Dad won't accept he has hypoxic brain injury after cardiac arrest

[Milliepage]

Hi,

Me and my family are really struggling as my dad just won't accept that he has a brain injury although it is visibly obvious to us.

We are also finding it really difficult as he does not want to adhere to a newer set of health rules such as not smoking, drinking or eating healthier in order to recover from his stent.

He woke up from a coma 10 days after being induced, although the hospital had taken away his life support (as we were told he wasn't going to wake up). We feel extremely lucky to have him, and we are doing everything we can for him, but it is really emotionally hard on us seeing him moaning constantly about eating healthier and just not accepting he has a brain injury.

I assume this is quite a common problem, but if anyone has any similar experiences or tips to help it would be greatly appreciated as due to the ongoing Covid-19 situation my dad isn't able to see his OT or get any help to the house for his brain injury.

I hope everyone is keeping safe and well,

M x

[Pairofboots]

Hi Miliepage, brain injury is difficult to get your head round even when you are aware.

You don't say how old your dad is, to him his behaviour is perfectly normal, I know you do know better in this case. Is there someone, a friend or relative that can sit down with him and have a matter of fact conversation with him, that he will listen to.

I know it is difficult for you, you know what has happened, but under the current circumstances, and weighing things up under the current situation who is stressed more you or him?

Lecturing, and moaning, even with the best intentions won't change his behaviour. Currently it is more important that he isolates and avoids the virus, if he will comply with this, be happy that he has come this far.

One step at a time, there is no magic answer, if you use the isolation to restrict his smoking and drinking, he may not comply with isolation, this is the priority, smoking and drinking won't do him any good, but the virus will kill him.

This isn't what you want to hear I know, but you are dealing with the two most difficult addictions, if you can't change him, for the time being, change how you think. You obviously care deeply for him, be happy for having him back, it's a marathon you are traveling, not the hundred meters.

Keep safe.

[Misty4 in reply to Pairofboots]

👍

[Papillion007]

His moaning is letting family know his brain is functioning. That's life. Just appreciate that he woke up from the coma. Let's face it some of these health foods are tasteless. Have you tried any? What about letting him watch his favorite sports on TV. Football, boxing, cycling, cricket, golf, etc. Might cheer him up.

[TaIaV]

Dear Millie,

What a mix of emotions you have been faced with! The wonderful surprise of having your dad come out of the coma and now the pain of watching him try to work against his own interests by not accepting his health deficits.

Others who have directly relevant experience will be the ones with the most useful advice, I am sure. Some of this may be temporary as your father may be in a stage in which he hopes that doing what he did before will make everything be as it was. I will suggest something that I have found helps people deal with things that they find hard to accept. If he can read, I suggest writing him a letter.

People resist spoken suggestions, reminders, arguments for many different reasons. When they get something in writing ( if it is written without judgement, sarcasm, recriminations or condescension) it can be much more influential. A letter:

- Does not demand ( or permit) an immediate, defensive response.

- It does not depend on the person hearing everything correctly and remembering it.

- It is also sometimes easier for you to say difficult things to someone in a letter than to speak the words.

- It gives you something to which to refer when speaking with him later.

- It gives the recipient something to refer to later when questions or conflicts arise.

Which the above in mind. Here are some of the things that make a letter like this successful.

- A clear simple statement of the objective. Maybe something like: "We love you. Our lives changed when___[whatever led to the coma]. We know that your life can be wonderful and we are all committed to making that a reality. However, there is a new "normal" that we all need to embrace. We want to make sure that you know what we know so that the required changes, and the reasons for them, are clear. We are ready to do what is necessary to help you. Please read this slowly and fully. Some of it may be hard to read or accept. The path forward involves some trade offs: Changing some past habits in exchange for healing obvious and invisible injuries. The important thing is that you be on that healing path as fully and as smoothly as possible. We care about you so much. "

- The medical facts.

- The specific behavior and treatment actions required

- Empathy. "If any of us had to make these changes we would find it challenging. We wish you could avoid all of this, but doing that or cutting corners will only prolong or reverse the healing process. Tell us what we can do to support you."

- Closing with Optimism and Realism and Love

I understand this may not fit your situation. In any case, I wish you all the best. Your father is lucky to have you.

[Purplelover25]

My now ex partner is 14 months on from a TBI and still does not acknowledge he has the injury. He thinks that yes he hurt his head when he had the accident but that's it all done. He has lack of insight to his behaviour still unfortunately.

He lives alone at the moment so as he is capable of this and handyman work he could do before he believes all is well and I must be making the changes in him up.