addict is my first photo in at least 10 years.

35 Replies

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Hi Marcus and welcome. I might be wrong but you look sad in your photo ............. ?? Can you tell us how you sustained your brain injury, and any after-effects it's left you with.

I know how difficult it can be starting over after a relationship ends. Have you kept in touch with friends who you can still socialise with, and are your family there in Cordoba ?

If you've been alone in your apartment for a week I'm guessing your motivation is zero ; I hope we can help life your spirits ! See you later, Cat x 😐

Hey Cat

Thanks for replying. Yeah, I can't deny it - I'm a tad lost, lonely and having to deal/cope with this freakin brain injury. I've seen much much better days, but equally, I've had far worse so I guess I should stop whinging and suck it up.

My best friend and in reality my only 'real' friend lives in Sweden (he's Swedish) so hanging with him, tearing up the streets of Stockholm lol just isn't possible anymore.

Cordoba is abou 2 1/2 hour drive from Sotogrande (near Gibraltar) where I previously, up until about 2 weeks ago lived with my chica, but my 'roots' are in Marbella and no, I don't really talk to my old "friends" because after my crap/accident I stopped all contact with my old life and people. The only one that I stayed connected to is Tobias, but as I said, he's in Stockholm, Sweden so we never see each other.

Half of my family are from and live in Madrid so I don't have anyone here in Cordoba, but post-accident I can't financially afford either Marbella or Madrid or any bigger economy city/location.

I went from £43,000 a year salary (bank) to being on a £550 a month pension from Germany (I'm a German national) so I'm not impoverished, but not exactly well off so I'm for lack of a better description - broke and stuck.

I have a hell of a lot to be grateful for though and I know that Cat. 90% of motorcycle accidents like mine result in death and even when they live they are one doing just that; living. The specialists told my wife if I do wake up, I will pretty much not recover and they wanted to arrange a transfer to a 'hospice' type setting and thankfully, after 4 and a bit months, I came out of my coma and as you most likely know, I was still 'la-la land' and after being transferred to Walkergate Park for rehabilitation I didn't feed myself at first, walk, talk, walk and even the day I left Walkergate I was still in my trusty wheelchair, but after 2-3 weeks of daily backyard walking training I finally regained my ability to walk, talk (I'm a bit of a weirdo in the sense I am 3 nationality person so my family only speak German and Spanish so I had to not learn 3 languages, but I had to reacquaint myself with them so I could speak, write and read fluidly and without pauses). I'm assuming my english is 100% at the level it has always been and hoping you're not clutching onto your Babelfish app while reading this lol

Basically Cat, I was your typical as*hole on his superbike (Ducati 848) on an English country lane doing 140+ mph when dumb di*k here hit a wet patch in the road and came flying off at very very high speed and my neck became caught on a farmers perimeter fence and my brain smashed against my skull (lights out) & over 4 months of the dedicated medical team at the RVI in Newcastle saying I might die, I didn't and now I'm here either boring you or you're expecting an authors signature at the end of all this

Roger - I feel ya man and I feel a little better after seeing your profile pic lol. My hair feels more acceptable now so thanks

Ah but 30 is still a “young man!” I’m in middle age to be honest!

I’m about the same age re brain injury, I didn’t make it to work one day, I fell was attacked by aliens in the park? Fairly mild injury so I’m high functioning for most part.

My hair will do the same!

What’s your story if you don’t mind me asking?

hey man thanks for reachin out I replied to you at the bottom of my reply to Cat

Markus, your English is perfect ! What were you doing in Newcastle ?

Good to know, thanks

We sold our home in Benahavis (Marbella area) and moved to the NE to be near Donna's family in Durham. We found an absolutely stunning stone house in Northumberland and moved there. 6 weeks later, my accident happened.

What a shame........ Northumberland is a beautiful county. So do you have any ideas for the future ?

Cat, literally speaking - NO IDEA. I don't know what I want or even who I am now in a lot of ways....

I'm half Spanish and I think that's why I lead my path with my heart and right now I'm really lonely and without purpose so that really sucks, but....

Do you get medical/neuro/psycho help ?

Hey sorry I didn't purposefully ignore you Cat, I kinda just forgot to reply and YES i'm going to use the 'brain damage' excuse because in here I can so HA!

I had loads and loads of therapy and last year I was retired from therapy and moved back to Spain

Sounds like you need some purpose in your life. Is there any scope for voluntary work in Spain ? I did voluntary prison visiting leading to paid Probation work, which was fascinating & varied and made me WANT to turn up every day.

Don't give up on yourself Markus ; there's a whole world (as you know) of opportunity out there............. x

thank you Cat I searched for voluntary work, but as a Boston hoodlum would say "it don't exist"

Hi I’ll chat 😁 you don’t need to explain yourself but it made me smile, what was your accident? Lisa x

Hey!! You know I'm like most after a TBI, awake and alert in the morning, but by 2pm I'm really mentally fatigued and almost blowing bubbles so I read earlier what I posted on here last night and thought instantly "my god Markus do not expect anyone to talk to you after that verbal diarrhoea" lol, but here you are! I a bit earlier explained my accident and subsequent recovery which is still ongoing over 4 years later so if you take a sec to read what I replied to Cat

Yes sure I’ll take a peak xx

Your funny I like that and I like that you don’t take yourself too seriously 😊 I’m sorry to hear your in a bit of a rut xx

I read a little of your profile and moments afterwards felt like a steaming pile of dung because my brain near-destruction was completely my fault, but your health problem wasn't at all avoidable so yeah wow you're really brave and your story gives idiots like me an eye-opener that I need to lighten up a bit or start sucking a gas pipe because there are people out there like you that were dealt a bad hand from birth, but persevered by 'grabbing the bull by the horns'.

Aww Thanku Markus, I am just me and my condition is me 😁 aside from the Comas it isn’t that bad I guess lol 😝 xx

You know Lisa-Marie (My ex's cousin is named the same and its a beautiful name) if you're ever near Cordoba, Spain holla atcha boy!

Hehe that would be nice lol what’s Córdoba like? Ooh send me pics 😁 xx

oh my lol I don't have any pics, but I took one the other day that looks like KKK's recruiting, but it's a pharmacy window thing supporting a local church group lol

***now trying to figure out how to add a photo

*tries to copy + paste and fails miserably

how on god's earth do you attach photos??

Markus, when you select 'What's on your mind' to start a post, there's the option to 'Attach photo'. Select that (which takes you to your photo files from which you choose the photo you want to post).

LIFE-SAVER!! gracias

Hey you - listen I was wondering if u have Facebook? If you do if u type in Markus Winter, you’ll find me

thanks Lisa-Marie

I'm since 17, a super positive dude so I don't know I'm being humorous, but I'l take it!

Hey Markus. Pleased to meet you.

Lulu

Hola Lulu

I like the name - is that your moniker or actual name?

I certainly hear you on what sounds similar to a fairly lengthy phase I went through. Living solo and a bit isolated with a TBI I found looking at my diary very deflating. Bugger-all in it, and my self-motivation seemed to have seriously Gone West...

One of my attempts to have a bit more purpose was to do some volunteering. Didn't exactly help with the fatigue issues, but might be worth looking at? Given your language skills (and judging from your posts your engaging personality) maybe you could look at finding some local language learning groups, immigrant support group or whatever? Just a thought. I had many of them, and while certainly not all the s**t I threw against the wall stuck, at least some seems to have... Some leading to not only more sense of achievement and social life but even (Hold The Front Page!) some paid employment! A lot of folk now even think I'm normal'

Man thanks, that was actually insightful and uplifting. Not sure you were goin for that Bards, but holy jesus I'm a believer now!

The volunteering suggestion: I have attempted to volunteer to both a church locally and a language school in town here, but the church only need service-related help and while I'd love to light a few candles and help collect with a money plate, I want to do something that impacts my recovery in a more impactful way.

The language school thing: They only offer staffing positions that are more full-time and I don't know if I want to do that, but thanks for suggesting that - I'll be thinking about that today and a healthy commission percentage I could give you for helping me see the 'light'

Following on from Bards reply.

If the language thing interests you how about advertising your services for 1to1 online, Skype, facetime or whatever the new communication modes are.

I hear that PayPal is a great thing.

It would give you something to do and the knowledge that you are being of benefit to others without the restrictions of employment.

Wishing you all the very best.

that's legitimately a very good idea! I've been a fequent user/member of Paypal for about 11 years and can say backed by experience - Paypal have truly NEVER done a single thing wrong regarding transactions of mine whether in or out so I agree with you

Thanks for the wishes & for the solid suggestion.

-Markus

Hi Markus,

Just wanted to wish you well - you’re skilled and talented at writing, your sense of humour is evident. It might not get you ‘out’ much but I would bet you’d do well with a brain injury progress blog....or any blog for that matter.........you could eventually monetise it perhaps? I’d sign up as your first ‘follow’

Sorry to hear about the rubbish time you’ve had, the accident, and the way things are at the minute.....good luck with finding your way ahead......x

you know Elenor, in life thus far, my impression of the 'general population' may not be wholly accurate, but shows me that generally speaking most people are pretty self-absorbed so you taking your time to make me feel good about myself is really amazing so thank you

Humour-wise - if thats even a word, I got that from my dad who passed about 6 years ago. If he was awake, he was joking about something and I went through the phase basically [childhood] cringing in front of my friends while thinking "pops you aren't funny so please stop", but I sub-sequentially turned out the exact same way and I now appreciate him more than ever. Medical professionals said things like "Markus will more than likely (while looking at my brain scans) have to be moved to a special place where he can live) etc" and that was only if I survived which was not guaranteed and my partner said to them that they don't know me and if there's a way - he has the strongest will and here I am living my own life and in my own 'special place' now with this brain damage madness lol

My words won't be published in the bible and every single brain injury victim isn't going to be a devout Catholic all of a sudden to read what I'm saying to you Elenor, but for those that do come across this -- Staying as positive as you can is in some ways the most important part of your recovery and just either hold onto that truly happy thing in your life or if you don't have that yet; find something or someone that makes you smile and of course maybe refrain from latching onto that/them 24/7 resulting perhaps in a restraining order, but place yourself around that special person or thing as much as you can because liking yourself and being positive might just be that magic ingredient to a full-recovery.