How

[Candace8]

When you know what I know and you see the things and hear things I do knowing there true and the deverstation that it leaves how do you sleep , go on normally with everyday life HOW

[StrawberryCream]

I have read your post several times but I'm not understanding what you are meaning?? 

[Candace8 in reply to StrawberryCream]

I am quite obscure with what I say. I just meant I am upset by all I know and things I hear and see, xx

[Candace8 in reply to Candace8]

As in is this really life, what life is this, stripping us bare x

[Elenor3]

Do you mean that sometimes evrything is just too much? I understand

[Candace8 in reply to Elenor3]

Yep and things that are happening x

[steve55 in reply to Candace8]

i think what talav is saying, find your nearest headway group go along. there are people there who understand what youre going through.......but my first post still stands

                              steve

[TaIaV]

Dear Candy8Candy,  My heart aches for you.  I don't know if you are referring to things that you are living through or things that are going through your mind, but in any case, they are clearly terrible and seem almost impossibly difficult for you to bear.  In such a time your only true "company" is the mass of other people who have (or have had) such a heavy burden to bear.  There are so many of them. They may not be with you but perhaps, thinking of them, and feeling empathy for them, you will not feel so alone.   And, perhaps, by knowing that you have power to care about others. you will gain strength in the face of your troubles.  

Whatever is troubling you, you know that it is wrong. Keep that in mind to reduce its power over you.  I trust that both time and the actions you take will soothe your spirit and steadily diminish your pain.

[Candace8 in reply to TaIaV]

What a lovely thing to say. Thank you that's really nice 😘

[spartan300]

are you talking about the world today ?

[Candace8]

No just my world x

[Candace8]

I'm finding it very hard to go on now, very hard. Life is not nice. It's cruel, very cruel. There is one girl near me, a local lass kind of and she had the same sort of car crash I did but from what I understand here tbi is much much worse than mine. She was 18 when it happened , there was a lad driving, driving badly and turned car over. I just find this is burning a deep hole in me , a lot and very often. Her fb page shows this gorg girl really enjoying her life then this. Just thinking now WHAT IS THE POINT

[angelite in reply to Candace8]

Okay, Candy, so now you're scaring me a little : (

I do get what you mean. There is a line in the song 'Sit down' by James : 'If I hadn't seen such riches, I could live with being poor'. I think it is the loss of our former selves/abilities that can get to us. We know what is was like to have a fully functional 'normal' life so it is natural that we 'go compare' to what we have now. We miss ourselves and our old lives , much like we would miss an old friend. I lost, regained some, then lost again recently ( big surprise to me ! ) I try not to look too far into my future  but try to live for now and embrace what I can still do at this time : ) I have to look at it this way - I am not much different in physical ability now  to someone who had been born with say, a  form of cerebral palsy, except that I was lucky enough to have had the benefit and enjoyment of  relatively normal  function up until the age of 44 - so how lucky am I ! ? To have had a foot in both worlds - the abled and disabled has given me an insight and empathy that I never would have realised, without going through my experiences. I would like to think that I can use this knowledge to help and support others.

I read your background - what an amazing organ the brain is, coupled with the power of human spirit, to have brought you this far ! Bad things happen : accidents, illness, disease - I don't know the reason or even if we should be looking for one but part of being the feisty, adaptive little creatures that we are is our drive to improve, create, make new discoveries. I'm on the learning curve of a lifetime - it has huge challenges and perhaps rather surprisingly, some unexpected benefits too.

Love, Angela x

[cat3]

The point (for me) is that humans often make mistakes ; we all do.  It's just that some mistakes have worse consequences than others, and people around can get hurt.

All we can do is try to either forgive or understand the mistake, or deed, and help those who've suffered from it.

It's easy to judge, and I've done that many times when the deeds look more deliberate than accidental, but I often wonder how dreadful it must be when the perpetrator is a loved one, and an otherwise good & caring person.

I remember a boy being punched here in Sale and dying from the blow, and folk laid flowers at the scene of his death.  The mother of his killer was seen laying flowers and a message of sorrow with tears pouring down her face.

There are people everywhere making bad choices ......................drugs : alcohol : violence : and there are so, so many victims.  We need to address both, and there are folk trying to do just that every day.

And for the victims, we need to do everything in our power to compensate them, but it'll never be enough.

Whilst we remain human, both good and bad things will happen but we can't control it ; only keep on picking up the pieces.

Sorry you're hurting Candy.   xx

[angelite in reply to cat3]

'Picking up the pieces' - exactly right, Cat. I think after the initial shock and grief, this is our default setting x

[cat3 in reply to angelite]

Absolutely Angela.  I worked for a few years with offenders, and seeing the mayhem and misery their actions caused  themselves & their families was heart breaking.  xx

[RogerCMerriman]

With out wishing to be a internet doctor, this sounds like post traumatic stress disorder. See if your GP can refure you on?

As Cat and others said, life does happen and people make terrible errors of judgments, I can't imagine the hurt and rage if someone had caused my injury. 

[Candace8]

I do have ptsd and never thought of that. Yeah this does sound like an episode of that. Gosh thank you so much I was worried. That makes sense. This low mood and constant crying started when I started thinking what on earth have I been through ect. So I'm not wanting to end it, you have just said the reason and your right looking at how Iv been feeling. You clearly should be a doctor cause you've knocked the nail on the head. Can't say thank you enough, what a relief. I know how to handle my episodes of ptsd and I know how long they last xxx 😘

[peaches2]

Hope you're feeling better today!

[steve55]

candy8candy just think of a few of your favourite things and then you will feel ok

                                     steve

[Candace8]

I think now it's been suggested it could be ptsd it's been much easier for me. I see now there's hope and the mind set Iv been in won't last. Thank god cause as it's very scary. Thank you all for your kind thought and help you have freely offered. It has been so nice and when you in my type of mood it REALLY does help,,,, a lot. Luv to you all cause you all brill xxxxxxxxxxx

[Candace8]

That's a really lovely message. I have advised the family of the car crash victim about here. I thought with her just being round the corner as such I would keep in touch. I only recently found out she really is still bad as in the early days of tbi but she's nearly a year on. This really really hurts and upsets me. My crash was caused by me but hers was caused by someone else. The anger I feel for him is daft. She is still in that really horrid first stages bit. I remember it very clearly. Iv had this feeling since crash too of feeling linked to people in feelings, don't know how to discribe it. I don't want to be all nice and compassionate it doesn't feel good, it hurts lol. 

Yes I seen the last bit of weather forecast and it was all red and yellow 😄 was really happy. I'm getting away to my best friends in Leeds for the weekend so garden and chillaxing here I come. Have a fab one too xx

[Elenor3]

Have a good weekend away and I hope the weather is good for you, sounds like it's just what you need right now. Reading this thread has really helped, especially your last message mentioning the bad the first early stages of bi. I realise that although everything in my life is upside down and I haven't a clue where it's all going to go, I most have moved out of the bad early stage????? Thank you to everyone for the supportive and insightful replies - it's been really helpful to read it & all makes sense. Candy, you really are wonderful to be supporting another victim of bi and caring so much for others. Your post has raised so many positive thoughts. After what you've been through, don't forget how amazing you are to be here. Have a fantastic weekend away x

[Candace8 in reply to Elenor3]

Eleanor I really like you 🤗 I hope your not in the early stages or early on middle stage cause that's really horrid. You can always message me cause I am now in the final stage so can give quite a bit of help. Please use my brain cause I don't use it much 😆 looking forward to going away but it's over an hour drive down the motorway, feels like a day. After the kind of car crash I had you are slightly paranoid. I go at high speed down outside lane just so I don't have to swap lanes cause that the dangerous bit. 

Have a super brill weekend xxx

[Candace8]

Oh sorry re read and you have said were you are stage wise xx