Little support from husband?

[natalieann]

Hi everyone, I am new to this forum so hello to you all I wanted to know if any of you had trouble with your other halves or friends understanding fibro? My husband tells me he doesn't know if it's a real condition and can't understand why I get so upset when I feel so unsupported. I feel as if he thinks I am making up the pain and broken sleep I suffer and I'm not sure what to do. We've been married 6 months but together 6 years so would hope he would understand! Any advice would be appreciated x

[alternativemed]

Hi natalieann. I belong to a fibro support group and the most common question everyone has is why does no one understand my illness, but especially husband/partners.? The problem is we all look well and one minute are quite able to do normal everyday tasks and the next are too ill to do anything and I guess from another person's point of view that seems unbelievable! The hardest thing of all is when your husband doesn't understand as he is the person you first go to for support. My husband doesn't understand either! I've found the best thing to do is to gather information about the illness and try and get your husband to read it. Tell him that it is quite normal with fibro to be fine one minute and really ill the next and when you are feeling poorly you need him to be understanding and let you rest and take care of you. Fibro gets worse with stress and if he doesn't help you then you will feel more stressed and more ill. Anyone with fibro will understand how you're feeling but it is hard to explain to other people. You have to tell them in a way they can relate to, for example, it's like having a bad dose of flu, with a migraine after climbing a mountain! Good Luck!

[hamble99b]

if some drs don't understand, it's hard for friends and family. go to

butyoudontlooksick.com/cate...

it goes some way to explaining the fatigue.

regards, sandra

[Hidden]

Used too.but met my fella who also has fybro /m.e too.x welcome.

[Hidden]

Hello and welcome to our lovely forum Natalieann. I think we tend to forget that when we are diagnosed with Fibromyalgia it is as big a shock to our loved ones as it is for us. They too have to make huge changes, they have to learn to accept that their loved one/partner is ill and that there could be dramatic changes to their lives as a result of this. During my first year after diagnosis the stress levels in my house were horrendous - I couldn't accept how ill I was and neither could my hubby or my three children. Once they saw me learn to accept how I was, they slowly accepted it too,

I printed out The Spoon Theory for them to read, they all said it helped them to understand how I was feeling. Once we had all accepted my illness, the family started to pull together again, they offered me their help and gave me their support.

I personally think it's a time thing with your husband Natalieann, it's a big shock for both of you and you both need time to get your heads around it. I have posted a link for The Spoon Theory, get your hubby to read it and see if this helps. I hope it does. Take care and remember you aren't alone here, we are always here to support you and each other.

fibroaction.healthunlocked....

[nanatre]

I met my husband when I was 40, full of fun and lived life to the full. Things went wrong in my life, things I had no control over, I got ill and the rest is history. Now, he knows I have it, and is brilliant most of the time, but he tends to lose his temper with me if I forget something ,which in turn always puts me on tenderhooks to remember everything he has said so I dont upset him. I also suffer with massive boils in my nether region that need cleaning, packing, and looking after and he does all that without raising an eyebrow. He will tell me to lay in bed and dont do anything but if I am whacked from Fibro he does not get it.

Funny creatures!

[Hilly]

I have just had an horrendous couple of days with my hubby as on one hand he can be the most caring man telling me to take it easy, he will work away from home 5 days a wk ( he's a stobbart driver) then come home and clean the house if I've been to ill to do it (he tells me to leave it and he will do it he says he don't mind) and will tell me to go and lie down if he can see that im struggling, but then if we have an argument he gets really nasty and throws it all back in my face and will say something like ' I work away from home all week doing 70 hrs and i then come home and have to do all the house work becouse you have been in bed doing nothing' . I have tried to tell him how much this hurts me and stresses me out and he is all sorry and says he doesn't mean it that is until the nxt time, which at the moment seems to be more often, so Monday and Tuesday his days off I have spent in tears and not talking to him!!! I've told him tonight on te phone if he keeps doing it, we will be heading for a DIVORCE. Gentle hugs. Hilly xx

[Hilly]

Im sorry I couldn't offer any advice, just wanted to let you know your not alone with this problem, more gentle hugs. Hilly xx

[hamble99b]

natalieann and hilly, sending you both soft hugs. sandra

[Hilly]

Thank you Sandra, soft hugs back at you, Hilly xx

[Hidden]

Hi i am very lucky all my family do beleve me etc BUT i think they dont understand ho i feel sometimes and i really do understand it as i think unless youhave foibro you really vcannot believe what it is like as we alllook so normal and how we used to look sothey expect you to do the things you used to to do and again alot of the time we all do i do especially but they dont see the pain you are in for example i am in agomny sitting here typing all my hands fingers etc are in a terrible state but you cant see it i do try to sympathise with people as it is an invisible illnessi am still waiting for someone to challenge me when i park in the blue badge areas as i get some really strange looks from people as i park and then get out of the car and walk over to the shops but they dongt notice my wobble and stumble they dont see the pain i am in just doing that !!!

so try not to be too hard on your loved ones as it must be very difficult for them to understand i think the best way for them to realise is to come on this fiorum for a couple of days and reas a few of the logs that way they do sort of get it

anyway you know your your not alone with this silly old thing love diddle xxxx

[Ginsing]

Hi and Hello and welcome

The only advice for him is to read spoons it may help yourself as well when you are trying to explain to others how Fibro alters your life. Is there a group that meets near you - your fella might benefit from meeting others like us! It is difficult for them to comprehend but with loving care they will Takes time. x gins

[rosehip]

hi , my hubby is so caring and understanding , my gp had him go and see her when i was first diagnosed and explained it to him xxx

[natalieann]

Thank you so much to all of you, I feel much better now. I'm so glad I'm not on my own, obviously in an ideal world we'd all be well and wouldn't need this forum but as it is I'm very grateful! Thank you for making me so welcome. Also, thank you so much for the spoon theory, it's amazing, and just what I needed. Soft hugs to you all xx

[natalieann]

and Hilly, thank you. I'm sorry you have the same situation but thank you for sharing with me , gentle hugs x

[emadavies]

my husband used to be amazing, doing practaclly everything to support me in every way possible! then he was attacked an now has brain damage, so we both suffer in similar ways, he gets cronic headaches, dizzy spells an bad memory, so were a right pair