Thank you

[Fajarabird]

Thank you for all you very generous and lovely people who welcomed me to headway it was quite overwhelming. Living in west Africa it can sometimes be a bit isolating. .bless you all. Fajarabird

[cat3]

I would say thank YOU Val for taking the trouble to get to grips with the workings of the site and showing us what a lovely mum Jules has !

Don't forget we're here whenever you want to talk. (it's really quiet here just now but normal activity should resume soon). Cat x

[Hidden]

What a lovely nickname - fajarabird! Is it the name of a real bird in the gambia? If so, I can picture it being very colourful and flamboyant.

[Fajarabird in reply to Hidden]

Hi how very nice to hear from you.

Nombthe area we live in is called .fajara and we have lots of birds there so I just called my email that......I kind of forget oasswords so it's best if they are mostly the same..

It was so really nice to hear from a lot of people yesterday, although I joined headway in October, just never got the courage or probably the ability to take it further.....I,ve been following messages thiugh and I I,ve read lots of yours as I have many others who welcomed me. A bit like greeting friends in a way..

Jules getting there is my daughter, you may know that......how odd is that, mum and daughter with a BI. Have lived in The Gambia nearly twenty years......

I return to the UK every year. Usually for scans and MRI, and to see my three beautiful daughters.

Lovely to have your message,

Val

[Hidden in reply to Fajarabird]

Yes, the site is a bit like greeting friends. Reading people's stories has helped me to understand my husband's bi better. Also when dealing with him gets too much, I know I can come on here and everyone will understand how things are much better then my family would.

I expect your weather is good now, or are you in the rainy season? It has been lovely here today, a really crisp, chilly autumn day with a gorgeous sunset tonight. I have holidayed in many parts of the world but never in the Gambia. One of the nurses in my husband's chemotherapy unit also comes from there and he tells us stories of the gorgeous mangos his family grow on their farm.

Hope 2017 is a good year for you.

Jan

[Fajarabird in reply to Hidden]

Hello Jan.i didn,t know that you cared for your husband who has a BI.min many ways that must be harder than actually living with it, although you do really don't you. If my husband would talk about living with me, he could share some things.......my rages are still overpowering sometimes and yet I thank godmhe is still here. The thing is I never know when I am going to have them, I wish I did. Think it is to do with the anger I still feel that I,m not "me" anymore. Wish I had somewhere to talk about it, but The Gambia is not renowned for those sort of services.

We,ve just come out of the rains and won't see them again until next June. At least the humidity is dropping and we have cool breezes from the sea which we live quite close to

I wish you too a good 2017 and your husband as well and hope you have some warm sunny days before long.

Val

[Hidden in reply to Fajarabird]

My husband no only has a bi, it has led to the beginnings of dementia and he has cancer!! Luckily he doesn't have rages very often although I am still suffering from the broken bones I got the last time he 'lost it'.

Could you book some counselling sessions for the next time you come to the UK? It really does help to have someone to talk things over with.

If your husband ever needs to talk things over, I have been living with this for over 30 years, so get him to contact me.

All the best

Jan

[randomphantoms in reply to Fajarabird]

Hi Val

You seem to be very aware of your rages.

One of the problems we can experience is the inability to switch out emotional states.

Something that has really helped me is having my hubby call my name in a firm flat voice when I am going off the deep end. It really helps me to take a step back and now I have actually been able to do it once myself.

Love n hugs

Xoxo

[Fajarabird in reply to randomphantoms]

Thanks for reply........ and he only person I direct my rages to are my husband,they are really bad, ashamed of myself, when he cares for me every day. I showed him your reply and he just grunted.. don't think he is being deliberately provocative but he just seems to wind me up so much, particularly at night when I get very tired.

In the daytime, it usually never happens.

Val

[randomphantoms in reply to Fajarabird]

Ok Val.

If it's only at night when you are tired then making time to have a few time outs during the day might be a better way to go.

I know it sounds like a contradiction in terms but building these breaks into your day means that you can function at a higher level between them and just maybe avoid the night time explosions.

Love n hugs

Xoxo

[Fajarabird in reply to randomphantoms]

That sounds really sensible.....will try

Val x