Working far out and leaving my wife at home with FND

[LEEJUNFAN]

Hi everyone!

I need some advice from you folk.

I've been offered an 18 hour contract with my local Fire Service on support services.

I've enjoyed working with the service before and it's taken hard work to get back in again.

I won't be better off financially, but it's a gamble I've taken.

My present 16 hour job means I can take Kim out during the day and that means a lot for us both.

This position with the service is far out in Bury and the guilt factor is affecting me.

It feels like I'm putting the job before my wife, and although she is for it, I know that she's going to feel vulnerable.

In my present job, which is more local, at least I can phone her and come home quick by taxi if anything happens.

I can't do that in Bury.

What should I do?

All my references have gone through and my heads in a turmoil.

The service knows I'm a Carer and it's good of them to still consider me for this position with them.

Any advice?

Thanks everyone.

Tony and Kim xx

[malalatete]

Give it a go. It is more likely to work out than not. You are already working so it is only the distance thing. You can still be there if needed, just not right away. A happy, fulfilled carer is a more effective carer. Kim knows this which is why she is encouraging you.

[Hidden]

Hi, what a dilema. Here are a few questions you may have already asked yourself?

Do you have anyone who can give your wife support while you are away, if she needs it? If not, would a career be helpful?

What happens if the job doesn’t work out? Do you lose all work opportunity?

What is the worsed thing that can happen?

What is the best think that can happen?

It’s up to you in the end but an informed decision is the one that carries the least guilt or blame and gives the most courage.

Good luck, I hope the job goes well. Xx

[Mat08]

I am so touched by your desire to care you a truly a spiritual leader my friend I have read over your msg a few times and Kim I can also sense you are a strong woman everyone that I considered close to me my wife, friends etc drifted away it was like Mr popular one day the houses the job the business gone but Tony Kim even though I have lost the inside of my mouth and walk In the most bizzare way wheel chairs etc i still smile, you see spending time on my own has made me stronger but for you Kim you will be even stronger than me with the love of Tony behind you I have started dance lessons it helps s much I have a personal trainer for cardio etc picture this Kim you spend a couple of evenings alone and at night Kim I know it's harder I relay do but you will achieve so much but for me in small doses and when tony gets home he will be so happy to hear what you have accomplished be it a small task or a large task it will have been done by you so today Tony Kim my thoughts are with you, and Tony we all spend most of our life times working with people that are just that work mates colleagues etc but it's only the truly blessed man that when he gets home knows he comes home to real love compassion and the most important thing of all trust,the both of you together have ruled many worlds together in many past lifes that I can feel so together both minds as one you will work this out I am sorry about not having a clear answer for you my deepest respect mat

[tabey]

Dear Tony and Kim

I dont think you should feel guilty at all to be honest, its very clear you think the world of kim but im sure kim would want you too be happy.

We are in a similar situation my wife works two days a week and her work is over an hour's drive from home but even though I depend on my wife I'm so happy that she can go and enjoy herself at work I know she's at the end of the phone if I need her the days that she does work we do like military planning to make sure that everything is made easy for me so I don't have to overthink or stress this really does help there have been times when I thought my wife would have to give up but that kills me inside thinking that this horrible condition has taken away both jobs.

id say give it go nothing is set in stone if it does not work out your always know that you given it 100% and you wont have any regrets.

we all all ways here for you both if ever you need a chat.

best of luck

best whishes to you both

Tabe

[DNE92 Moderator FND Hope UK]

Hi. It's a dilemma. My husband works as a Professor at a Uni over an hour's drive away and I take several non-epileptic seizures per day. Whilst he can stay with me over the summer when uni begins again and lectures, tutorials, contracts and marking need done he can be at the uni quite alot. What we've done is to get Social Work to install 2 different types of alarms that I wear. One is for when I have enough time to press the button on my braclet and the other is a falls monitor for when I don't have the time. When the alarms go off they go through to a centre and they call you back. If you don't answer they dispatch an ambulance. The centre already has my medical details so the paramedics know what they will be dealing with. Plus I have a tamper-proof outside key lock so the paramedics can get in - only the centre has the code and they pass that onto the paramedics. And I pay the pricely sum of £ 6.64 per month. You may want to check that out. Plus with you a bit further away your wife may come to be less worried and find more independence she doesn't think she has.

Cheers

Lou

[Cmb3210]

Its a hard question.....I'm also a care giver to my very lovely beautiful wife....i was lucky enough to have my daughter help me out when my wife's fnd went full blown n she ended up in a wheelchair for4months....she Needed 24/7 care.....somehow god was watching bc for the 20years before fnd nobody was home able to watch my wife but now all of a sudden the year my wife gets fnd my daughter missed the deadline for college n ended up staying home for a semester so i had her watch her while i was at work...then I'd take over the rest of the time..god bless my daughter for helping them8hours a day..anyway only u guys can make that decision n I'm sure everything will work out eventually...i can tell u this ..to help overcome fnd u must live your life as close to normal as it used to be and her having a little more independence might help...u seem like a very good husband n very responsive to the needs of your wife...it's good to have such loved ones when fnd takes over....it's great u guys have each other...know that me n my wife are experiencing the same things as u guys...just wanted to say that so u know your not alone...we probably have similar lives...all i do is eat sleep n breath fnd anymore trying to find answers for my little wifey....I've studied for almost2years now everyday on what to do for her..she means everything to me...i have 2cell phones with over300 web pages open that i will never close..they are all websites that i believe are important to her healing so i revisit them frequently...i like what mel55 wrote..I'd take the things mel said into consideration...also what louyse said....how many times does she call u now for while your at work anyway...

With love to both of you guys

Chris

[cgarff]

Hey Tony, it's Cheryl.. put your trust in Kim. She needs to know that she can do this on her own physically and psychologically. Have a back up plan like friends and neighbors that can check up on her, but try not to stress too much. I had the same situation kind of recently, but turned around on my end. My husband has been travelling alot back and forth from Utah to Texas because of wotk, in 2 week stints. It has been hard on me and him, but he,g a phone call or text away, and having Family or friends close by to help got us through the last 2 months.

Try not to stress too much my friend. Wishing you both the best.

Cheryl

[pickleweed]

In the book Functional Neurologic Disorders, one of the chapters says that a codependent spouse/caregiver can make a patient's FND worse. Therefore, chances are that your spouse's FND will be less if you take the 18-hour-away job.