The fear

Latest blog from: hopegoesupanddown.blogs... - a record of the hope, terror and unknown future faced when the one you love most in the world suffers a brain injury.

You know that moment when you've been trying to prise the lid of something and suddenly it pops off and the contents go everywhere? Well, that's what happened on Wednesday morning.

After literally weeks of banging on that things were 'not quite right' and sending countless increasingly 'direct' emails, we got a call from Jake's consultant at 9am to say "I've reviewed the latest CT scan with a Consultant Neuro Surgeon, this needs to be dealt with today, there is an ambulance on the way". Gulp.

First thought; good. Second thought; oh God, here we go again. Third thought; how the hell am I going to explain this to Jake through the fog of aphasia and hydrocephalus? Fourth thought; I should should get out of this towel before the ambulance arrives!

Thankfully the ever calm and generally amazing Keeley (Jake's primary carer) was there and took us both in hand with her usual air of quiet competence and we arrived at the emergency admissions ward at Poole Hospital at 10:00am. Jake was now 'nil by mouth' and the registrar assured us that we would soon be transferred to Southampton Hospital for emergency Neuro surgery and we were looking this all happening "in hours rather than days". All very scary...all very exciting. Getting the shunt fixed meant getting Jake back on track.

Another CT scan was quickly done and sent over to Southampton and then we waited...until 6pm when the ambulance finally arrived. On arrival we were admitted to the Neuro transitional unit and waited for Jake to be admitted and assessed.

At this point it is important to stress that I think the NHS is utterly amazing. The support, care, expertise, investment and understanding we have received over the last 19 months has been truly amazing.

Southampton, however, did not fill me with confidence. It took 90 minutes for someone to come and check on Jake who, as sister in law said, is an emergency admission and could have been dead for all they knew.

A 9pm we were finally seen by the registrar who was a very pleasant chap who seemed to know his stuff, which was all very comforting for the first ten minutes, up to the point when he said "has he had a brain injury before?", quickly followed by "what's his name?". He knew NOTHING about Jake's severe brain injury and clearly thought he was dealing with a straight forward case of organic hydrocephalus. Having put him right and filled him in on the last 19 months SIL and I did our best not to communicate our belief that he was as capable as a mummified slug and off he went to read the notes...yes, that's right, he hadn't read the notes.

Back he trotted with the news that Jake was now "first on tomorrow's emergency list" and Jake was finally allowed to eat and drink something at 9:45pm after 13 hours nil by mouth.

Meeting for breakfast in the hotel the next morning SIL and I were feeling positive that Jake would soon be in theatre and all would be well. I called the ward at 8:30am to see if he'd gone down yet (having learnt the hard way, SIL and I do our best to ignore the whole 'sitting outside of a theatre watching the minutes crawl by' scenario and had planned to get there after he had been moved to recovery). You can imagine my confusion when I was told that 'he's not on the emergency list anymore, they'll get to him today if they have time".

Hang on, how can he be rushed in as an emergency case with the consultant Neuro surgeon insisting it needed to be dealt with immediately and then suddenly no longer be that urgent despite worsening symptoms? This sounded VERY wrong to me, so out came the warrior wife armour and SIL and I planned our strategy for 'helping them to reconsider'. Cutting a long, distressing and often fraught story short, we got the consultants to communicate and we were back on track for surgery on Thursday.

Of course, during this time a very confused and frightened Jake was lying in a strange ward, not allowed to eat or drink for two days and not really understanding why he was here. He was amazing and coped unbelievably well, of course.

Finally, at 6pm yesterday, I held my Jake's hand as the anaesthetist sent him off to sleep and he was wheeled off into theatre. SIL and I then had the joy of what is absolutely the worst bit, the waiting. Much coffee and tea is consumed and much banal small talk is half heartedly made.

At 7:45pm he was taken to recovery and at 8:45pm we got to go and see him. He was very groggy and uncomfortable but seemed to know us, so we reluctantly headed back to the hotel to eat...and drink.

Emboldened by too much wine I broke my own rule and called the ward at 10pm, 'just to check'. What I hadn't expected to hear was "he's fine, sitting up in bed having a cup of coffee, would you like to speak to him?". Err...hell yes!

Gladiator Jake had done it again "is that my wife?...hello wife" said he, "bloody hell" said I!

So this morning we start again with hope going up and hopefully I'll be able to get he chorus of Lilly Allen's 'The Fear' out of my brain and replace it with something a little more appropriate, any suggestions?

7 Replies

  • that sounds very traumatic, but in the end it all sounded like it worked out fine

    how about eye of the tiger


    Yazz - The Only Way Is Up

  • Life is a rollercoaster.....Roland Keating ?

    Things are gonna get better....David Archuleta ? (Think this should be dedicated to you--------lovely, uplifting song.

    You've been through the mill again.....and it looks like out the other side......what a fabulous finale` to a truly harrowing experience.

    Time for licking of wounds and drinking of wine m'dears.

    Love to you both Charlie & Jake. xx :-)

  • it sounds about time you had a bit of good news so hopefully things will really start improving now, please keep us posted on Jake's progress (and make sure you get the wine as suggested by cat3!) x

  • Ha - believe me, I awoke with a hangover this morning after rather too much Marlborough Sauv Blanc!

  • I was holding my breath reading that...can't imagine what you went through...Yay! for Gladiator Jake...

  • Charlie, have you seen the Rocky film where he runs up those steps and punches the air with achievement.....( I can play the tune in my head, but I can't remember what it's called :(

    I reckon Biker will know)

  • Bill Conti, Gonna Fly Now, yeah spot on, especially the punching the air. Well done Charlie and Jake for surviving another chapter. Lets hope you're on the happy ever after bit now and no more 'interesting' chapters for you two to deal with x'

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