I was reading an article that mentioned "Theory of mind" and on my research wondered what "the double empathy challenge" meant and found this great article:
The value of Milton’s theory is that it challenges the notion that Autistic people lack ‘theory of mind’. It reframes the disjunct between Autistic and non-autistic communities. We don’t need to think of superior and inferior ways of being. Instead we can see our co-existence as reliant on reciprocity and mutuality.
Autistic empathy is no less compassionate, no less thoughtful, no less ‘human’ than non-autistic empathy: it is simply different."
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Lady4
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Both of my daughters are autistic and I work 1:1 with neurodivergent young people (5-19 yrs old) in a wildlife and nature-based environment. We work WITH our students and allow them to express themselves in their own way, whilst helping them to understand others, too.
One of my daughters expresses empathy outwardly in both words, actions and affection, but the other can’t do that so easily and it can often seem like she doesn’t care, but she does - the empathy will come out later once she has recognised and processed the emotions around a situation
At work, we can help our students to develop and show empathy with conversations about nature. By modelling behaviour and labelling emotions, the young person can learn to react with empathy from gentle and nurturing experiences. We use I Wonder, I Imagine, I Notice, which are kind and non-threatening sentence starters.
For example,
Young person dysregulated by the noise of our two Kune Kune pigs:
Me: “I notice that the noisy pigs are making you feel uncomfortable. I imagine they’re hungry. I get grumpy when I’m hungry, too. I wonder if they’ll be happy when they’ve had some food?”
Later that day:
Me: “Look at the pigs now - they’re relaxing because their tummies are full”.
A few sessions later:
Student: “The pigs sound hungry. Can we feed them? ” We feed the pigs and laugh at their terrible manners and the student tells me how cute they look when they’re lying down and wants to check on them regularly to see if they are ok.
It’s not always that easy though. We work on empathy within relationships with peers too - often neurodivergent young people are desperate for friends but find it difficult to make those connections due to many things (anxiety, rigid thinking, inability to share or lose a game etc). I find that this is where they struggle to show empathy most, as they definitely feel more vulnerable around bigger groups or peers, and are more likely to shut down or walk away.
Sorry - that was a long reply - I could go on and on about this sort of thing….!
Sounds like you are doing a wonderful job and very passionate about your role.
Declarative language comes to mind, giving the person a chance to engage (or not) by making simple statements*, without demanding it. I am starting to learn about this and it makes sense.
* eg. Instead of "go and stand in line"
Say, "it looks like the children are lining up to go back into the classroom", the child then observes the children queuing up, may ask the teacher "is it time to go back into class (if unsure)". Result, either remembers thats what they should be doing, like every other day or the answer by the teacher "yes" reassures them they should be joining the queue - simple, yet more powerful and less likely to get a negative reply/action.
Yes, exactly. Most of the young people we work with have a Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) profile, so receiving orders/demands induces anxiety and PDA traits, ie refusing to do anything, or doing anything but what they’ve been asked to do.
Thats exactly where I think my son sits on the spectrum (often missed by professionals and also clearly by myself) as I can relate to the reactions and hence educating myself. I also purchased the "Baffling Behaviours" book, a holiday read (although will need to remember to take some small post it notes it and a pencil to mark sections to refer back to).
I remember trying to read “My Daughter Is Not Naughty” when my own daughter was six. It was so true to life and distressing to read at the time that I couldn’t finish the book! I think the information I needed to know was probably further on in the book but it was so triggering and raw at the time. Maybe I can revisit it now as she is 16 and absolutely not naughty!
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