Although it is nearly 13 years since I got hit by a car and I worked really hard at getting my life back together I still have this feeling that part of me has been lost. I was incredibly lucky as the firm that I worked for at the time of the accident kept my job open for me and I returned to work 2 weeks after being discharged from hospital all be it for just 1 day a week. Then over time I gradually increased to 4 full days, learned to drive again so my life seemed to get back to almost where it had been before. In 2011 I was made redundant. Then to just add insult to injury ( literally) as I had strived so hard to get well again I had my disability taken away from me. I have since done lots of different things to try and get myself work, I went back to college trained as a florist set a little business up doing that, then got selected to train as a Weight Watchers leader so did that for a bit until my aged father became ill so I had to care for him, he passed away in 2013. I then got a great part time administration job with a Foster Agency which then went to full time but this contract ended in Feb 2015. My most recent attempt at work was to train as a Support Worker ( Relief ) which I am technically still employed as but have had no work since April and to be honest is not really something I was enjoying so now I feel really lost. I keep applying for jobs and have had a few interviews but I feel so useless and my internal buzzing ( that is the only way I can describe the feeling inside me ) has never stopped. I was once prescribed medication for this but it felt like it slowed my reaction time to everything down and I would rather not take any medication. In 2009 I had my book published, called "It Was Not My Time". this was about my accident. This was written after reading Kara Swanson's book " I'll carry the Fork" which had been recommended to me by 1 of the Neuro Surgeons I had seen. The reason I came onto this page today was after watching the Louis Theroux Brain Injury show and I realised that this damage to my brain is never gonna heal and as much as I try and make out I'm ok I'm never going to be who I was before the accident and apart from the scars there are no visual signs there is anything wrong with me. I have been thinking about starting a Blog but I'm not sure if this is just me clutching at straws to make myself feel useful so any advise would be gratefully received.
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