Appointments/assessments never ending.

[julieljs]

After another emotional week, still havnt got my head around the sentencing last week, finding things very difficult. Appointments and assessments are never ending, Jack and Sophie have professionals going into school, which they are getting singled out, and not enjoying. They dont want to have time off school, they want to be just like there friends. Watching Sophie in the playground with children alot younger, because her other group dont play with her anymore, it is heartbreaking for me. What we would do to have our old life back ??

[cat3]

We all have a habit of moving the goal-posts as time moves on. So it's a good idea to occasionally look back to the beginning when we prayed for the slightest glimmer of hope & signs of survival. As we become accustomed to seeing improvements we begin developing expectations and even feel frustration when things are not progressing as well as we would like.

I'm almost two years on from my SAH and each one step forward is taken for granted whereas the two steps back are soul-destroying.........'til I think back to the night it happened and how those surgeons 'put me together' again........and saved me from the unthinkable.

Jack and Sophie have come so far since that awful day, although they should never have had to suffer such an ordeal, nor should you. But please, Julie, try not to keep tormenting yourself further. Your love will see them through and time is constantly healing.

Take care & Best wishes, Cat xx

[Danslatete]

Maybe it's easier to relate to younger children especially if they didn't ave a close relationship prior to the accident. It's sad when friends move on without you because you can't keep up. It terrible as a twenty something never mind a young kid.

Keep on smiling and yes it's a great idea to keep diaries for them, maybe get other people to write entries then its got more than one outlook. It's great to read two-three years on, sometimes the recovery is so gradual you don't appreciate how much you are getting better.

[julieljs]

Thanks for your replies, its destroying as a parent to see your children being singled out, your old friends don't play with you any more, i walk out the play ground in tears. Sophie struggling with her school work, not able to learn new things and Jack being put back a year, we should never be in this position, and do gooders try to tell me what i need and what's best for me, what do they know, they not there every day living with our sadness and struggle.

[Danslatete]

Be kind to yourself. It is a great injustice that happened. The children will make adjustments in their own way in their own time. I feel so frustrated that there is not someone you can go and share your fears and frustration with in a non judgmental way. Do you feel that the children are getting the support that they need in school? Services are being cut back and it's not always easy. What group do the dogooders come from? Family friends support services? It may be that from an outside perspective they can see your pain and sadness and want to support you.

[cat3]

I find myself thinking of you often and feeling so sad. If my kids had suffered such injuries and after-effects..........well, I can't even bear to think about it. But you don't have a choice do you Julie ? It's true what you say, we all have opinions and suggestions about how you might deal with it, but we're not in your situation day after day.

The problem is, I think, that people seeing your pain naturally want to reach out and help but no one can turn back time, which is the only thing, in your case, which would make it better.

Most of us have lost our former 'selves' (or are caring for someone who has) and have had many readjustments and sacrifices to make, but when it happens to children it seems all the more unfair.

This has been a shocking, life changing event with painful twists & turns and a long road still ahead. But occasionally it's a good idea to look back at the incredible road you've already travelled and the achievements along the way.

We're always here if you need/want to talk. Love Cat xx

[julieljs]

Thanks once again for all your replies. We have lots of people involved with our case, obviously the legal team, case managers, and lots of professionals doing assessments and report after report. I do feel i was pushed into having support workers for Jack, and found this very hard to accept, with been a nurse, felt i was the best person to look after my children. We are now looking into getting some assistance in school for Sophie, which i think is paramount, and with Durham County refusing statements, the school dosnt get that extra funding. I expressed my views last week, and told them just to leave us alone now for a couple of weeks, give me time to recharge, and try and get to grips with what has happened, with court etc etc. I dont want to feel ungrateful and do know everybody is working for whats best for Jack AnD Sophie,s future, but this could go on for years and already finding it difficult. Think everybody will get sick of my posts, but feel its the only way i can express how i feel, thanks everyone xxx

[SASSYIAM]

I am furious to hear your distressing news.Most adults shrug their shoulders say " KIDS WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH THEM?? but I have been on your side and this empty kinda sentiment does not help you or your children does it.One of my nieces went through this kinda crap.Her eldest was born she felt with very poor medical assistance.someone told her what i just told you but that's not what she needed nor asked for.She is now buoyed by " what does not kill you makes you stronger " as she says .I just wish more people have the special gift of empathy?! dont you ?? I am afraid i have not been too helpful here other than I feel what you are having to go through as i am sure others here are.i feel great comfort in this site and i hope you can too.please keep us informed as to developments,and never worry about going on that is what this is for.it is like a giant ear and if at first you find no one to help rest assured the right people are listening just unable to communicate right there and then.no one is a pain here apart from the pain most of us endure day in day out.stay strong.atvb sassy

[julieljs]

Thanks for your reply. I feel everything is a fight, to get what these 2 children need to give them the best outcome. We now have to use the legal team to fight to get them both statements, which they both need, and it all takes times, and feel like they are wasting valuable time. These2 special children have the rest of their lifes to plan for, and we need to start now, none of this was our fault. Sorry another angry emotional day, I will keep putting updates on HEadway.

[julieljs]

You can only stay strong for so long before your totally drained, but as always will do my best, for Jack and Sophie