the well of loneliness

Hello everyone,

Just thought I would share my current state of being that has been gathering momentum and will not leave. Loneliness. A bottomless pit of despair. Despite doing all I can to banish it, it will not go away. I refuse to be drowned by it.

So thankful I have my wonderful pet dog whom keeps me sane.

Can anyone else relate to this?

Thanks for listening.

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19 Replies

  • Oh Claire...............I'm so sorry. You've been hiding this really well. Has something in particular happened to trigger this or has it crept up on you ?

    I've been picturing you & Artie in the Spring sunshine so I must say this is quite a shock. Please elaborate if you can m'love ? E. xx

  • Just thought about it Claire & you'll probably be sleeping now, so talk later I hope. xxx

  • Oh I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. There has been so much in our press here in England about loneliness in the elderly but it can affect anyone in any circumstances. Is there nothing near you that can offer you company on your terms. Do you have a local book group, that should not overwhelm you with noise, how about seeing if there is a dog walking group where you can take your friend and meet up with others, perhaps leading on to meeting for a coffee or something. Don't suffer, find out from your library or local council what groups there are near you and see if you can find something suitable. You may not like joining things like this, but they are a good way to meet new people - maybe leading to a special friend to do things with.

    Wishing you all the luck in the world.

  • Yes, at times I feel like this as so few people understand. I have post concussion syndrome and whiplash after a car accident. I find going to church helpful. Is there a good one near you? Also it can be helpful just to call up a friend and invite them round, even for just a short time. Thinking of you.

  • Definitely something I can relate to. Being ill and at home all the time is quite isolating. Hopefully you can find something you can do which helps you meet people. Dog walking seems to be sociable. I'm not a dog person but I know from others that they meet people that way.

    If you can't get out of the house then finding Facebook groups based around your area, illness or interests can help you feel more connected.

  • Thank you for your kind and helpful responses. I have responded to one and all individually.

    Am feeling much better for sharing this terrible affliction that rears it ugly head Feb every year, without fail. It is a time that prompts reflection about what could have been. That is unhelpful really.

    Still, it is a time to reflect on the positive changes since and I think of myself as Phoenix rising, from the ashes.

    Hope the same is for you too. xx

  • I can only deduce that Feb was when your life was changed by the SAH ? It would make sense as there are many others here who dread the anniversary of their BI and are very relieved once it's passed.

    For me, Dec7th 2011 passes by each year unnoticed ; it's family members who bring it to my attention. To be fair it's insignificant to me as the night I passed out, but to them it was the beginning of a nightmare period (of which I was completely unaware).

    But to be fair, my memory deficit protects me from such memories. I had a mammogram last week and, whereas in the old days I'd be gritting my teeth 'til the results came, this time I'd forgotten I'd even been. I saw the NHS letter, made no cognitive connection and had read the results (good) before I realised what I was reading.

    Thinking of you Claire................xx

  • Hi Clara, I'm sorry to hear you are feeling lonely. My mum has PCS and even before her accident, I think she was spending too much time alone. (I was working away a lot then). I tried to encourage her to meet up with friends or join a club locally but she did not want to. She is very shy. I've been helping her for a few months and even the GP suggested socializing a bit more outside would help her recover. I convinced her recently to go to a Burns night supper which is run by the local church, which was fantastic. This made her get more interested in going to a lunch club they run once a week, so I went with her. I've noticed she seems a lot happier since. She is even remembering dates more. Maybe you could have a look for a local lunch club or a meet up on social media? The church lunch club welcomes members even if they do not attend church services so there is no pressure put on people who might not be very religious.

    Another idea might be to try a local evening class or adult education center if you see anything interesting? eg. art classes, film, workshops.

    How about a tea dance or ceilidh?

    How about a day trip away with a group? Or a weekend? There are some smaller travel groups which organize these days out. We have a few locally. Maybe there are some near you?

    When I am working away from home, I like to use skype to keep in touch with people or simply call via phone. I would feel isolated without that. If you friends are not local, you could reconnect via skype?

    Take care

  • It's ok now Jayne as my feelings of loneliness have abated considerably. Thank goodness. It is an emotional time of the year for me as it marks the time back in Feb 2006 that I was unwell. Next year I will plan ahead to avoid falling into the dreaded pit of grief.

    Thank you for your suggestions. I am indeed to be fortunate enough to still have a couple of good friends and have a wide variety of outdoor interests that keep me connected socially.

    It sounds like you are a wonderful support for your mum and I hope her pcs symptoms have been improving as time goes on. Thank you very much for your warm response. xx

  • Hello claire100, I seem to yo-yo between despair & just about coping many times each day. My beloved cat never fails to lift my heart & remind me there is a good reason to still be here. I'm glad your dog gives you a sense of purpose & joy.

    Best wishes


  • Hi CuriousConnie,

    Am sorry to hear about your despair. Hope you are feeling ok today. I swear that living with a chronic illness is like being permanently stuck on a roller coaster. To cope, we take the highs with the lows.

    Our fury kids do indeed bring endless joy into our lives especially when it's needed most. Your kitty cat certainly does that too.

    Wishing you many happy times with your beloved cat. xx

  • There are times I feel lonely (like the past few days all ive done when ive gotten home from work is sleep) I do try and force myself to go for a walk sometimes and I cant have pets in my flats but I would love one if I could as I miss being animals Next week I have off and I don't know what to do I don't want to do what I did last time which was stay in all week and do nothing

  • Hi bexx87,

    Hope you are going ok with your week off and have found some fun things to do. I sometimes take myself to the movies if I am sick of my own company when at home. Just a thought, a goldfish is the perfect pet for relaxation and is easy to keep. Take care. xx

  • Hi Clara, I visited some where new today and it felt refreshing and enjoyable xx

  • Yes its a long day lying looking a 4 walls an thers only so much tv 1 can watch.sometimes a feel like i am lying on a convarebelt waiting to die.lifes not the same but a should b grateful a still have life.a feel as if a dont and letting ever1 down.🤕

  • Hi Astley, it certainly is a long day if you are stuck inside. I call it cabin fever. Are you able to get out and about? If so, you will feel much better if you do even if it's just for a couple of hours. Indeed, life is not the same for us these days and most of the time, I am greatful that I am alive despite it being a challenge some days. Always remind yourself that you are doing the best you can under the circumstances. Take care. xx

  • My dog is the best medicine. Since having him, I have met 3 wonderful friends plus many other dog walkers, each with their own story. Before my bi I had a full life but now each day is about surviving & coping as best I can. I feel so alone, & through no fault of their own, my family do not understand how I feel. The tiredness is so great, but my consultant does not listen when I explain it to him. But as said my dog is my medicine, he makes me laugh & loves me no matter what. I also try not to be consumed by despair, but not always successful.

  • Indeed Stan-dog, animals sure are our best medicine. Unconditional love, always bring joy and give undivided attention. I talk to Artie all the time, as I sense that he does 'get me' and naturally agrees with me.

    It is a sad reality that some family/friends will never understand what it is like to be living with an acquired brain injury. These days, I tend to spend very little time with these people to conserve my energy as they can be quite draining. Literally.

    Thank goodness for our wonderful pets. Artie always saves me from drowning in my own despair. May you continue to form many more friendships with other doggie walkers. xx

  • That's no good. I have lived alone on and off throughout my life. Loneliness is something you have to try and keep on top of......and sometimes that is easier said than done.

    I moved back from Australia a couple of years ago, having lived there for 17 years and I lived in London for 13 years before that. I'm now back in the town where I was born.....and I still don't know anyone......people round here don't have any time for outsiders. I totally empathise with how you are feeling! However....I do try and be sociable. There are meet up groups, evening classes, events......and if you have a puppy, you'll never be short of anyone to talk to.....I talk to the dog all the time and other people who walk their dogs always chat to you.

    Anyway all I wanted to say is big hugs from me and I'm hoping the feelings of loneliness passes soon.....

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