Strange world

My Son, Ade is in 24hr care due to brain injury after a cardiac arrest. I went to visit him today and was met by a senior nurse who asked to speak to me in private. Apparently someone had reported me for being friendly with another resident, He a young man who also has b.i. and cannot communicate. I help with the t.v. for him as the sound was on mute!. He actually started to laugh and smile when it was fixed I was so happy I ruffled his hair and pecked him on top of his head. To me it was a break through, but the home has told me if it happens again it will become a safeguarding issue. I have been visiting Ade in this home for over 2 years, I love it when he makes friends and visa versa, but I feel really uncomfortable now, as a lot of them want me to squeeze their hand or some 1 to 1, it is deemed as inappropriate behavior by me. Its all very sad.

12 Replies

  • Safeguarding ?? What's wrong with this world when we can't show regard and affection for others ; especially for those who've been so cruelly deprived.

    I understand the need for boundaries but the staff there are using a pretty draconian interpretation of theirs by objecting to basic human kindness.

    I find it so sad that you should have encountered such coldness Jan and I hope those insensitive remarks will fade with time. It's appalling that you've been made to feel uncomfortable in an already upsetting situation.

    Sending all best wishes to you and your son and sincere regret for your boy's predicament. Cat xx

  • Cat stated everything I was thinking and feeling.

    It is so sad that this is what our world has come!

    Hugs and Prayers to you and your son.


  • Cat beat me to it ... what a sad place this world has become! Don't let them get to you, carry on being a friend to these people but maybe you need to be careful about too much touching as there are some very sick people who will see 'bad' in anything. Reading about that poor little girl who was returned to her abusive father - when things like that are under their noses they don't seem to see the danger. It is so sad that we have to think first now before we do kind things. Jan

  • Cat has hit the nail on the head

    I understand the need and accept the reason for boundaries but it has got really silly

    I am involved with a friend's group which is also a charity which works with all members of the community and the rules put on us by the local Council basically prevent us being friendly, some of the rules are sensible but some I.e seem stupid like we are not supposed to call any one " love or duck"

  • I am so glad that Cat and the others have already replied as your post has me raging inside.

    "Safeguarding" and "care" gone nuts. I just had the image of rows of PEOPLE with numbers instead of faces. Everything is OK so long as all the boxes are ticked and the home's back is covered. Don't get me started.

    Your humanity should be a shining light.

    Please bear with me as I try to bring reason to front and centre of my exploding head.

    Even those of us who have not been in your son's position have known the value of human caring contact.

    Could you ask the home if you could have a criminal records check done for you and that you could interact with your son and his friends when you are there.?

    Sending you love and a great big hug


  • random even if she had a crb check , regulations being the way they are , although she means no harm , she cant go around comforting people in that manner, bless her, shell find herself in trouble

  • Two can demand that the homes management do a CRB check on you and so 'clear' yourself of unfounded suspicion, and you can actually communicate the same degree of care and affection by still using touch/physical contact by using for example the affectionate, gentle, double shoulder punch. Even a handshake can communicate is the intent the gets transmitted.

  • It's that contact that helps us all through difficult times. How sterile our worlds would become if we didn't have it and how much longer our recovery would be if we weren't allowed that contact.

    Nurses are too busy today to give everyone the attention that is needed.

    Keep it up.

    Janet x

  • Yeah coming from a care background it is VERY sadly an issue,however i agree with the idea to get yourself cleared via a C.R,B check,but do talk to the hospital first,it again SADLY for youre proetcion and the paitents, Yes it is a pity that we are so paranoid as a scoiety that you cannot reach out to someone in need!

  • It certainly does seem to be an over reaction. Are you in the UK? If so I am wondering if all residential care homes are being scrutinized more carefully because of what happened at the Blind Children's Residential School in Margate. There, some staff, were treating the young people abusivly and one was dancing with her top half naked and putting her boobs in a residents face etc. It is sad that an extrodinary (sorry can't work out how to spell that word) one off situation forces everywhere else to go to the opposite extreme and perceive any physical touch as a potential risk. But after an incident in any place that is responsible for children or adults, that tends to be the knee jerk reaction in any similar environment - in this situation it is also a residential home that is caring for vulnerable people. Maybe they are trying to protect you as well because some brain injured people lose their sexual inhibitions and can become sexually inappropriate especially if they think that eg by ruffling their hair, that they are being given encouragement. I am not thinking that you are getting it wrong with this guy but there is always that possibility for the staff in the current climate in the uk that safeguarding issues can and do happen.

  • Wow I can't believe iv just read this... Completely agree and coundnt add any more than what Cat has said. Its totally unbelievable what this world is going too. I don't suppose anyone has made the guy smile like you did that day. So much for hope.

    Talke care and have a fantastic Sunday. Nick Xx

  • i worked with learning disabilities cat and this is the same , they are classed as vulnerable adults..............all due to the abuse by our forebearers.

    a sorry world we live in .

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