Oh boy what a ride I have been on this week.... Apart from Wednesday where I got a problem solved without going into battle, and my partner attending and enjoying a new activity group. The rest of the week has been very tiring both mentally and physically. I am having to push myself so hard to maintain this house. As anyone who has an old house they bite back at you. If I don't push myself to look after things repair or improve things. I am also having to keep the place clean, at times I feel like I am dragging myself around. This morning was a drama, my partner is a nightmare with coffee, always drinking it, and continually spilling it. On worktops in the kitchen the floor, door, then he's splashed it up the wall in the lounge. With about a week apart he has spilt coffee in the same place on the lounge carpet (has cream in it so it shows badly). This morning he went into the lounge with no light on, didn't see our dog tripped spilt it on the floor and sofa and lost his temper with Coco the dog. I am tired of being the only who cares about what we have, I know they're material things but I don't have much in my life and have always from a child always looked after things. When your mainly housebound your only environment is precious to you.
I was looking forward to my first trip out in a while but it was marred with some of his moods. I couldn't even go round one shop without being rushed. I've go round tonight switching things off, tidying up and sorting things out. He is officially my carer, but more and more I'm doing the caring. Sorry to moan just needed to get my frustrations out
Morning Buel I like that saying I have tried so many different ways to come up with a fairer way and less exhausting way of living for me. I am going to have a chat with my care coordinator in the week about getting me out for a while shopping or just being able to sit in a coffee shop like I use to do watching the world go by. I miss being able to go out on my own. I am pinning all my hopes on the support and rehab package the brain unit are setting up for him. I desperately need some of these weights to come off my shoulders, its definitely done alot of damage to my health. I don't know how I do but I keep managing to get myself back up and fight again and again
I hope you have a lovely day, and thank you for your caring message.
Sorry to hear you've had a troublesome week, what's the reason behind your partner spilling his coffee, is it poor balance or dexterity? I had a nightmare carrying anything in my off hand after surgery and found it best to use a larger mug with a bigger handle (Like the ones from Sports Direct), then I'd only fill it about half way, plenty of room for it to slosh without leaving the cup. I also never drank from it unless I was sat down.
I suppose the alternative is to make a rule that anything which might stain must be kept in the kitchen only. At least that way it's confined to one room and doesn't get into any fabrics!
Sorry to hear about Coco, although dogs do have a habit of being under your feet or in the last place you expect them. The number of times our dog has nearly had me on my arse is silly. That said, maybe your partner will be more cautious about using the light now.
Morning Alex, my partner is both clumsy and also has hand tremors. So I got him a cup with a lid and a mouth piece that can be closed. Only he forgets to close it off so it can still spill. I told him yesterday after seeing yet another spillage that if this happens again he will not be allowed to drink in the lounge. He then preceeded to put cream (thickly as he always over does the use of anything) on his knees for a skin problem. He then put his knee down first on the sofa getting cream on it. He just does not think about what he's doing. I have got to the stage I hate hearing 'sorry' I'm so tired of cleaning up after him.
I hope you have a lovely day and enjoy the sunshine
Oh how I understand how you feel!! Why do they think that they can do what they like as long as they say sorry afterwards??? I am desperately trying to get the house ready for us going away on Monday for a week - my partner seems to be coming along behind me messing things up again! He cannot see the mountain of things that need done and I am so tired of asking him to do things that I just find it easier to do it myself - but it is so exhausting.
Hi Ronni thats what I have tried to do, is not say anything and just get on with it but sometimes I have to vent my anger and frustration. Your right it is exhausting, I would love an easy spell, with some peace and quiet I need to recharge x
Morning Angie I feel for you love and I understand when something you look forward to gets shadowed by someone else's mood it's tough and it's hard to not feel totally bogged down by everything around you. Have you heard the saying women are like teabags you don't know how strong they are until you put them in hot water really hope you have a good weekend. Try and get out in the sunshine if you can xx
Morning hun, that is a great saying I haven't heard that before. Its just so hard and my body has taken a battering and its my strength of mind thats kept me going. But its bloody exhausting carrying someone. I've just sat him down and tried to have a heart to heart which I have lost count of how many I've done in the past. I had to keep asking for him to look at me and please don't interrupt. He hates hearing me tell him what's happening and tries to shut me down. Then he wanted to speak and talked down to me like I was a child, and then wondered why I got angry. I had to say how would he react if it was the other way around. I told him things have to change or I will shut down and then I won't want to live with him anymore. For once in my life I'm thinking of me, I've always put others first.
Sorry for moaning, have a lovely day in the sun xxxx
It's good to talk altho a lot of the time it doesn't seem to get anywhere don't know if that's the same for you. I find it tends to fall on deaf ears or he just doesn't understand it forgets what I've said! Good to vent on here it's not moaning you need to let it out or you'll end up making yourself ill! Sending you a massive hug xx
Morning hun, I have felt so so many times over the last seven years that my talks with him is not going in. Its a horrible feeling that your pouring your heart out some times in tears, telling him how exhausted and fed up I am. All the time seeing he has shut down in the first minute, and your basically talking to someone who wants to walk off (and he has done that so many times, which really winds me up) some of it goes in but a lot doesn't and when he's tried to improve its always for a week or two then we're back to square one (groundhog day). We agreed yesterday that I will write lists a daily task list of things I want him to do, and a check list at night for him to straighten up, clean up after himself, turn plugs off etc. This morning he's had his list and done it all. I said if I do these lists he can't complain or have a go at me, and he agreed. It's meant I could have a rest this morning.
Thank you for listening to me yesterday your a ☆☆☆☆☆☆
That's really great that this mornings list was done I know it might sound crazy but when he does remember to check the list and then do what's it could you give him some kind of reward?? I know it's a bit crazy but men are a bit like dogs and when they get rewarded they want to do more! Even if it's just giving him a big kiss and smile and saying thank you and then if it continues fora week cook him is favourite meal or something like that.that way he'll know how much it means to you and will be helping his brain to retrain at the same time. Just a thought. .I don't always feel like I've got the enthusiasm or positive energy to do it but my husband likes pleasing me so small rewards to show that he has always makes him happy and in turn makes me happy. Easier said than done when you feel like you do everything but it's nice to be nice xx
Your right I do praise him but I could give him rewards I'll try anything that gets him being proactive and that I'm not completely doing everything on my own. Its great to know that other people know what its like and how exhausting it is
Morning Angie just popping by to send you a smile and good wishes.
I think men in general just never think, i know mine doesnt and never cleans up after himself or decides that motorbike parts in my kitchen is perfectly ok grrr. Ive now started saying if thats there longer than an hour its going in the bin lol works a treat.
Hi flower you are right no disrespect to any men on the forum lol. I have said to my partner the lounge is treated with respect or your in a tent in the garden xx
I have the two extremes ; my son (has his own place) who's fiancée never has to lift a finger though he works more hours than she does.
Then there's my pal who lives with me on & off and who leaves a trail of debris wherever he goes, meaning that I'm constantly in tidying mode (especially frustrating with a broken foot).............can't complain too much though as he's been cooking most days.
You have my sincere sympathies Angie ; I hope you can drum into your partner that he need to think MUCH more carefully about his actions. xx
Thanks Cat, what he has said is that if I write him listens of things to do and things to check then he will definitely do them. Its maddening when I'm turning off plugs and then I keep find empty boxes in the kitchen and empty cleaning bottles, cleaning that needs to be done and putting things straight. When I had the chat earlier I told him I'm exhausted, I've pulled the muscles across my back so I'm on my painkillers.
I bet with a broken foot the last thing you should be doing is tidying up after someone. I hope your alright today xx
Hi Angie, I think you are my clone! Everything that happens to you seems to be the story of my life too. I also have a partner who doesn't know the meaning of the word 'careful'. I am fed up with the house always a mess, things always spilt. One day.........
Jan
• in reply to
Hi Jan we are exactly the same we do have the frustrations and strain. I literally feel like I have my partner on my back and I am carrying him around. I must be strong even though a lot of the time I never think about it. But I so wish I could have some time where its all calm and I can feel some peace and quiet, and not think right what have I got to do next.
I hope your ok today hun xx
• in reply to
Oh I wish you lived near me. I would take you to my son's house where I have stayed this week. The garden is amazing, the house gorgeous and everywhere is so peaceful. It would do you so much good - especially if you could leave his lordship at home. We came home, I cleared up, unpacked, put the washing on - he is sitting on the sofa where he has been since we got back!
There are some times when I could..........
Look after yourself
Jan x
• in reply to
I would love that his house sounds like its a place to totally relax and recharge, but it would be just nice to have a cuppa and a chat with you xx
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I have tried so many different ways to come up with a fairer way and less exhausting way of living for me. I am going to have a chat with my care coordinator in the week about getting me out for a while shopping or just being able to sit in a coffee shop like I use to do watching the world go by. I miss being able to go out on my own. I am pinning all my hopes on the support and rehab package the brain unit are setting up for him. I desperately need some of these weights to come off my shoulders, its definitely done alot of damage to my health. I don't know how I do but I keep managing to get myself back up and fight again and again
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