So tired

Hi , this is my situation , I have two boys one is autistic and brain injured , he lives alone without carers as he is abusive and extremely demanding I am exhausted with him it feels so selfish but he's rings all the time , talks about death and funerals a lot , is very egotistical ..my patience is at an all time low ..his carers are thin on the ground and he can't cope with the changes and moans at me all the time ...social services cut his hours don't want to know ..my eldest lives at home and doesn't work he is depressed and I try and get him to heels me round the house he won't , he is on ESA and pays no bills ..my mother is getting dementia and can't remember anything she won't get help I've tried family and putting my foot down but they all bully me . I have a wonderful partner , and want to get married mbut he lives out of county I live with him a lot of the time butt come home to do caring roles . I have m.e and anxiety and depression and my family just don't consider this , my gut instinct is to sell up and move away but it also feels so wrong ...I am home this weekend as my partner works in London it's all so complicated and I feel desperate and exasperated by it all , sorry this is so long any support or suggestions would be grateful , no one of them want to seek help just rely on me and use me ...I've really had enough to be honest I need to take control before I lose it completely

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  • my first reaction......id move. you deserve happiness and for your health, physical and mental to be considered by your family. Your health conditions are just as important as theirs. You will make yourself worse with this amount of constant stress

    Could you write an open letter to the key members of your family, giving a 6 month time frame say for things to drastically change or you are going to move to be with your partner and to take care of your own health needs and happiness. Don't let them bully you into feeling guilty. Say you need it for your health reasons as you can no longer cope without their support. Say how you feel, how you feel taken advantaged of. How you feel bullied into things. Be really honest with them how all this effects you. Maybe they don't realise how worn out you are by all of these demands on your time and battling m.e and how that condition effects you and how exhausting it can be. your partners job could be the reason for the need to move rather than you being worn out if that would be easier for your family to comprehend.

    Whilst you are there to care for your families needs social care will take full advantage of you and the free care you provide. Someone will step up if you leave.....they will have to. Maybe your esa son will become more motivated if you threaten....or more likely, do move, it might do him some good not having a servant around doing everything for him.

    I should say I don't have children so I don't really understand the maternal pull you will have to your children but you aren't abandoning them completely, you will visit, still love them.

    Hopefully someone will respond who has been in the same situation with helpful ideas but this is what I would do.

    I live 4 hours away from my family and this works well for me with my battle with m.e. It's far enough away that it a big deal to drive that far to visit to often. They come and visit, stay a week, wear me out and then I have time to recover. They visit a couple of times a year but we keep in touch with a weekly phone call.

    wishing you all the best

    Jo

  • Wow, You are in a very difficult situation. I suffered from Stress Induced. Siezures, Chemical. Imbalance, & Spinal Arthritis, until being diagnosed, prescribed medication & referred to a Chiropractor. I suggest you take care of you & use whatever resources available to you to take care of your cause of depression & stress Edward, Indiana

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