Mothers instinct?

[Dogsabighelp]

Hi all,I just knew something wasn't right after visit and call on Friday.I've spoken again with unit this morning,his I pod has been on floor since 15th April when he arrived there.this kept him going when he was h.d.u for 4 months..I've told them to let him have his music.you know,its all " smoke and mirrors", lovely building,smart uniforms etc,clothing missing?I pod on floor for almost 3 weeks?just saying...I'm told this morning they have "enough staff for one to one care"? There is a big part of me saying that's my boy go on there...I can see beyond the confused staring eyes though.there are going to be some problems.this guy,as soon( even if not)as able is going to try to assert himself,this bloke a soldier since 17 years old,in 20 years he has always been in control.this leaves me with a big problem...Im unsure how this situation will resolve.I've made my position clear,am a very direct person and not scared to voice concerns,but I have control over myself and how I behave.my son doesn't have the same qualities,he reacts in a split second.he is going to cause problems I just know it...

[cat3]

What will be will be D. I returned to ICU 6 months after discharge to thank staff and to visit my ex husband (SAH same as me) and was treated like a celebrity. It was an eye opener seeing a ward and nurses I'd no recollection of. But they all agreed on the pleasure of seeing walking/talking proof of a former patient .....(and of a massive box of chocolates which they'd half demolished as I left).

I was assured that my disruptive behaviour (& swearing) is par for the course in any brain injury. There was a young guy who constantly shook his safety rails insisting he sleep on the floor, so he was placated by having his bed removed and mattress/bedding placed on the floor ; staff used a footstool or knelt to take his obs & care for him !

Staff dealing with brain injured patients are trained in handling all manner of bizarre behaviour calmly and none judgmentally. My friend suffered hypoxia after a heart attack and was so aggressively determined to get home that a personal security guard was deployed to sit in the doorway. But on discharge my friend had only praise for staff.

If you can live in the here & now rather than stressing over stuff which might never happen you'll still have more than enough on your plate m'love ! x

[Dogsabighelp in reply to cat3]

So love you my friend,so wise and clever.and always there..I know something not right though?smoke/mirrors, not for me..I'm a straight shooter,I see it I call it.I have some issues,but I need to know or learn better how to control myself I did not do this yesterday.but I was again put up against the wall.I react,that's just me

[cat3 in reply to Dogsabighelp]

That's fine D. Be proud to just be yourself and tell it how it is ; in fact it makes for clearer understanding for all concerned so long as you don't get too hurt in any crossfire. And I agree on how tricky it's becoming in everyday life to eek out the truth behind all the 'smoke & mirrors' ! 🤔 xx

[Dogsabighelp in reply to cat3]

Big kisses for you

[cat3 in reply to Dogsabighelp]

😑 x

[New_beginning]

The only positive I see with rehabilitation unit, they are experienced and skilled staff, and will work with the difficulties that may come. However, the scenarios that may happen will be further distressing, keep a record x

[Dogsabighelp in reply to New_beginning]

Got it

[Skallagrigg]

My son went through 2 weeks of threatening staff, throwing food,ipad phone, oh he threw another phone this week,cracked screen etc, refusing to eat for 3 days, not having a shower for two days at one point I really thought they would section him or do something it was awful, FOR ME, the nurses were like ,yeah seen it before had it before, it's normal, my first post on here was about angry suicidal son jeez seems so long ago, but they really do look after them, my son has a physchologist regularly visit him and it does help him as she explains a lot to him , my ex was in there after a car crash different brain injury, but he never got violent,my son? Oh hell yes, I just take one day at a time still, so far 4 days of nice son lol fingers crossed lol good luck

[Pairofboots]

Word's escape me, and I am ashamed that services are run like this. Such simple steps to reduce distress and causing problems for themselves.

I spent years teaching staff how to avoid anger and aggression. Ok you can never eliminate it, but so much is caused by the staff.

Your approach is spot on, calm, to the point, people listen to that, but you shouldn't have to point out basics.

I loved teaching, although I still had hands on, but it was a tangible, measurable factor, and most of it comes down to good communication skills. Can't say I was a typical nurse, I was never all soft and fluffy, more like a squaddy, if f'ing and blinding was appropriate, or a well aimed Oy, solved escalation, so be it, but you have to build a mutual trust. Sometimes a good bluff, or playing chicken with an armed patient was the way to go. But it all relied on that trust and being professional.

The more comfortable, safe, and valued you make a patient feel, the less you will have problems. These are basic skills, and part of your professional code of conduct.

Denying basic needs is something that should never happen.

Calmly put them right.x

[Nanapal in reply to Pairofboots]

Hi Pairofboots, just wanted to say I find your posts very helpful. You have a depth of knowledge from your nursing career that you can give sound advice from in addition to being a brain injury patient yourself.

Thankfully since our son has been in his rehabilitation unit at Walkergate Newcastle we haven’t had any problems with any staff or the care and attention he has received. After all the failings of the local acute hospital I don’t think we could have taken anymore. We get told the findings of the investigation relating to those nursing errors which have already been admitted by them when they happened back in November 20 sometime this week. We do harbour worries about how his care will be when he gets a placement in a nursing home - got funding meeting etc in next couple of weeks as discharge date is mid June. As we see it we hope we don’t have any issues but if any crop up we will be our sons voice - hopefully diplomatic voices but we won’t allow our son to be let down again. Best wishes Nanapal. x

[Pairofboots in reply to Nanapal]

Thank you Nanapal. I have always said what I believe to be right. That didn't always make me popular, but no one could disagree.

Are you going to be given options for a nursing home that you can check to see if appropriate? There maybe other options that are age appropriate, but it might mean a bit of a wait. You mentioned that your son was in the force's. He might be able to access some of the military rehab, or one of the group home's?

[Nanapal in reply to Pairofboots]

Hi, I am sure you didn’t lose any sleep over not winning any popularity contest and did your job well.

It is Dogasbighelps son who is associated with the TA not mine - I have probably confused you by replying on her thread. Yes we have looked ourselves as advised by local authority social worker to see what we thought was suitable. We have had an outside visit (COVID restrictions) and spoken to a member of staff at one which is Headway accredited - Hawthorns Peterlee. We are going to push for him to go there when funding side is agreed as it is trained in brain injuries and also takes younger age groups.

We can’t think of anything worse than at 38 years old everyone else is elderly/ dementia sufferers or similar conditions - not to be detrimental or disrespectful to any of these people but our son needs stimulation and to be around at least some of his peers. This is going to be a battle to get him correctly placed but Walkergate are going to help as much as they can - they are very clear on type of placement he needs. Just have to convince CCG North Tees and Hartlepool NHS Foundation as we have already been advised they will always try the cheapest avenue. As this trust has already failed our son once they definitely won’t be getting an easy ride from us. Nanapal. x

[Pairofboots in reply to Nanapal]

Sorry, yes I did gate a bit fixed up, doesn't take much.

I've been racking my brain why Walkergate sounded so familiar. They sorted me out after the GP managed to mess me up.

Headway accredited sounds really good. Don't settle for anything less,

A lot of people seem to just get put anywhere, suitable or not. You are right to not want your son to go to an elderly care setting, that wouldn't be appropriate at all. I spent time working with elderly people, but although it was resbite from what I was used to, I only worked there to understand the behaviour. It takes a special mindset. A young man would find it very difficult to live in such a setting.

I wish you well in securing the right place 🍀

[Nanapal in reply to Pairofboots]

Thank you. x