Hi all, it's certainly been a while!
I've been thinking more into the future these days. Ever since the stroke I've just been in "just focus on the next second" mode of living. But now as I go into work and start thinking about what's to come it's really started to make me struggle.
I've made such desperate attempts to feel how I used to; I've gone to old places, looked over old conversations, seen people I haven't seen in years, read old essays, read old books, watched old tv shows, listened to songs over and over again I used to listen to in the hopes that everything in my brain would just turn on again. But it just isn't happening.
So now I like to think of it (as morbid as it sounds) that I died that day. I had a good 20 years there, but it's too painful to try and carry that life on. Whatever this life is now I consider to be like a bonus level. It's really taken the sting out of it all and the pressure of trying to revert to before.
Dumping my thoughts here as per usual!