Thoughts!

[Kirk5w7]

Don't know if this is a good idea or not while I'm feeling low, but it does help to put them down. I was re-reading Fuzzyhead's post to try and sort myself out, but got overwhelmed. My husband can't help although I know he'd love to be able too , I know I can be a bit needy at times, I try not to be, but when you spend so much time on your own and in your own head, it doesn't help. I know my GP would like to help but as he says, not enough is known about how the brain works and rewires, I'm supposed to be content to be alive and as well as I am, and I am don't get me wrong, it could be a whole lot worse, it's just so hard to accept the limitations now and move forward. 5am this morning didn't help, I should have got up instead of lying thinking, ah well time to get up now, I have to go for a blood test in an hour, and try and sort out my daughters vitaminb12 injection, she's in London and they're being less than helpful at our health centre with her, that's part of the problem, I have real trouble dealing with issues and confrontation now, perhaps this has triggered the low mood. Sorry about the ramblings, must get on love Janetxxx

[bikerlifestyle]

" spend so much time on your own and in your own head"

thats the trouble with brain injury its such a lonely path, and even when you are surrounded by people, you are still alone, i struggle with this so keeping busy or distracted (mentally) is important for me

living with the brain injury is hard, so when lifes normal stuff (however minor) comes up its hard to deal with

i wish i could blow up at people to and confront issues, but i spent so much time in therapy learning to control my anger, that i actively avoid situations that could spark me off, and always worried that if i confront someone, i may not be able to control my anger, because i just snap, its all or nothing with me

i wish i could offer some helpful advice other than just an understanding

Ramble away thats what we are here for

[Kirk5w7 in reply to bikerlifestyle]

Thanks Biker, what you say is so right, and for the most part I cope, it just catches up now and then, I'll bounce back just need time xxxx

[BaronC]

Spending time alone, thinking, lying in bed unable to sleep, etc. I think it alll comes with the territory and I've certainly been there, and indeed I still tread that path myself from time to time. But what you ultimately have to think when you're alone, lying in bed etc, is that you are here, you deserve to be here and that your life has to be lived on your own terms, in your own time. The sooner you come to accept that, the sooner you lie awake less, think more positively and appreciate the 'alone time' that little bit more.

[Kirk5w7 in reply to BaronC]

Thanks Baron, I have accepted it mostly, it just surfaces now and again, I will be fine, knitting and jigsaw puzzles here I come!!!

[BaronC in reply to Kirk5w7]

Lovely, job done! 1000 pieces I presume

[bikerlifestyle in reply to BaronC]

i only have the patience for 1 piece jigsaws

[Kirk5w7 in reply to BaronC]

Yes, I do 1,000 piece wasgij puzzles, so no picture, they drive me nuts and can take ages 'til I "see" the picture in my head, but I never did like making things easy for myself, it's a matter of pride, don'cha know!! Xxxx

[Hidden]

Hi Janet,

Sorry you are not feeling so good later.

Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you. I to can't deal with any confrontation. I agree to things I really don't want to do, because its easier.

One thing about being in the rehab unit is I realised how isolated I have become. It was nice to talk to the other patients. Maybe we should start a Manchester social group.

I know this sounds odd, but I was wandering if we do not feel so good lately because the seasons changing. We having to adjust to darker nights and mornings and the weather changing as well as all the other stuff that is going on in our heads. I don't know though, just a thought.

How you feeling about your swim?

Love,

Betty X

[Kirk5w7 in reply to Hidden]

I'm really looking forward to the swim, it's going to be so scary but satisfying too, it means I can still expand my horizons if I achieve this. I've wondered about a Manchester group too, the problem is the fatigue, I can only manage a couple of hours then I need a serious rest. Yesterday was brilliant i'd bought a voucher for a pamper trip for two at Debenhams spa, so I took my sister, it was great 'cos I got a lie down between bus trips! And a much needed pamper! I've always thought the weather must affect us, the change in air pressure must make a difference to our brains, but then again what do I know? take care Love

Janet xxxx

[cat3]

This is the same lady who's driving all the way to Rutland on Sat. night before swimming 500mtrs for Headway charity on Sunday. You're my heroine, Janet. For such a wobbly(sorry)lady to take on this challenge shows enormous courage and spirit. Yet at the same time you're thinking about your limitations. Is it that Sunday is a one-off and you're looking for fulfilment of a more permanent nature ? xx

[Kirk5w7 in reply to cat3]

You are so perceptive Cat, this illness has shaken all my self-confidence, this is the lady who used to manage a huge workforce(700+), who also ran her own florists shop(I retrained after I took redundancy) and was a member of Mensa! So you see, I'm my harshest critic, and I won't let this beat me. Because I am the person I am that's why my husband and family wouldn't give up on me at the bleakest moments, and why I owe it to them, and me, to recover the best I can. I just have to remember to walk not run, this is not a race, I need to take my own advice and not be so hard on myself. Thank you for being there and reading between the lines, I'm never down for too long, I just find this new me harder to cope with!!!! Love Janetxxxx

[bikerlifestyle in reply to Kirk5w7]

we own a florists shop (my wife runs it)

[Kirk5w7 in reply to bikerlifestyle]

The best job in the world, so much satisfaction, where is it ? I sold mine on couldn't make it pay, ran it for 6 yrs though, I loved doing funeral flowers!! Especially if I had to design them, did a Nemo once for a child, v sad.

[cat3 in reply to Kirk5w7]

Hope we can talk some more tomorrow, Janet. xx

[bikerlifestyle in reply to Kirk5w7]

we are in kings heath birmingham

you are right floristry is not an easy business to make money in, and with this damn recession we started off in 2007 with 10 staff, we are down to 3 now

my wife loves one off designs hers is a 3d VW camper she did

dropbox.com/s/ybwh1k5wlea4o...

[Kirk5w7 in reply to bikerlifestyle]

Thats amazing, I never got round to making a portfolio, that probably didn't help the business, ah well water under the bridge, it was good while it lasted, hope things pick up for you, a local new Tesco store finally did for me, took all my bunches trade, I sold on in 2006, seems a lifetime away now

[Kirk5w7]

That would be good, look forward to it xxx

[iforget]

Just read through this thread and wanted to say that I think you (we) are all pretty darn amazing... (polite version)

[cat3 in reply to iforget]

Someone's up late again.......................... hope you're o.k. x

[Kirk5w7 in reply to cat3]

I was fine, sorry this has taken so long, I dip I and out all day long and just before I go to bed and when I first get up.Am just running a bath, will write a bit to you aftermy breakfast xxxx

[Kirk5w7]

We forget from time to time, just how far we've come and the courage and effort it took, and human nature is such that we will always strive to improve and neverbe satisfied with what we've got, just as well really or we'd ever advance.Take care... Love Janet xxxxx

[bexx87]

We all feel low some more than others but always remind yourself that you arent alone

[Kirk5w7]

I know and I'm so grateful for you all, got me through a potentially bad day yesterday, that's one of the reasons I'm doing this swim, without this site we'd be snookered, thanks for caring xxx

[cat3]

Hi again Janet. I've been having a few hours sleep after being awake the entire night. You know when that switch in your brain is firmly switched to ON and there's no way you can override it (I know that you do).....so I finished the 'I' crossword then watched three episodes of Downton Abbey, back-to-back.

You know all about over-active brain activity. It's ok during the day when you can find chores & projects to distract you, but a very different issue in the night. If I lived in the middle of nowhere, I would go and work in my garden with the aid of the security light, but it wouldn't be acceptable here in Sale.

But things being as they are, I spent a good deal of time thinking about you, and others on Headway, including myself.

I think I'm surviving ok because, apart from the necessary social interaction, I've always been a bit of a loner and contented with my own company. Also I've suffered with depression since adolescence so I'd, sort of, got the hang of dealing with those ups & downs by the time my sah came along. So, for me, it's mainly physical challenges (mobility, memory, headaches etc) as I've spent much of my life trying to escape social situations !

But I'm not complacent about the psychological effects of brain injury and I see that you, and certain others, are badly affected by the loss of your former life, and the whole issue makes me feel so sad, especially as there don't seem to be any substantial answers.

If there's nowhere local offering any worthwhile activities and home-based projects leave you feeling isolated, then I'm wondering if we Manchester locals (there might be a handful) could get together occasionally for a coffee & chat..........and then home to bed, exhausted !

But for now there are more pressing activities to prepare for. I hope the weather is going to be kinder over in the S.E. on Sunday.......not that it really matters......you'll be getting pretty wet anyway !! The very best of luck Janet, & I can't wait to hear how it goes. Lots of love xxx

[Kirk5w7 in reply to cat3]

I think what hit me this week, was being on my own again, #2 son went back to college, so I had every day to fill, I've got lots to do to keep me busy, plus new ventures to start but no enthusiasm, plus the book I'm currently reading is a bit of a slog. weekend just gone we drove down to east sussex to see #1 daughter and grand daughters 'cos Bethany was 7 on Sunday, so very busy weekend and we didn't get home 'til nearly 1am on Monday morning, too much really, this weekend should be gentler!! I can sleep in the car on the way back.

Good idea about meeting up in Manchester, I will put some thought into it, or am open to suggestions.

Had a conversation with BaronC about various things, I told him how I had problems with my phone and the tv remote when I first came round and how I had to re-learn how to use them, I really tried the nurses patience at times, my daughter bought me the Downton Abbey boxed set, but I preferred the CSI ones!, not that I dislike Downton just if I've got a choice!

I've spent hours on the pc now, yesterday and today, and it sends me all wobbly!, so going to go now. Take care Love Janetxxxx