Having a bit of a rough time ( EVEN WITHOUT ESA . see previous post)
See its that time of year having just celebrated my birthday. Well everyone else has I just feel weird celebrating the life of someone who no longer is here. I put the usual face on but just feel like hiding away.
I usually go away for my birthday but this year with other family commitments I went away earlier.
So there I am grin like a fool whilst good meaning friends wish happy birthday to the person I no longer am.
Then to make it worse next week is the week I celebrate inside for its 19 years since I have lived as this new person.
I no friends will try and not remind me of it being the anniversary of my rta , I wish they would. I know I was lucky to survive but I have. Yes I have changed but I am here this IS me.
Personally I wish I could change my birthday to the day I had my accident. I can relate to that person
So for now I am in limbo. People have noticed I am down but seem to right it of to " getting old". I am tired of explaining every year to them. Luckily people closest to me understand and I see them fending off people insisting cheer up its your birthday.
On the aniversary of my accident friends think I am weird that I want to celebrate it so it will be just my close family thanking god I am here.
Sorry for the long moan but it does help to get it of my chest...even if no one reads it.
On the up.