Husband doesn’t understand I’m done

[Chrisieuk]

my husband doesn’t understand anything about Fibromyalgia. Been married 13 years now I’ve tried everything to educate but I’m lazy it’s this thing or that thing. Why don’t want to be intimate any more!! It just goes on! Well I’m done just can’t figure out how to leave and live alone.

[Loobielu]

Hiya, I absolutely hear you! Life is hard enough for us without the burden of trying to make others happy. Trying to feel 'sexy' with fibromyalgia is almost impossible but men particularly struggle without intimacy and it can make them grumpy and not so understanding. Ironically, they say women need to feel loved to be intimate and men need intimacy to feel loved! It's a recipe for a disaster! Unfortunately I don't know much about your options or what support you get living in the US but I know you only get one chance at life and spending it miserably isn't good. I hope you can find a way to leave. Best of luck, sending gentle fibro warrior hugs xx

[Braveheart1]

this is so much a challenging situation to navigate; there are times I go through the same my partner I can really be supportive and then have phases of being really unpleasant and quite attacking (with words) the cruel comments lazy useless etc and it hurts and then suddenly he’s back taking the heavy load - I appreciate it must be hard on him too, this illness is a constant unpredictable battle … and we all live it as a family …. Times I want to leave times I feel I couldn’t manage without him it’s scary but I know I don’t deserve the treatment I receive, I beat myself up enough I don’t need someone else doing it too!

We are strong we fight every day just to get to the end of the day …. You know in your heart what is best for you xxx

[Albionrfx]

Hi Chrisieuk,

It’s a real dilemma to know whether to leave or to stay. I have been struggling with that thought for over 40 years as there was a lot of things and outcomes to consider. In the beginning my children were young so I had no choice but stay. I wasn’t financially independent so that’s was another reason for putting up with his verbal and physical abuse, domineering behaviour, lack of understanding of a wife, flirting and even one episode unfaithfulness. Because of my upbringing I was against divorce and once I forgave him, I lost that opportunity to leave him.

But as I got older and more confident, my health went really downhill. I have lived in his shadow for so long, and however desperate I got, I never had that final courage to leave my husband.

He is an authoritarian and somewhat narcissistic. But now I’m too tired to go anywhere. After my cancer diagnosis in 2016 and my constant flare ups of fibromyalgia and FND, I now seek outside help like with « Time to talk, Pain Clinic, psychotherapy, CBT, mindfulness.

Looking back I should have left him like 30 years ago but now honestly I’m too tired and too ill to start all over etc.

So I feel for you, it’s not an easy decision to take, lots of outcomes to consider. After deep thoughtful thinking and consideration, you’ll have to do what is best for you in the long run.

Take care, I hope my sharing of my personal experience will help you in making the best decision for you.

Warm regards,

Albionrfx

[Dizzytwo Moderator in reply to Albionrfx]

Your very brave ❤️

[Albionrfx in reply to Dizzytwo]

Thank you for your reply Dizzytwo. I don’t know or not sure if I’m brave at all. Some may think of me as stupid and weak…😭😂

[Dizzytwo Moderator in reply to Albionrfx]

You are not weak. Been there done that got the tee shirt. Its like fibro no one knows what its like till they have to deal with it. Thankfully my second marriage is good if somewhat exasperating at times lol But he must be doing something right we've been together 34 yrs. Xx

[Phgc]

what a shame im in a similar position with my divorced brother who leaves with me and doesn’t understand my fibromyalgia and he has turned to drinks. Never wants to do shared house work and leaves everything to me.

We love each other deeply and usually have lots of fun when away on holidays or when around people but when at home he lets go and sleeps and moans.

[Health8472]

Hi Chrisie, i recently left my 10yr relationship. My Girlfriend did not understand/accept my chronic pains. How I carried on working and doing all the chores!? I think it was the love I had for her. "had". If you cant educate your other half then you need to strongly lay down some rules. Along the line maybe an intervention of some kind! ? Have someone close/good to also support you with this. Take care, Health.

[Nipper11]

Bless you. You're a very brave lady to consider these changes ahead when you're feeling unwell . Before you jump ship, think about how fibromyalgia affects your mental health and well-being. 🤔 it's hard to advise the right decisions for you to take right now as your emotions are strong in feelings misunderstood by the person who loves you. I would first start by writing a list of things you feel unhappy about in your husband , not understanding your wellbeing.

Consider, are you willing to share with him the way he is making you feel, or could you leave him and your home ? There's so many things you need to ask yourself before you make your plans moving forward.

To write down your concerns which help you to improve your future plans. Years ago, I went through something very much like your situation, and one of my regrets was that I didn't have any firm plans and made mistakes and excuses, which made my leaving more uncomfortable. I ran rather than walked.

Because you are already dealing with fibromyalgia syndromes. I suggest you research your self-help support in your local community and look at what could help you in feeling better in living with a long term illnesse.

Look at your energy levels and how you are dealing with them . Look into chair exercises to keep your muscles strong. Stretching exercises will also support you in all mobility issues. Use a tens machine to support muscle pain. Look at your diet and look at changing your lifestyle to improve your well-being. Distress yourself and if possible, and your environment.

These small changes will give you the courage to make important decisions about your situation. Therefore, your emotions status will improve. Believing in yourself is key and, at times, its very hard to do . You have a wonderful life to live. Just look at ways of supporting yourself through that . Don't let fibromyalgia or others take away your confidence.

Everyone deserves to have kindness and understanding in this world. There are support groups and community centres that will help you and your family understand each other. There are many books and websites that share what it can be like living with fibromyalgia if you go through some of this information with your family and friends. You will know you have done your best to explain this very horrible illness. I hope 🙏 you will remember the main person is you and your happiness through life.

God bless you and big warm hugs 🫂 your never alone while you are a member of this site. You are a brave lady to speak out about the way others make you feel ✨️

Stay safe .xx x

[LittleDaisy67]

Hi ChrisieukI have the same issue but (see my post 'unsympathetic husband ') after a proper meltdown I think it's getting through. He has picked up the pace on helping me and doesn't expect things to be done now, like he did before. We cannot always suffer in silence, he won't read anything about FM but as I say, a meltdown recently obviously hit home. Good luck and well wishes, take it easy x

[Siddyboy]

Thankfully I've never been married although I've been proposed to 16 times, being single has brought me great joy, dump the selfish unempathetic oath, chuck him out and try finding some peace within yourself then you can move on. Confide in a good friend or close family member or even better reach out to the Samaritans they are wonderful people

[Yassytina FMA UK Volunteer]

Hello, Ive ust caught up with your post, very hard for us fibro s too try and get our feelings over too someone that dosent live in our shoes day too day, have you any children ? Sometimes as I read here people hang on for the sake of young children, but when they get independent your then left the 2 of you again, some lovely thoughtful replies too you with friendly advice . I hope if you do move forward you have some close family you could temporary move into with whilst you get yourself together and start again, sending my best wishes to you , take care x