I work part time and look after my wife Kim, who has FND, but the last month, I've been off work due to a Fire at my workplace.
It's given me pause for thought as I've noticed a sense of inner contentment in my wife as I don't have to leave her alone in the evening and we've had quality time together.
I could have come off work several years ago but the thought of being on Carers Allowance and being less in money has always scared us but being off work is making me think.
Is work everything or is quality time with my wife that I can't get back?
Any help from anyone out there who has had to give up work and look after one's partner?
Have your partners FND improved?
Please don't think I put money before my wife's health because I don't, but just having nice simple walks together and her knowing I'm here of a night does give me an inner peace that my work won't.
I know money is important, but is it everything and even my close friends have advised me to finish for two years to see how Kim's symptoms go.
All these benefit cutbacks scares me a lot.
Thank you all and GOD'S blessings be with you always.
Tony & Kim xx😊😊
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LEEJUNFAN
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13 Replies
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I don't have an answer. I just dumped useless boyfriend I hadn't seen for over 2 years for 'sleeping in' in Australia and not coming to collect me from hotel so therefore missing out on whole 4 hours I had to see friends before I left.
I think you do an amazing job already and I hope you get some advice and peace with this post xxx
That's sad because I was also thinking about if you went part time.
It's the same for people trying to go back to work, they lose out most of the time.
And sorry for my rant. This was the person who could have been my carer. I think a dodged a bullet there.
Could you do some work from home? Even if it is different to what you do now. Explain your situation and get more admin based work. Sorry I don't know what you do.
I did voluntary work. Obviously no good to your income but some jobs are able to be home based and have the opportunity of progressing to paid work.
Also home based might suit you both in terms of income, you being together and Kim knowing you are there but she can have a lie down and you can sit on a computer.
It's sad that governments don't want to help people stay in work and be carers.
What about actual government departments like city councils I know a lot of them work from home but I guess you would have to begin in an office then move more to home based.
Good luck xxx
My friends Tony and Kim.
Sorry to be so late. But I come bearing love and wishes.
Tony. You are such a fine person. I know you will make right decision based on the needs of you both. Do not let fear of future drive the thought process. Relying on fear instincts will drive you mad. Do rely on your survival instincts. Those will open up your eyes to all the world of possibilities that allow you to get what you need.
Money comes and goes over the lifetime. There are times when doing with less enriches you far more than when you have an estate with all those fancy cars.
Make enough to get by. Then enjoy every moment with the soulmate that you have in Miss Kim. It will work out.
we can tell from your sharing your story here that you care for your wife and want only whats best for you both. Kim is blessed to have you by her side. FND is not easy and having your support will make it all the easier for her.
Being home that month must have been nice for you both. Not an easy time I am sure. and your decision must be based on what is best for you. none of us can tell you how to go. I always feel that God has a plan and we may not always understand why, but things happen for a reason. Sometimes you may never find out the reason. We are plopped on this health rollercoaster and have to accept the ride as it is. One with many twists and turns and man I do hate those drops. But having you there to help your wife is an extra plus in making those turns easier and calmer. Accept that life will never be dull. Find laughter when you can.
Like Dan said, do not make that decision based in fear. trust your instincts and your answers will be there. Money is not everything. But of course we do have to have money and insurance to survive. My husband is my rock and remains so even now that he is back to full time. It is harder for me, but I'm managing. But then again, I am still working myself. I am a push the limits gal.
sending positive thoughts and prayers and know that we are here but a key board away.
I think as Patti says only really you yourself can make that decision. But like others I would just say, as long as you have enough money to get by then that is all that matters. Often the richest part of life has nothing whatsoever to do with money. If you think you and she would both benefit from more time to enjoy each others company, and you think you can manage financially then go for it. Life is too short as it is to spend it without time to stop and smell the roses so to speak.
On the other hand bear in mind that your work may give you something else to think about, something that gives you a bit of me time. Don't feel guilty about that. I myself have my husband as my carer and I would love to have him around more often. Plus I see how much he takes on and it breaks my heart to see him struggling with everything. But then I know that he enjoys his work, even though he struggles to cope physically and I feel it would be selfish of me to expect him to give up one of the few things that gives him a sense of purpose and makes him feel like he has a normal life.
It's a really tough decision to make but ultimately you have got to go with whatever you think will work best for you both. And I mean both of you, don't forget yourself in the equation. After all you are going to be able to help Kim best if you yourself are as fit and as happy as you can be. But only you can decide how best you will achieve that.
Sorry, I know that sounds like a bit of a cop out but I truly believe there is merit in both decisions and only you can know what works best for you.
Good luck with it. Love and hugs, Margaret. xxx 💜🤗💜🤗💜
I agree with Margaret that you have to look after yourself too. That goes out to all the carers out there too xxx
Hi tony, like you my partner says he noticed I'm better in myself when he is home but like you we have to pay bills, mortgage etc. But this year he has gone more part time then full time. We have cut back a lot but as unable to go out there isn't a lot to cut back on. My partner says as long as we have enough money to get by on he will try to be home more. He is also self employed so no holiday pay etc. Money won't buy our health but it does give us peace of mind if we have enough to get by on. He to looked at careers allowance but what they gave wasn't enough without him working then he was only allowed to work so many hours then they would cut the allowance. It's such a hard decision. Hope we all win lottery and decision no longer applies. Good 😊 luck. Best wishes Lisa-anne 🤞🤗🤗
Hi my name is carol for the longest time the drs. Thought I had ms but they dx me w FND I'm new to this I only had FND for about a year my husband been though a lot w taking care of me taking me to my appointments and to the store. he had to quit his job to take care of me I'm in pain everyday and I get crushing attacks like my body is in a car crusher I even have PTSD memory loss fibromyalgia last dec. I had to have a bladder machine put in me. If someone can explain to me about FND or CD
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