Mum passed away suddenly

[Claireybella]

Evening everyone. My mum passed away suddenly last month. She'd had Alzheimer's for 10 years and was 71. The consultant thinks she suffered a seizure, when they checked her CT scan there was evidence of chronic subdural hematoma and acute. After the seizure happened mum was her "usual" self so we were shocked when the morning after doctors said they couldn't wake her. She then passed away 2 days later. What I'm finding hard to accept is why wasn't she in this coma like state straight after her seizure? What happened that night to make her worse? They did do a 2nd CT scan the morning she wouldn't wake and nothing had occurred overnight. I hate the unknown, not knowing, I need answers to be able to move on. Thanks for reading x

[cat3]

I feel for you Claireybella. When one's mum dies it's devastating, whatever the age or circumstances, and making sense of that loss is just impossible.

I spent the day with my mum and she cooked home made fish and chips for us ; I left as normal promising to perm her hair the following week and she waved me off as always. The following day I discovered she'd been phoning me, knowing she was having a heart attack and wanting me to be there.

She'd only had a health check two days earlier and was told she was in good health for a 78 year old but she died that day. It made no sense that my fit, active mum could suddenly disappear from my life, and it took many years to forgive myself for not being there for her.

Your mum had a degenerative brain condition which was unpredictable and liable to deteriorate suddenly at any time, and second guessing the actual cause is now academic.................and a recipe for despair and depression.

If your mum had a siezure and haematoma, various complications might well follow which no one could foresee or prevent. Try to focus on positives such as the likelihood that your mum drifted away painlessly and unaware of her fate. You need to start the grieving process m'dear, which is a lengthy enough process in any circumatances.

Wishing you strength and peace of mind Claireybella.

Sincere condolences, Cat x

[Claireybella in reply to cat3]

Thank you so much Cat, it still feels like it didn't happen, expecting to still see her at mum & dads x

[cat3 in reply to Claireybella]

The loss of someone so precious is too incomprehensible for us to process at first. Driving home from my mum's funeral everything seemed so surreal, and I was exhausted. For a couple of minutes I was headed towards her road for some tea and sympathy...........

The aftershocks are painful but grief is a process helped most by talking openly about your feelings ; I hope you have supportive people around you.

Sending virtual hugs Claireybella ; I'm so sorry for your loss. Love Cat x

[Claireybella in reply to cat3]

Thank you so much, its actually helped just sharing on here x

[cat3 in reply to Claireybella]

💐 x

[sca2013]

We have a good friend who is a RN who did home health care. She told us that many times just before a person passes they make one last rally and then shortly thereafter pass away. Just like you've described. When my wife's father passed, we had just visited him earlier the day before and had quite a positive visit with him. In fact we both commented about it on the way home. It was very unusual and out of the ordinary for us. The next morning he passed. I am sorry for the loss of your Mom. So many times people die when we least expect it and we find it hard to accept for sure. Wishing you peace and comfort.

[Claireybella in reply to sca2013]

Thank you, it's odd as we'd grieved a long time ago when dementia took her away, and now grieving again. I think she knew it was time to give my dad a bit of life back x

[cazlooks]

The power of the human spirit is amazing, your mum came back to you once more to check in on you and say goodbye, when she realized that you were going to be OK without her she knew it was OK to leave, and so she left.

[Claireybella in reply to cazlooks]

Thank you cazlooks, I really do feel that and on the last day it was so peaceful and serene, she knew it was time x

[Navillus]

So sorry for your loss. Cat3 has expressed my sentiments exactly and hope you just give yourself time to grieve. It’s understandable you want to understand but don’t think it’s something you could have pre-empted. Be kind to yourself. If there was anything evident you would have noticed and done it. Take warmth in the fond cherished memories. I don’t think you ever get over losing your parents - my mum still sheds the occasional tear over her mum and she’s been gone 52 years but they will become less over time. As Cat3 says talking helps.

[Claireybella in reply to Navillus]

Thank you navillus, this forum is so supportive x