I'm off for a memory test this morning, I have no idea what I'm in for but I'm terrified! Every time I speak to a Dr. (not often enough) they tell me my mental state is the main problem I have but my therapist says it's my BI that causes my anxiety and low moods and mood swings. I'm so confused. It's as tho the Dr's are looking to avoid my BI being responsible for anything and I fear that's cos they know they screwed up my initial diagnosis (formal complaint lodged) and want to blame me and not their failure to scan me in A&E. They also worked from incorrect patient notes to 'treat' me and now my complaint is with the Root Cause Analysis Team.
From my/hubby's research the area of my brain affected by my ICH is linked to anxiety/depression but I've not had the chance to ask anyone about this and my appointments with a neurologist and neurosurgeon (Addenbrookes) are not until June and July, so again I'm in the dark not knowing what is the truth. I'm so angry that no-one wants to tell me what I'm to expect or anything about my BI, I'm just left guessing. I have a short history of 'mental illness' from decades ago, as a teenager, and it seems to be that it is coming back to haunt me as an excuse for Dr's to dump my problems on.
I was told by the only neurologist I've seen that I was to go home, learn to manage my 'mental health' problems and just wait to get better! I didn't have 'mental health' problems til I had my ICH and was mis-treated by the hospital but now I'm frightened of them, I believe justifyably so!
Also, I feel that I am being scored on a geriatric scale, I'm 47 but I am constantly compared to people of 87. Why am I not compared to who I was before or someone of my own age or others with an ICH? I was never admitted to a neurological ward only a geriatric ward, so of course I'm going to be more able than the other patients, I'm decades younger!
The treatment or lack of it is so upsetting, I just want help to understand my problems and someone to believe me when I tell them I was just fine before. In fact I was very active and mentally sharp, running large turn over businesses from 19 and working in Parliament writing and advising on up-coming legislation but now I'm unable to read an A4 page and keep context (re-reading this post is a real struggle).
I'm off to see a neurosurgeon but I don't understand why, when I didn't even see one on either of my hospital admissions, so what use is one now? They can't help me, they can't retro-operate, I needed one when I had my ICH not 9 months later!
Thanks all for letting me rant at you, it saves my hubby getting a hell of an ear-bashing.