Mufc

[Mufc]

My husband told me yesterday he’s going to get a divorce. He says he cannot put up with my moods any more. He’s changed since he been seeing a therapist to help with his stress.

[Kirk5w7]

Hi Mufc, a bit harsh but not my place to make a judgement.

Its not an easy decision at any time, and if he pursues this route i would hope he has explored all outcomes.

You know we are gere for you, maybe Relate could help? Just a thouggt.

Janet x

[cat3]

I know you've been struggling with the atmosphere for a while Mufc and feeling excluded. I'm really sorry to hear it's come to this.

If a divorce is inevitable, will you be able to cope alone or will your daughter still live with you ? x

[Mufc in reply to cat3]

My daughter is sharing a house near to university with a friend so that will not be an issue. I think I’ll be able to cope alone but obviously I will need someone to help with driving and taking care of finances, there is a company called helping hands which if I need to use I can.

So I think I will be able to cope but who knows until faced with the situation.

Thanks for taking an interest

Mufc

[cat3 in reply to Mufc]

So how are you feeling (if that's not a stupid question). I ask because sometimes a split can bring relief from a soured relationship. I know the circumstances were different, but after my divorce I stopped feeling so lonely.

Do you think you'll cope emotionally, and do you have any other support ? x

[Mufc in reply to cat3]

I’m being nosy you do not have to answer but how long were you married for before you separation. I always have said I would not divorce while my daughter was at home. But she now has a life of here own, so yes it is exeptable to me and I may be happier not having to think about him.

[cat3 in reply to Mufc]

I was married 12 years and divorced when my children were 11 and 7. It was hard going as I had various health issues and worked spasmodically. But once the kids & I moved from the marital home and I started to restore an old terraced house, we were happier than we'd ever been.

But after a year or so of bad feeling, my ex husband & I started to make friends again, partly for our children's sake but also because it was just easier. Despite he and I finding new partners, we remained good friends 'til he died from a SAH (same as mine) a couple of years ago.

Are you able to get out & about in your wheelchair Mufc..............I can't remember whether it's electric or manual ? x

[Mufc in reply to cat3]

. Sorry for your loss

. Yes it’s electric but we’re we live there is nothing to see and I need my husband to drive me to areas of interest. To get my wheelchair into a car it needs the dismantled which Icannot do. When he goes I will get a taxi that can take my wheelchair without taking it to pieces.

Best wishes

Mufc

[cat3 in reply to Mufc]

Yes Mufc, we have a neighbour with a wheelchair who often goes off in a black cab to the supermarket and around town.

Once you're in control, it might surprise you how well you cope, especially without the constant feelings of resentment.

See you soon................ xx

[Mufc in reply to cat3]

He told me last night he has organised a divorce. So I have to cope. Maybe when it has sunk in I will appreciate the benefits of being single. Who knows what my future will be.

Mufc

[cat3 in reply to Mufc]

Just found your reply Mufc and off to a GP appt. but I'll be back later this afternoon.

See you later/thinking of you.....x

[Mufc in reply to cat3]

Thanks I shall look forward to hearing from you. Hope not to bad a problem with Gp

Take care

[cat3 in reply to cat3]

OK, so it's all become real Mufc and I'm guessing it all feels pretty surreal. Have you had chance to contact your own solicitor ?

[cat3 in reply to cat3]

PS - No, thanks all ok with GP ! x

[Mufc in reply to cat3]

I have a meeting with my solicitor on Friday. Separating stuff in the house is hard. All the pictures we have need to be separated. This is hard work.

[cat3 in reply to Mufc]

It's hard work for an able-bodied person so you have my sympathies. And having to decide who gets what is an emotional strain too.

Are you getting any help from your daughter or other relatives with this upheaval ?

[Mufc in reply to cat3]

I’ve just told my parents they will inform my bothers and sisters. I will get family help to deal with situation. Geoff told our daughtertoday who was not suppressed. Thanks for interest

Mufc

[cat3 in reply to Mufc]

That's good Mufc. Please take all help offered...........just wish I could call in with tasty broth and a hug !

Look after yourself ; you need to eat properly to keep up your strength and resolve.

Stay in touch m'dear, love Cat x

[Mufc in reply to cat3]

Thanks again . I would be more lost without this support.

You do a brilliant job. Well done. To understand unfortunately you have experience it.

Take care mufc

[cat3 in reply to Mufc]

🌹 x

[Mufc in reply to cat3]

Best wishes 😊 Geoff just got back from pub unfortunately arguing as He contacted my parents. Which I had done earlier. Which he did not like.

[cat3 in reply to Mufc]

Why has he contacted your parents...........is he trying to cause trouble ?

[Jaxs050783]

I’m going through the same. X

[cat3 in reply to Jaxs050783]

Sorry to hear that Jaxs ; I see you have young children too, so extra tough. Hope it isn't too messy........ for all concerned. Cat x

[sealiphone]

Something practical, this can be an extremely stressful time, which brings high emotions.

So the best advice for anybody going through divorce is to avoid solicitors and make sure you use a mediation service .

There a two benefits it's cheaper and there's more chance of things remaining civil.

nfm.org.uk/mediation-servic...

[Mufc in reply to sealiphone]

Thanks but due to my situation our money is in a trust fund. So I have solicitors. With my disability I have brain problems. So we have to involve solicitors.

[sealiphone]

Mufc, Of course mine was general advice, so on that basis I'll just add the following, for other readers.

The mediator approaches the situation, as an impartial solicitor, so they'll essentially be saying "You can fight about it but this is what the court would see as equitable".

Solicitor, frequently recommend mediation and mediation can be done with the lawyers present and advising. In fact the mediator well recommend you get advice about what's going to be agreed.

Really it's all about acting reasonably and keeping the pain, stress and costs to a minimum.

Mediation helps draw up an agreement on the ancillary matters, children, property and money issues. This proposal is the financial order you'll ask the court to make.