Headway
5,723 members8,085 posts

Lonely!

Lonely!

Hi All :)

I try to check out HealthUnlocked at least once or twice a week, but sometimes I get so wrapped up in other things - I just forget.

On the whole, you guys are really good people and I haven't had a single issue so thanks everyone for reluctantly joining the 'sh*t show' that is brain injury and staying connected :)

I have officially been 'single' for a month now and saying I'm lonely is the understatement of the year so if there are ANY chicas out there that wanna talk please holla atcha fellow TBI!

43 Replies
oldestnewest

Know Exactly about being Alone. Always, eating, out drinking am forgetful of human etticate if rarely joined by others.

As stated before, skateboarding broke down alot of barriers and more importantly, got me out of confinement.

1 like
Reply

Oh just between us, a Tip..cat cafés are a great non judgemental place for looking...

1 like
Reply

thanks for replying :) - i'm 29, but not exactly a 'millenial' so what is a 'cat cafe'?? lol is that where you drink coffee while petting cats?

Reply

Yeah, cat company, coffee, food, alcohol and folk are excepting more of random conversation. Great to unwind watching cats entertain everyone. Without this, my Life would be Empty. Plenty around UK & world. Very successful concept

Reply

sh*t I forgot to click 'reply' but my responses are below:

Reply

I LOVE CATS and the most painful part of my separation is not seeing as my ex calls them 'wor boys' they're brothers from Atlanta, GA that we adopted when they were just a few weeks old :)

I'm allergic to 2 things: Cats/Mold

lol so I developed a perfect tolerance to ours after like a couple of years, but I'm picturing myself with swollen eyes (not making eye contact with anyone), sweating and rash central - not the best place to show off my 'cute face' lol

Reply

i love black coffee though - i drink about 2 litres of it a day and some grub never hurts, but I don't drink alcohol and not because I'm super close to Jesus and I see it as a sin, but because my dad was an alcoholic (amazing dad though) and when I was 19 I became addicted to Whiskey and it took me a few years to stop drinking like at least half a bottle a day on a work day and 1 bottle + on the weekends so now the occassional beer, but I quit smoking and alcohol :)

1 like
Reply

so what's your story crazy cat-lady?? what's your actual name? where you from and what's your deal lol?

Reply

I'm nae a lass! Appologies. Just figuring every day like anybody else & sharing tips

Reply

:) stop that apologising stuff - you've done nothing to merit an apology to me :)

I'm just messing with you! so does nae a lass have a name?

Reply

Just go by my profile name. no offence, just private /vague at times due to personal need. Enjoy Help &community here on HW

1 like
Reply

HW Is cool with me :) I'm MW so maybe that makes you feel I can relate lol

Look, I totally get the anonymity thing and I respect that. Obviously, like most I'm sure, I read the 'just private/vague at times due to personal need' and started breaking down in my head what your ''personal need'' could be lol

I'm kind of thinking 1.) you're on the run and don't want to be found 2.) you're a transgender person and you just don't find yourself ready to face the world 3.) You had something happen and you're understandably reluctant to make this site more than a place you go every now and then so you keep your 'identity' private.

It's very very likely it's none of that and a more serious reason so if it's the latter HW, I'm sorry

Reply

just realised HW are the initials for Headway LOL wow - this is one of those TBI times! I can use that excuse in here because you all get it!

Reply

It's my career, nearly ruined by a nitwitt Doctor. So will be cautious anywhere. And keep myself Content by avoiding certain details. And understand folk wondering further or playing the guess the job etc.

1 like
Reply

This is a great thread ! My son tells me we have a Cat cafe in town & that it's really laid- back & friendly. I'm going to check it out myself soon.

But considering you have an allergy issue Markus & there are probably no cat cafes in Spain anyway, it'll have to be just you with your own devices.

How about starting up a blog ? As Elenor suggested a couple of weeks ago you're really engaging and funny and I'll bet (with an accompanying photo) the ladies will be well impressed with your humour & quirkiness !

Just putting yourself 'out there' can be a brilliant antidote to loneliness and, ladies aside, it's a good way to make contact with all manner of people.............. x

3 likes
Reply

You know Cat, I know you're told things like this ALL the time because I see it on here, but I will say it too! You're an awesome person and reading the part about 'quirkiness' has me laughing at myself!

Only you can make what should be insult-like a harmless, hilarious thing :)

But thank you for the nice comments Cat

This whole blog thing was actually suggested to me just yesterday by Goldie11 which has really engaged me and I'm thinking about it so thanks for adding fuel to the 'thought fire' Cat :)

Only thing I can't really see myself doing is sitting in my apartment, hunched over my iMac - typing away like a jobless hobo.

At the onset, it sounds really really interesting and a good fit for a host of reasons, but eventhough I accept that billionaires like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Steve Wozniak and others found great success in doing this kind of thing - I don't at the moment see myself as the 'nerd' that just pokes away at a keyboard while the world passes me by. I'm way less active post-accident, but I'm as a person just free-spirited and active so we'll see.

I don't mean I want 'ladies' Cat in the atypical sense. My ex, as I've said already, had cancer x3 times and in the end surgeons had to remove pretty much everything down below so she lost her 'hormones' and natural ability/desire for contact whether that means kissing, hugging, flirty words or sex. That's not at all her fault. Me being a tosspot and crashing my superbike is completely my fault - so I don't blame her in the slightest, but I'm 29 now hitting 30 in 2 months and I just emotionally and physically want more.

I sound like an A-class as*hole, but when you don't get touched or loved in that way, you end up slowly losing certain feelings for that person and that's my story :(

If I had more time Cat; I'd probably come up with a better way to say all the above and I'm leaving out a lot of the nuts & bolts, but I have to leave in a minute so I'm just spilling out my crap from my heart.

Thanks for the extraordinary support Cat.

2 likes
Reply

👍😖 x

1 like
Reply

PS -- my friends are only my friends because of their 'quirkiness' ; it's definitely not an insult Markus ! 😏

2 likes
Reply

does that mean I just won a place on your friends list?!!?! ;)

Reply

Ha ha ; absolutely. You're a breath of fresh air......................... & don't believe anything to the contrary ! 😸 x

1 like
Reply

I agree with Cat you are engaging and funny...you have real wit about you that someone like me could only aspire to. You actually remind me of one of my brothers who has the same endearing qualities. 😁

1 like
Reply

Thanks Rachel :) I genuinely appreciate you taking the time for a complete stranger and making me feel amazing!

1 like
Reply

Only saying as I see it. 😁

1 like
Reply

Hi I am going through a divorce due to having tbi. My husband has PUT up with my tbi issues for 22 years but now cannot accept it any more. So I am going to be alone. He is not only leaving me but taking as much of my injury compassion money as he can. So I am finding this time very traumatic.

Best

Mufc

Reply

hola :) listen, life throws some serious sh*t at all of us at one point, but if you find your strength which is guaranteed to be inside somewhere, you will come out the other side of all this in one piece. The most difficult development for me was finding my self-confidence again, but after the agonisingly brutal emotional disaster of my marriage ending after 11 years and a lot of shared horrible experiences - i found myself again and you will too.

Your TBI has no doubt been mostly a nightmare, but on a personal level you can now 'cut through the bul*shit' and see ''truth'' like you never have before. It can be, as it appears now after 22 years, that you feel lost, broken and in some ways - a 'burden' on your husband, but all a good person can do is give as much love as he/she can and just seeing how upset you are shows me that you have done that and if it results in 'divorce' then so be it. You're alive so you have an opportunity to thrive off of your achievements and accept, as hard as it may be, that you can fail, but because of what you've been through and conquered - you can battle the poor emotions and one day hopefully soon - regain your happiness :)

Reply

I don't know much about Spain but for me here in the UK a "cause" is what fires me up. So I've been involved with MIND and other charitable agencies. The beauty there is you can test your abilities, whilst meeting like minded people until the the revolution comes.

Also your negative experience may put you in a better position to understand and help others in despair, nothing beats gold stars in heaven.

2 likes
Reply

Thank you I use to be a cancer research specialist nurse. So I am aware of how important it is to be strong. I will get through this😃

2 likes
Reply

yes mam you will! :) my pops passed 7 years ago from terminal cancer, but one thing he never, not once lost - was his humorous and positive nature. He knew he had months if that left to live, but he didn't willow. He said f*ck it I'm dying so I may as well have fun with it and that's what I inherited from him that strong will and seeing light in the darkest tunnel & that is what I believe got me through because on paper I look like I should be dead or like I used to be; unable to walk, talk, eat or go to the bathroom myself.

Specialists with lifetimes of experience still can't comprehend how I'm like this, but I've been wheelchair free for 2 1/2 years and yeah I'm not like I used to be, but I've chosen and you should choose to take the good out of it. Realise that you have learned so much and found/recognise this strength you didn't think you really had.

22 years is a very long time, but your marriage can represent achievement, personal growth, life experience and you can choose to use that when it stops hurting inside to help you build the blocks to your version of a perfect future.

This sh*t you're going through happens only to those few that find a long lasting love like you did and it turns out not to be. You're much more than a brain injury. You are a real person and not some 'vegetable' unable to think for herself. You can do this.

1 like
Reply

He says it is because he has lost his arma. He was held captive in the New York shooting last year I understand what he has lost but in my opinion he should be happy he escaped and came out alive. As I’ve never experience PTSD. I find it hard to understand why he feels he needs to do this. Maybe he is just using that as an excuse.

Reply

well unless your loved one is going through this or you yourself have this lost limb then you will never be able to understand how he really feels or what he might be feeling like.

I'm from Miami, FL and it's a gang-ridden place so stories like yours are not completely new to me which I'm actually a little ashamed of.

The man he was, is not the man he is. Maybe he is that man to you and his peers, but the trauma of losing your arm is not just about the arm - it's also soul crushing and he probably, expectedly, struggles emotionally and pushing you away makes him feel like he's the one in control. He couldn't control what happened in NY, but he still has a grip on his relationship and he's decided he feels 'better' about himself subconsciously when he pushes you away.

That's just a somewhat educated guess based on my own experience with a similar situation and based on my own life. After my accident, I was La-La for nearly 2 years and then not myself - just this shell that was confused 24/7 and in my core I was screaming and wanting out. Pushing my wife and bestfriend away gave me a sense of control which as a stronger personality, I wanted back so badly.

I couldn't walk or talk properly or make any decisions about even where to put my toothbrush and deep within I wanted 'control' back so maybe it's that your husband no longer feels like that strong, able husband, but pushing you away (the one and only thing he feels he influences fully), he feels like arm or no arm he still controls himself and his life.

I think it's highly possible that he loves you with all his heart, but he's buried that deep until his brain becomes chemically secured and he gets his self-confidence back and the reality is with a horrific trauma like his - it can take more than a year or two.

Maybe you can face the music with him. Sit down with him for a chat. Don't patronise him by saying things like 'hunnie can we sit a moment' like his mother because that'll just likely put him on 'brain defensive' just casually sit down next to him at a quiet time so there are no distractions. Just look into his eyes and as much as it sounds hurtful - just calmly reiterate what's happened to him and he'll see that you actually understand more than he thinks you do. Then say how it doesn't make him any less of a man or make him any less handsome than the man you feel in love with in year dot. Tell him that you will never fully understand what it's like, but he doesn't have to deal with it on his own - you love him with all your being and he and you are a 'team' and as a team we can get through this together.

1 like
Reply

It is me that has the tbi I cannot walk independently or drive, my moods are bad and I loose my temper he has no injury from our car crash. He was the driver. Now he has experienced his anxiety his way of copping is to divorce me.

Reply

:( - I couldn't walk for like a year and a half and not at all through lack of trying. I was doing my own physio therapy every single day and actual professional physio with a highly regarded head injury team in the NE as well weekly, but it still took seemingly forever so I understand in a way how that is for you.

My friend Liam was on a motorcycle behind me using his GoPro camera that inadvertenly captured/recorded my crash and when the Driver & Vehicle Licensing Agency played the recording back and saw me doing 140+mph on a countrylane - yeah they took my licence and figuratively speaking -- burned it.

My moods were never bad and are not now, but when I felt cornered in an argument because my brain is damaged so at this time I couldn't defend myself or my view so sometimes I'd lash out emotionally and physically.

So I understand. Your husband might feel soooo overwhelmed that he wants out to find 'normal' again.

That is in a lot of ways, natural human reaction/behaviour in a situation like yours. I know that's going to be tough to hear, but facing the 'whole truth' and not just 'your truth' is the only way you can find a happy answer if that's a possibility.

Reply

Sorry I have a few issues:

A-no one reluctantly chooses to have a BI

B-it certainly is the opposite of an excuse

C-this isn't a dating forum to look for love I sure there are single nights in your area of the world and I think the last thing any of us needs to for a relationship to make are life more complicated than it already is epically a long distance one

Personal experience I can't date anyone else with a BI as I can't even deal with my own let alone someone else's (trust me I've tried!)

1 like
Reply

Hey Bexx87,

I don't know if that was directed at me solely, but I feel kinda 'guilty' with your "C'' because I posted something about me myself being lonely and if anyone wants to reach out to please do :/

No living person unless you're a lunatic, would ever 'choose' brain damage. I never said that nor will I ever say that.

My TBI I will never rest on as an "excuse". I have made it very clear on here that my motorcycle accident was 1000% my doing/fault.

I may be talking out of my as* and you were not directing anything at me, but just wanted to 'clear my name' with my two cents.

Having an accident or being attacked resulting in any serious injury whether brain injury or otherwise - is never going to just be "okay", but an accident or incident doesn't define us totally and shouldn't.

My TBI defines me, but I refuse to let it shadow my 'good' and I'm not going to just accept that I'm this head fu*k slow moron and forget ever finding love again.

This place is for people to seek support and/or understanding. It's not a 'dating forum', but members here are not going to be told by you or anyone that they can't earn love and potentially find that in a place where they relate. Some TBI's are less severe than others, but if your brain is affected in any way - that's always life-changing so hopefully forming friendships and maybe even becoming lucky enough to find love is not something to 'shy' away from or leave you feeling like you're scum and inappropriate so Bexx87 - genuinely and without desire for confrontation, I personally (just me) disagree with some of your opinion.

Reply

I've only said re-said things you have put in your first post or responses to people this isn't an attack you can disagree with me allllllllllll you like free of opinion and all that I know exactly what this forum is and I know what it's like to be lonely but I'm not the one saying if any chicks wanna holla let me know !!!

And fyi I don't know if you notice my profile pic!

And I'm not saying people cant fall in love (I know 2 people off here that have I'm just sure they haven't done it in a way you have)

1 like
Reply

Ok Bexx87 - I get that and I'm sorry if I misspoke and offended you. I'm not a rainbow licker that see's only 'happy colours' and things so I will say it as I see it and Bexx87 you are very likely a great person, but telling me or anyone how to behave isn't your place or concern.

I'm American (Miami, FL) so I speak differently to you and others. My comment about if you're wanting to chat just holla is a very down to earth way of saying "I'm single and lonely so friendship that may turn into something else - I'm game for".

There is nothing at all wrong with that. I didn't curse or verbally attack anyone.

Again, if my comment offended you I am sorry and would have greatly appreciated a direct message and not a hijack of someone's important thread :/

You'll learn in life like we all do, that on normal occassion - you will read, hear or see something you don't agree with or like, but it's not always about you and how you feel. Sometimes you'll find that you may disagree passionately, but certain things you just keep to yourself.

I'm not saying your incorrect or disrespectful. I'm just asking that if/when you don't like something I've said or done, please bexx87 message me directly and if I decide the through your feedback that I was inappropiate or wrong -- I will delete my post.

Is that okay with you?

Reply

OMG your American, I'll have to be careful, as some of my humor is often taken in the wrong way on other sites, essential that I'm not stood next to them at the bar.:-) (impressed?).

1 like
Reply

Hey, have you considered coconut oil for brain injury? 6 tbspns daily 4 keytone circulation. Gargling for brain, u can search for that. Much care. Ox

1 like
Reply

Thanks for the suggestion :) I haven't tried the pure cocunut oil, but I have tried for awhile the drinks and the improvements if any, were not apparent so I stopped, but CBD Oil interest me because my ex-wife Donna started taking 2 drops a day as a cancer-preventative and it changed her for the better.

She sleeps without interruption now and a good 8 hours among other improvements so maybe CBD oil helps with brain injuries too....

Reply

This is info from the MedicalNewsToday site:

The human body produces certain cannabinoids on its own. It has two receptors for cannabinoids, called CB1 receptors and CB2 receptors.

CB1 receptors are found all around the body, but many of them are in the brain.

The CB1 receptors in the brain deal with coordination and movement, pain, emotions and mood, thinking, appetite, and memories, among others. THC attaches to these receptors.

Site:

medicalnewstoday.com/articl...

Reply

* for keytone circulation

Reply

After my TBI I researched fatty acids and their role in plasticity and I took a nutritional supplement for 2 years. It's so long ago that I can''t remember much more than that, here is some interesting info on Omega 3 and it's role in plasticity:

ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articl...

1 like
Reply

thank you

Reply

You may also like...