So sad and lonely

[Iwona084]

Is anyone else feeling so alone, upset and firgitten today? Im just so close to giving up everything...

[Candace8]

Big hugs. It's a passing phase, keep telling yourself that xx

[moo196]

Hugs.....can maybe talk at the weekend....have you been making any plans to join yr husband? To decorate your new home ? Keep looking for positives.....however small they may seem. Headway lady had me make a "little book of positivity"...cut out pictures of all things I like/want to do/to aim for....I still carry it in my handbag to look at if feeling rubbish. X

[Iwona084 in reply to moo196]

It sounds a great idea to have such book. I may need help to remember what I like

Im not making wny plans Kathy as my marriage is following apart before it had chance to actually start

[RecoveringH in reply to Iwona084]

I remember the time when I didn't know myself. I couldn't remember what I liked or disliked. I couldn't taste, smell or hear properly. I feel for you. Like being a stranger to yourself. Impossible to connect with others when unable to know thyself. Do you have access to any outdoor places that you used to go to when you were young, ideally 0-7 years old or before 18years old. Try to take yourself there and just sit. Just be. Breathe it in. You will be comfortable and you wont know why. But. You will feel comfortable! x

[moo196 in reply to Iwona084]

Well, I was sceptical about the booklet - didn't know what to put in - but sat with A from headway and was soon cutting and sticking like a 5 year old - little pictures of ..... a swimming pool, a kettle ( to make a cup of tea),some modern art, a world map, a bike, some yoga postures, a bath, my kids of course, a recipebook, some musical notes ............... just some ideas about what to look for if I needed to find some enjoyment somewhere/sometime..... Yours may be similar or very different.....

[Julesgettingthere]

Hello Iwona

I have been on this site so many times feeling that way, maybe everybody has.

Remember, you have a solid base here, here on Health unlocked, full of brilliant people, all wjo really know whats in your head and they will be there for you when you are like this. You can always turn to them until things resolve, as they always do.

Sounds like your having problems with your partner, sorry, thats not what you need right now. Why dont you chat to some of the people here and ask for advice ? 'A problem shared'. They talk common sense, which sometimes is hazy when you are so involved.

All the best to you

Jules

x

[Steve49]

Hi.

You no longer need to feel alone anymore we are here for you 24/7.

You don't need to feel upset and forgotten we are here to listen.

Don't give up that's the "easy way out"

Hang on in there.

Please let me know if I can help???

Steve.

[Iwona084]

For some strange readon im ruining my relationship because im not ready for anything. I feel my husband deserves more than what i can give.

[LukeB in reply to Iwona084]

I feel the same about my gf (she has said many times we are finished but she is Chinese and is a woman😂). I keep telling her about head injury. She's a bit understanding but sometimes not.

Its hard to know what's best. Try and find a good feeling/place/food/person/whatever and go with it 😊

[MXman]

I have good and bad days Iwona and they pass. Hopefully you will have a more positive evening. Nick Xx

[cat3]

You know my thoughts on the matter Iwona. I've just messaged you m'dear. xx

[aqua4]

Hi Iwona, here's a hug from me. Don't ever give up. So many times I've felt like that.

Glad I didn't. The support and kind words on here have got me through many really low days.

I hope they help you too.

Take care. Kx

[Candace8]

Oh Hun, you will have very bad days and very bad days are not consolable. One day good one day bad. Your husband needs to know this. Will he listen to you if you say sorry but !!!! Will he look up things or even come on here for advice and help dealing with everyday life with you. Does he understand it's only tempary and you will get better in time. To hug, a hug is a great thing, a much needed thing. Don't give up yet , people turn away when things are tough or they don't understand. I hope we can help you and your husband x

[Iwona084 in reply to Candace8]

Dear Candy, thank you for your message. Yes, my husband will do anything for me. He laughs that he will do for love even what Meat Loaf wouldnt the problem is in me. I dont let him. I want him to have his life; he wants to travel, surf, climb, he is very active. Im sure he wants to have children. I cant imagine myself giving him all what he deserves. He is the most loving and caring person I know and i dont really deserve it.

Im trying to shape my life at the moment and I just dont know how. I know the best for me would be if he stays with me for few months, just to make me feel better, sleep better, laugh, have walks. But I cannot ask him that! I cant expect he will leave his job and put life on hold just because i need it. I cant tell him that. I feel i should either be stronger or let him go. He does not want and I feel like the world's biggest cold bitch (sorry but this is the only word that reflects how i feel about myself). Im not nice to him, im harsh, cold, nasty even. I dont want to be like this but somehow it comes easier. I feel so quilty after but i know that he will leave his life if i say i want him, or need him. So i cant do that. Even though im falling apart. I dont know whats wrong with me. I have a loving husband, most woderful men on earth and I cant take it

[Candace8 in reply to Iwona084]

As you can see from last nights argh we do all have really bad days, gone today and feel ok.

Right Hun, how far on are you for recovery. Sounds like you have a lot of built up anger and you are taking it out on him then feeling quilts. You need and must talk to him, as in talk. You must open up. You can't say you should let him go Hun, he will defo if he wanted. Everyone left me and my boyfriend ran.

He clearly wants to be with you, to help you many wouldn't. As said you really must talk before it's too late. He prob has no idea how you feel. That's not fair on him and I see how much that not being fair upsets you.

Don't be a meany to him, talk and explain. He sounds really lovely so don't loose him. Show him what you write on here if you not wanting to talk in depth about this. Explain this will tell him how you feel in detail without you sitting down saying it. Go for a bath or for a little walk when he does so you don't feel awkward . Please open up to him xx

[Iwona084 in reply to Candace8]

Im 1,8 yrs after SAH. I thought i was doing fine but i developed some cervical spine problems and anxiety. Doctors suspect i have mild ptsd and this is what blocks my recovery. Tom ( my husband) knows how I feel but he keeps telling me we will manage together and I feel it should not be "together" but rather me and him as what happen to me did not really happen to him. He disagrees and this is where we cannot get th agreement. My therapist says im hard to open up and build the relationship because i dont beleive someone could love me and BI only made that stronger. I know I have still work to do but sometimes it is so hard to carry on. Especially with the pains, balance issues and fatigue. I know im not the only one but in my environment I am.

[Candace8 in reply to Iwona084]

Yep you have lots of work to do. Your brain needs to be told how to handle this. PTSD is really horrid. I used to have it bad and the anxiety it brings is the worsted . You need to stop giving yourself a hard time, easier said than done I know. Ask your therapist about " grounding " . It works and if you know about it you need to practice cause you've not got it right. Maybe you need a diff type of therapist now cause this one no longer working for you. I saw I fell diff ones till I found what worked for me. If your husband will help you that's fantastic, don't say you have to do it alone or you should do it as its you that's broken. Ok right think of your brain as an ikle person. He doesn't know much so needs to be told what to do. He is broken and sad. Every bone is broken for him and he needs you to mend them, it you will only be able to fix one bone at a time and will have to use a pot, cast, to support the bone till its fixed. Then you can start on an arm ect. When you have mended him he is going to jump around and wave his hands. You did it for him 🤗. Now thing about him. What you going to mend first and remember he will need a pot to support the bone xx

[Candace8 in reply to Candace8]

I didn't end that very well. Like the ikle one in you head needs pots, casts to help mend the bone see your husband as a cast supporting what needs fixing on you to, one cast for each emotion as you can only mend one properly at a time or they will all be half fixed and brake again. One at a time , slower but better xx

[peaches2 in reply to Iwona084]

Iwona, I think feeling like that is part of the accepting who you are process that we all go through. I know I still have fleeting thoughts that my poor husband hasn't got the life he thought he would have when he married me and yes it makes me so sad for him and guilty too. I actually tell my husband everything, there's no secrets in this house, I wear my heart on my sleeve...and when I said to him that I didn't feel good enough for him he was black affronted and said he couldn't believe he was hearing that, it actually hurt him a lot, as he said, we are a partnership, whatever happens we are united and that will never change. He was very sweet and made me see sense by saying that he could easily (god forbid) be in an accident and not be the same person again, so would I just walk away or would I see to his every need...and well the answer was simple, I would care for him everyday if I had to. He said feelings for somebody don't change because they have taken ill, infact they grow stronger! Yes it's difficult somedays to be who we are now but we are loved just the same and most don't see us as any different anyway so why should our partners. I know mine is a gem of a man, he's my rock but I certainly don't want to be needy of him, I function as well as I can and I push myself when I'm able and if I'm not able then I just try to accept it's an off day...or another off day, haha! I was quite fit before my brain tumour and I didn't have an ounce of fat on me....now I am up two dress sizes and my whole body is changing but we love each other for who we are...not what we are. So please don't bring yourself down dear, as we are often too quick to do that and it could easily have a detrimental effect on your relationship. Chin up, I'm sure he loves you just the way you are! There are lots of things my husband would love to do and obviously I'll never manage...but I'll be there with bells on watching him if I can, so you could try to do the same when you can. Just try to see things from his point of view, like you say he's the most wonderful man on earth....so there's your answer! Best wishes to you, as I know it's a horrible feeling loving somebody so much you have thoughts about letting them go to live their own life but in reality....they'd miss us way too much....and so they blooming should...we're a great catch ...we've got good hearts and that's what matters most! xx

[LukeB in reply to Iwona084]

I think you should tell him. Find the right moment and open your hearts. Looking at it from here its what I need to do as well!...

[Hidden]

Hi Iwona, it just sounds as though you need some self love. You are a lovely person if you can think of your husband's happiness before your own. He is with you and loves you. Being with you need not stop his active lifestyle, he won't be with you 24/7. He can go off and do his rock climbing, whatever, but he will be coming back to you because he loves you. Don't let all your self doubts ruin this lovely relationship, many people would love to have a partner who cares so much. As others have said, you need different counselling, something to rebuild your self respect. Go back to your doctor and see what can be arranged.

This is a great man you have, hang onto him YOU DESERVE HIM.

[auton143]

Big hugs from me, lonely is where being a new one I still feel xxx

[Candace8]

Hey Hun you feeling any better now xx

[Iwona084 in reply to Candace8]

Hi, my husband decided to come over for few months and help me taking the days slow. After that we will decide what to do. I need to find in myself the agreement for that but I know how miaerable our lives were when we werent together. Im still full of doubts but I will let him. He should tell me today how they took it at his work.

There is a hard day ahead - rehab and then long day at work and doctor appointment.

Thank you for all kind words! X

[Candace8 in reply to Iwona084]

Oh dear you got a good day ain't ya. Not. Sending you all my love and a massive hug then xx