Loneliness

[Health222]

Hi Everyone, Suffered a head injury 13 months ago and be battling PCS since. One of my biggest anxieties and fears is not being able to be in a relationship again. I feel broken and unattractive. I live on my own and really worry I will never have a partner again. Can anyone relate or provide words of hope, please? Thank you.

[James1984]

First of all, you're not broken and unattractive. You're a beautiful person that is unique in many ways, like all of us. Have confidence in the fact that IT IS OK to be single.

I fully understand you wanting a partner though. There is a particular partner out there for all of us, it's just a matter of finding the right one.

But I've learnt to appreciate my own company a lot more by engaging in hobbies/activities/travel that keep me occupied and give me routine.

I have over the past year also read the Holy Bible, and continue to read and pray regularly to our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. It's not just a friendship though, it's also an understanding of what is and what is to come, so you need to decide if it is for you.

[Painting-girl in reply to James1984]

My faith and becoming part of the local church community has helped me immeasurably too, in so many ways.

[TreesMTBI]

Hi Health222

I can relate as it can feel like everything is out of reach but as you’ve read before, it’s early days in your recovery, alot can change and morph and evolve.

The one thing that won’t change is the real you and this is the time to really get to know that You. Find out what makes YOU happy and do that, don’t get distracted or discouraged by remembering what went before your brain injury or how you were back then, try to focus on how to spend each moment making you feel happy or safe or content or joyful (or whatever other word that makes sense to you).

Try new things, don’t be afraid to step outside your comfort zone. Treat yourself with all the love and kindness and support you would a potential partner. There’s always hope for the future, to feeling better, to living a good life.

Above all, be kind to yourself.

Trees x

PS. I’ve just reread my response and it’s what I needed to hear myself, so just know you are not alone, so many of us on here relate to that sense of loneliness. Take care x

[Health222 in reply to TreesMTBI]

Thank you, TreesMTBI. Maybe I'll get to that place of feeling better in the future. I appreciate the time you have taken to reply. I hope you feel loved and are on a path to wellness. Higs and much respect

[Leaf100]

Hi LonelinessHour injury is still super fresh. Be kind to yourself and give yourself a breather.

People do get back into relationships after a head injury.

Generally, but not always, its easier to be with people who met you past injury , because they don't compare. Cause yes, there are some changes and some residual effects in general. It's all part of heal8ng and self awareness. And healing keeps happening by the way, despite what the docs say.

For now, give Headway a call. There will be groups on your area, or at least on zoom, so you have some social connections. Often being with people who get it can help a lot.

Leaf

[Health222]

Thank you, Leaf. I have heard you. I appreciate your time and kindness. Biggest love

[Painting-girl]

Hi Health, it's not an easy point at 13 months when a lot of people expect that you'll be fixed in three months . I still remember that.Mine was six and a half years ago. I still feel like I still have a few deficits, but I don't think other people notice particularly.

I've been in a new relationship for a year and a three months, and things are good. Don't forget that new people only know new you, not old you. I half think that perhaps the relationship started on more solid ground because I can only be me as I am now, and perhaps I've developed more listening skills and empathy over the last few years.. And my life is simpler now, and I'm ok with that.

I'm having to explain that sometimes I'm a bit overwhelmed with light or noise, and apparently he's noticed that when I'm juggling things it doesn't work to give me anything extra to think about - because again I can't handle too many things at a time. I'm a bit more aware that I deal with things in a more roundabout way than someone who is more neuro-normal, which feels a bit weird to me, but hey, so far, so good 😊

Try and get some specialist neuro help, neuropsychiatrists and neuropsychologists and sports physios specialising in MTBI rehab are good people. Get advice and help from the Headway helpline in office hours. Have you read 'The ghost in my brain' by Clark Elliott? He's also done some YouTube videos which I haven't watched yet so can't vouch for. I also found it useful to read Jody Mardula and Caroline Vaughan's book 'Mindfulness and Stroke - a personal story of managing brain injury.' Caroline Vaughan was Mardula's neuropsychologist and provides an interesting commentary - and the second section of the book is by her and gives useful strategies for coping with brain injury.

Meanwhile take regular brain breaks from noise, light, and screens either every hour or just morning and afternoon - if that works for you. Plus get exercise every day at the level that is manageable based on your pulse rate, and which doesn't trigger worse concussion symptoms.

Things can improve, hope you go on ok.

[Nemo24]

Definitely early days in head injury. Maybe think of how you could meet new people first. Don't put pressure on yourself about relationship. Build a friendship first. I have newer friends that just know me now and think they are happy in my company.

[Headinjuryhypo1]

You've had a lot of kind positive replies which I'm sure have helped. I'd just like to add something we became aware of after our son's suicide, which still not as widely known as it should be. This is that after a quarter of head injuries, and also after concussion, your pituitary gland is damaged and no longer makes the hormones your body needs. Depression, anxiety, fatigue, impotence, the symptoms are endless - weight gain, heart disease, osteoporosis, liver disease . . . I don't know why head injury survivors aren't routinely tested for this (though maybe you were). Anyway, if you think this could possibly apply to you, the Pituitary Foundation website is a good source of information. Also our own website, Christopher Lane Trust, gives advice. And just googling 'post-traumatic hypopituitarism' is quite instructive! The good news is that if they do find you're deficient in some hormones, they can replace them, and you will feel much better and can stride out and find yourself a partner! Growth hormone is the most important to check for, for mood and confidence especially - don't be fobbed off. Good luck if you decide to look into this.

[Graceissufficient in reply to Headinjuryhypo1]

Wow. Really helpful, thank you for this and for turning the sadness into hope for others.

[Headinjuryhypo1 in reply to Graceissufficient]

Let me know, please, if you do decide to get him tested and if you come up against obstacles. I might be able to advise.