Suspicious minds

Here goes! This forum is a place of safety and support for those of us with a bi and family members.

Like many of us I trust that posts are genuine.

Now I find myself questioning this. Not because of the posts by AnnoyedDad_2009 but the responses from friends and forum members.

No one (apart from those who have added the family to prayer lists) believes that such bad luck could befall one family in such a short space of time.

At one point I was even given cause to consider that it may be some form of experiment by Headway to see how vulnerable/gullible we may be.

Even someone who added the family to their prayer "chain" asked questions.

People are capable of amazing things and the adrenaline associated with trauma to a loved one plus a particular mind set makes coping with the impossible manageable.

I know that we are all different but I hope that our humanity can be front and centre at this time of year.

Wishing everyone what you need for Christmas and hoping the new year brings only good news for all.

Love n hugs


11 Replies

  • I don't know what's happened or what I've missed. But here's the post I put in the anoxic care givers group on fb this am... all true. Sadly ...

    So I need to have a little rant. 2016 (particularly its last 2 months) has been extremely cruel to many. However, I just have to share how mean it has been to our family. In October, my partners paternal grandfather was admitted to hospital with a UTI, he was hallucinating and had been complaining about pain in his arm for weeks. No amount of tests, scans or anything had shown any real issue.

    Once admitted, the tests became more extensive and it was discovered that he had cancer, liver, spine, lungs and shoulder.terminal, nothing to do but wait, days maybe weeks. He was sent home to die and on the 8th November, we got a call (I was at work) saying that he was taking his last breaths and could we go over.

    I got on the train, and received another phone call from my partner. He was crying and I assumed I'd "just missed" his grandfathers passing. I was wrong. He was saying that HIS father (my father in law had had a heart attack on his way to granddads home and had been rushed to hospital.

    Upon arrival , it was discovered he'd been dead for 50 minutes while paramedics worked on him. His condition was critical and we weren't sure he'd survive the night.

    That evening, his father passed away.

    For my father in law things improved and he has made a somewhat "miraculous" recovery. He's now in rehab. Talking, walking. He has the basic foundations which promise a good recovery.

    However, it's hard to get excited when my finances MATERNAL grandfather fell and broke his hip about a week after my father in laws HA. He was admitted and his hip was replaced. It didn't seem too drastic. How ever, a few days later he seemed to developer a blockage in his gut. They couldn't find what it was but shortly after that, he began bleeding heavily (4 pints in 15 mins) he was given many transfusions and it all looked hopeless for a few days. Then suddenly it stopped.

    He seemed to improve, he got his colour back and the hospital began talking of sending him home. Monitors were removed and people let go of the breath they'd been holding in.

    Then all of a sudden, Friday morning, we got a call saying he'd been found in cardiac arrest. They didn't know how long, but at least 15 mins. They managed to get his heart going. But at 87, diabetic and after all the trauma he'd just been through, they didn't give much hope.

    He was on life support and on Sunday, they started talking about switching off the machines. He was partially breathing but showing now other signs . He was convulsing badly and almost constantly too.

    On Tuesday, we attended the funeral of my fiancée paternal grandfather, his nan held it off as long as she could in case my father in law could go. As it happens he doesn't even know. We haven't told him. 😔 were worried about traumatising him and the psych team at the rehab have said that it needs to be done very delicately and when he is retaining things better. I think we're almost at that point now and he's asking about his mum . We've had to lie and say they're on holiday.

    It's all so tragic. Yesterday, they switched off the machines for grandad, he died at 10:15 last night. My fiancé is in ruins, as is my mother in law but hiding it from her husband and best friend. Two deaths. It's just awful.

    Times like this make you wonder how you'll ever get through it. 3 days before Christmas. I haven't told the kids, they were devastated enough about their great grandad dying and their grandad being so sick. I can't tell them about the third.

    Anyway, Just needed to tell this story. Thank you for reading . Sorry to be a downer and so much love and strength to all those of you hear who have it so terrible! 💗💕💙💚💜💞💖

  • Curlycuz I wish we all had a magic wand we could wave to take the pain away .

    Thinking of you and yours.

    Love n hugs


  • Thanks. They've told my FIL today about his father passing away. He's taken it well. I just hope that he retains it so they don't have to continue breaking his heart. The rehab team decided today was the day. I hope they know what they're doing!

  • You know Random, I sometimes have my doubts but if that is the case I delete said post and don't get involved. That way I save myself the stress and heartache, because I have to look after me.

    If I don't get replies when I post that is ok, I don't do it for attention so all is good.

    Take care

    Love Janet x

  • sorry you've got me....what's going on with this post? I haven't even seen your post Janet x

  • Hi Swedishblue

    It's OK. I should have taken a leaf out of Janet's book and let it go but it's my brain.

    I was and am still to do what I can to help AnnoyedDad_2009 (please click on the blue bit to see his posts).

    Such tragedy.

    A few people on the forum and my own family members questioned the truth of the posts and that started a really unpleasant negative train of thought that was threatening to run away. That's why I posted.

    Love n hugs


  • Hi Swedish blue, I haven't posted anything I'd read a post where someone was a bit unsure that some posts weren't genuine and I was just pointing out that if I was in that kind of position I would just delete the post and not get involved with anything. That way I wouldn't get stressed or taken in.

    That's all.


  • I suspect many of us have found this particular scenario difficult to believe, but I've given it the benefit of the doubt for two reasons :- Firstly, if the events described are genuine then the need for support must be enormous ; secondly, in 2012, my family experienced one tragedy after another and even WE found the toll so relentless as to be 'unbelievable'.

    So I'm seeing it from both sides, but I'm thinking that if there is fabrication at work here, then the person responsible must be a very troubled soul.

  • I went through many years of tragic deaths within a few years of each other I had to turn off my fathers life support machine, then my 3 day old daughters. My wifes uncle and aunt were in a car accident where he lost a leg and her aunt was decapitated. I lost 3 uncles and an aunt, wifes mother and father died and 10 close motorcycling friends died over a 6 week period.

    Whilst it may sound macho or uncaring, the culture I was brought up in South Wales used to be that people left for work in the morning and never knew if they would come back in one piece or at all at the end of the day. So death and injury, down here are unremarkable and multiple incidents people don't think much of.

    When people saw me after my injury, quite often they would say things like "now that you have time off could help me build a fence" Not so much as you need to take things easy but get on with things as these things happen and move on.

    So whilst it does seem farcical to some, that people (or those around) have runs of bad luck it is more common than people make out

  • Sospan

    I think that apart from the cultural differences there is probably a bigger influence.

    On this forum we all have some experience of how devastating any brain injury can be ......and being loving and caring souls some of us simply can't or don't want to imagine that so many events could happen.

    I agree that such runs of bad luck are more common than people think.

    Hope you have the best Christmas possible.

    Love n hugs


  • No problem,

    Seasons wishes to you and all around you.

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