Fairly new to TBI

[shaunmcg]

Hi

I was attacked 2.5 years ago (by my girlfriends ex!) and sustained head injuries which developed into Hydrocephalus. I had a shunt fitted August 2016 which has improved my life but I still have the usual TBI side effects as well as Executive Dysfunction.

My girlfriend has now given up on me as I am moody, forgetful and generally not a nice person any more. Sad because before the attack I was lively, happy and ran my own successful accountancy business. I now have very few friends and have lost the woman I loved.

Please someone tell me it gets better! I've started going to Headway meetings but TBH they aren't really suited to me as I need more interaction.

Life feels pretty empty at the moment................

[cat3]

Shaun, can you tell us what your typical day consists of.........and whether you've had any type of therapy of counselling, such as CBT ? x

[shaunmcg in reply to cat3]

Hi Cat

I've just started to get help from Headway and am attending all they suggest to me. I've seen the local brain injury team and they are helping too. It's just very lonely I run my own business. I'm an accountant and managed to keep my business going (just!) whilst I was ill waiting for surgery. It took two years because I wasn't an urgent case so my life was on hold. Extreme pressure headaches, tiredness, memory problems etc. You know the score I think! I'm slowly getting to grips with the fact I will never be the same old happy me but it hurt bad when we split last week. Lost my best friend and lover in one go :(Thanks for the support x

[cat3 in reply to shaunmcg]

You split last week ? So everything's obviously really raw.

Dealing with after-effects of brain surgery is pretty much a full time job even when life is otherwise OK, so holding onto a business and dealing with a breaking heart in addition must be exhausting.

Any type of brain injury, including surgery, can heighten our emotions causing frustration, anger or tearfulness, over issues we'd previously been unaffected by.

So unless partners can learn (almost overnight) that these are common side effects, they can interpret these behaviours as attacks on them personally.

There are so many people here who struggle daily with relationships compromised by their own, or their partner's, brain injury.

It's all pretty unfair (especially the circumstances of your situation) that our lives can be so seriously disrupted through no fault of our own, but wherever that leaves us.................we are where we are..............and have to start over, from a new place altogether.

I hope you can keep it together Shaun until the hurt of the break up starts to fade (it does ; it will). Be patient with yourself, keep in touch with Headway for support, and be proud of how you've kept your business afloat after critical surgery.

And it would be good to have you around on the forum so we can keep a eye on you !

All best wishes Shaun, Cat x

[cat3 in reply to cat3]

Just a thought Shaun ; has the 'ex' been prosecuted for the damage he's caused ?

[shaunmcg in reply to cat3]

No. It's complicated. He's attacked me three times and should have gone to prison but there is a child involved who would suffer and have to leave college if he went to jail

[shaunmcg in reply to cat3]

Thank you for your kind words. I'll be around

[cat3 in reply to shaunmcg]

Maybe Karma will come into play one day ; I hope so.

Take care Shaun. x

[mac39]

Shaun mate I know what your going through, not the shunt part but everything else, I have had multiple head injuries and also suffer from some of if not all the same things, I've been to the head injury unit in derby today after waiting ages and they are going to help me, try and get referred to your local unit they can help you better and give you more support in the areas you need, if you ever need a chat I'm here for you, us Sean's have to stick together lol, but seriously I'm here for you mate

[shaunmcg in reply to mac39]

Cheers buddy! It can be a lonely place with a brain injury Yes I am getting help from Headway now so things should improve. It's just hard dealing with it on my own now my girlfriend has got fed up of me. Ironic when it was her ex who caused this!

[mac39 in reply to shaunmcg]

Luckily my lass has stuck by me but its been hard on her, she copes with a lot and me on top doesn't help, does your lass actually know how you cope? Has she been with you to any sessions or anything? Your not alone now you have the guys on here and me,

[shaunmcg in reply to mac39]

Hi mac

She did seem to care then her interest waned . We had a cancellation for a Brain team meeting but she didn't want to cancel her lunch date with her friends. SO no meeting and she came home pissed at midnight and argued for three hours!!!! Well rid I think. Keeps letting me down. A week after my brain surgery she took my campervan and went to a festival for the weekend leaving me alone. That was after she broke her leg in March and I waited on her and took her everywhere for three months in her wheelchair. My kindness wasn't reciprocated

[Valerie1986]

I know it's difficult,I lost all my friends after my accident. It can be depressing, but as hard as it may be try and see the good things that are there mindfulness is good. Hope it helps

[shaunmcg in reply to Valerie1986]

thank you. practising yoga and meditation.it all helps x

[bexx87]

Hi, I understand that you are currently going through a lot, I would have reported the attack and got him sent to jail, ignore who it effects at the end of the day he has left you with something that you will deal with for the rest of you life were he goes though his life unchanged so I would still pursue the case, as for your girlfriend, it sounds like she was unappreciated but all you can do it learn from it and use to as things you don't want in your next partner.

Right now focus on yourself and do things that make you happy, my TBI was 16 years ago, I suffer from depression and anxiety, Im on medication for anxiety currently and was on medication for depression but the depression isn't as bad but every now and then comes back, My ex of 9 years didn't believe that I had anxiety (its all in you head ect) until a top doctor gave me medication for it then he shut up currently I am trying to get over someone but Ive been patiently waiting for the feelings (for another guy not my 9 year ex) to pass but 6 months on they still haven't and it is still extremely painful and where I try and start a new relationship, its too painful (because I don't feel ready yet) so I just busy my self with work, tv, music, socialising, gaming, zumba, knitting/crochet ect I moved out from my mum (nice and quiet, I look forward to going home now rather than worry what mood she it in) and have been living independently for 5 months now to try and distract myself, I go to my local headway once a month as they run a social group and have made some friends but just give it time

I would suggest talk to your doctor and see if they can do anything with your depression but take it day by day.

I can also see your a train journey away from me, Ive visited Cardiff Bay a few weeks ago and have been to Swansea a few times.

Hope this has helped x

[shaunmcg in reply to bexx87]

Thanks for your reply.

I had enough of the hassle. He had given me grief for the last three years but it stopped recently. I'm trying to be Buddhist and practice mindfulness and forgiveness. Not easy! Working my way through a book by Desmond Tutu to help me.

Doctor has given me happy pills which take the edge off things. For long periods of time I have no feelings at all (part of Executive Dysfunction I think)

If you're ever in Cardiff Bay give me a shout. It's ten minutes walk from my house!

Cheers

x

[bexx87 in reply to shaunmcg]

Cool will do if I remember #shorttermmemorypain