Here we go again!

[ShelWhitt]

I am wondering whether anyone else has nightmares as yet another symptom of fibromyalgia. Having had it for over 30 years it has gradually worsened, so that over the last fiver years or so it has become life changing. It is a bit of a rant so I do appreciate it if you have the time to read it. I think it is in part to do with my DH becoming ill five years ago with dementia, COPD; he can barely walk, plus he has other health problems, so I am now virtually his carer. This is not what I had anticipated. After years of supporting him; running the home, working full time, and eventually being a carer for my mum until she died in 2009, I had hoped that when he finished work six years ago, he would start supporting me more; as neither he nor our two daughters have ever really acknowledged there is anything wrong with me, much as the same response I have had from so called friends. I think this is down to me looking OK, and in spite of suffering a lot, being determined to carry on! Although they are aware I have fibromyalgia and I have made several attempts to explain, they are not interested, and I am regarded as a hypochondriac, which in itself is demoralising , when I read about others who have support from family and friends. Now to the crux. As I have gradually become more withdrawn and isolated , I have realised it was always me doing the reaching out, and now I have stopped no one is reaching out to me which I think has a bearing on the insomnia and the constant nightmares. I am always involved in a group activity with lots of people - friends and family I recognise from my childhood and teens (when it was all good and there was never any animosity) when it suddenly turns very nasty. They all suddenly turn on me. Reject and exclude me from the group, and then laugh , ridicule and taunt me. It is vivid and horrible. It is always the same outcome and I wake up upset and unable to shake it off, and it is so bad it is starting to infringe on my every day life and I am starting to become paranoid. I need to shake it off before it gets any worse, so any positive help, advice, or even understanding will be gratefully received. Thank you for taking the time to read my 'tale of woe'. xx

[Rosepetal60]

Oh dear ShelWhitt, this is a tricky one. More thought is needed. I do understand what you are saying about the bad dreams. I have bad dreams myself and wake up with them , trying to work out why I’m worrying so much only to realise it was a dream. All I can think of at the moment, is to read the type of book that you want to keep reading and engross yourself in that before you go to sleep. Thinking of it as though you are in the story and what the next chapter will bring. It might work I’m thinking someone will come along very soon with other ideas. And I’ll keep thinking too.

[ShelWhitt in reply to Rosepetal60]

Thank you Rosepetal. It helps to know others suffer from bad dreams too. Yet another fibro symptom. Do they never end? x

[denny_the_wench]

Sorry to hear this ShelWhitt - if you are on Duloxetine that is one of the side effects, I am finding that my dreams are now very vivid and sometimes quite unsettling, and frequently include people from my past - although it's the situations I find myself in (lost and running around looking for something - or trying to get somewhere on time) rather than the people (who all seem to be directing me somewhere else) that cause me to wake in a sweat and feel odd for sometime after.

I am no dream expert - and I would suggest that maybe, if you have not got a counsellor then talking to someone who is able to go through these things with you may be of help? It does sound like your mind is trying to process the feelings and issues you are finding yourself coping with in your everyday life.

Thanks to Covid - a lot of the local Mental Health services now have online counsellors who you can either talk to over the phone or on Zoom meetings - I was lucky enough to get a good local one who I Zoom with and she suggested keeping pad and pen and as soon as I wake, jot down the key bits of the dream, people, feelings etc, and we would then discuss at the next session. You might find that by doing this a pattern occurs that mirrors something that has happened in the day with DH.

I like Rosepetal60 's suggestion too - and I do try to read or listen to something uplifting and positive before I sleep.

Hugs to you xxx 🤗🤗🤗

[ShelWhitt in reply to denny_the_wench]

Thank you Denny. After trial and error with medications I have finally ditched them pretty much. I take levothyroxine for hypothyroidism, occasional paracetamol and very occasional diazepam, as I was getting no benefits but a miriad of side effects. I have had some counselling , both group therapy and one to one with info on relaxa tion techniques, breathing etc. which does help with stress, but sometimes there is so much going on it gets overwhelming and I think my brain is not shutting down when I sleep - just my theory . I also know I am stubborn and when things are bad I get so angry that I can't change them, which is counter-productive anyway. I eventually calm down again and get on with stuff, but it does help to be able to let off steam on here occasionally, where I know there are others in the same predicament who can understand!

[Makie-Uppie]

I was going to say it might be the lack of sleep or indeed the medication that you may be taking that is the cause of your nightmares. However I think the real nightmare is the one you are living in, I think you need some help. Talk to your doctor and tell them how things are before you collapse either physically or mentally. As for the unhelpful family members tell the to get off their fat lazy butts and help, accusing someone of being a hypochondriac is just an easy way out and if they keep ignoring the situation I see it ending badly. Take care of yourself.

Oh I agree with all the other advice you have been given, now I have had time to get over my rant.

[ShelWhitt in reply to Makie-Uppie]

Thanks for respondiong Makie-uppie. I take on board what you say!

[sunnysanie]

Awww I feel for you and know how this feels,I have a week of constant nightmares and semi daydreams around pmt time,my insomnia doesn't help either they scare and upset me in horrible waves so I can sympathise totally,I just try to relax and do all the tricks to chill out as we do I feel your family etc woes too big hugs to you x

[Wobblygirl]

Hello ShelWhitt, I think retreating with this condition must affect so many of us?

One feels dreadful, worn out and empty and definitely there's not a great deal left to reach out and socialise!!!

I know no one reaches out here and I just can't be bothered anymore but the days are passing by empty and routine-like...

I manage a few chores alone and an awful lot of resting on the sofa! With this sunshine there's another chore of watering pots in the garden too! I do try and find something pleasant in each day but it's not always easy is it, especially if you're in pain?

I am not in your situation with a needy husband. Your dreams seem to echo your isolation and being rejected when you might have had time to share with your husband. It sounds like a deep grief to me about what might have been and what the actual reality is????

I think speaking to a professional is very necessary for you and maybe a self referral to a counselling agency asap? (They do take an age)

I hope you can do all this asap and try and make time for yourself a couple of times each day; even if it's a pleasant drink or sitting comfortably with a view or a short stroll... Nothing major but take time to remember you are important! I am too and I know how hard it is to recognise this when life is just an existence. Please accept my hug...

[ShelWhitt in reply to Wobblygirl]

Hi Wobblygirl. Thanks for you support. Every reply on here helps a lot!

[Bruton]

I am so sorry. I van see so many similarities to me. Friends were only there for what they could get never gave. Im a billy no mates now, but im not so stressed.Was able to hide my symptoms when every 1 was at work. Covid put pay to that. My daughter put together the dots and came up with fibro . I researched then showed hubby. Hed get cross every time i fell or had a mishap ,say i needed to lose weight.

Now he understands and is really supportive. ( and sorry)Most of the time.

People who matter dont mind. People who mind dont matter.

Now i pace myself, listen to my body. Try alternative remedies for relaxation, like essential oils, meditation, relaxation tracks. Avoid going to bed with worries otherwise i have the nightmares. Hope something helps here. Good luck

[ShelWhitt in reply to Bruton]

Thanks for listening Bruton. I feel slightly better now I have managed to get done some of the urgent jobs which have been piling up and finally got DH a doctor's appointment. Why is everything so difficult? Now on the the next ....

[Bruton in reply to ShelWhitt]

Well done. But take it easy, iys very easy to keep going on to the next and next and suddenly youre exhausted. Baby steps. Well done again

[Cotswolds25121]

Hi ShelWhitt 🤗🤗sounds as if you could do with some virtual hugs. I have suffered with terrible nitemares( a lot to do with my past) and as you say people from my past that have treated me badly always make an appearance. I used to be on medication to help me relax at night and this made them even worse so I came off of them (wish I could blimming remember what it was) and I was then put on noritriptlin which thankfully has worked even though I do still get the odd nitemare but nowhere near as many or as bad. I spoke to my dr this week though as I’ve had a rough time the past couple of weeks with the pain and exhaustion and she has written me a prescription for ducoloxitine and she said a lot of fm people are prescribed it, which I know I have seen myself on this forum. But now I am a bit wary and I don’t want to start having nitemares again😫as like you say they do not set you up for a good day! With regards to your unsupportive family unfortunately this is probably all to common 😌make yourself the priority and if they are old enough and ugly enough they can fend for themselves, sorry I know they are your family but sometimes we need to call a spade a spade! I really feel for you and this is just one reason why our group is so necessary. You will always find support here and plenty that are willing to listen. Sending you love and my best wishes and put yourself first, you deserve it 😘😘xxx

[ShelWhitt in reply to Cotswolds25121]

Hi Cotswolds. I agree with what you say and thank you for you support. xx

[Cotswolds25121 in reply to ShelWhitt]

Glad to be of support as every little helps💕hope you have a good day xx🤗

[denny_the_wench in reply to Cotswolds25121]

Cotswolds25121 Having been on the Duloxetine for 8 months now I will say that my dreams are not nightmares... just very vivid and "real" if you get my meaning - a bit like Virtual Reality or a 3D cinema event - on the plus side they HAVE meant that I've come off just about everything else as - for me - they do sort out my pain issues, meaning I've been able to get off the really heavy and addicting painkillers, so I'm willing to put up with the occasional one or 2 a month. I think it's virtual hugs all around for all of us! 🤗🤗🤗

[Cotswolds25121 in reply to denny_the_wench]

Hi Denny well that sounds promising, it does become arduous with the medication routine doesn’t it so il give them a go and see how it goes. I hope I have the same results 🙏I’m pleased they had that effect on you 🥳it’s always a matter of trying and hoping for the best so thank you for letting me know. Yes, we definitely all need 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗😀

[ShelWhitt in reply to Cotswolds25121]

I'll say 'Aye@ to that!!

[Cotswolds25121 in reply to ShelWhitt]

🤣

[Hidden]

Morning… I think it’s because your sleep isn’t ‘deep sleep’… all your anxieties/ worries/ subconscious thoughts are playing havoc… I take Amitriptyline every night at 7pm and I sleep far more soundly now.

Ask your GP to try you on this…

Also re: your thoughts… write them down to get them out of your system, and ask your GP to refer you to IAPTS… you need someone to talk these things over with (other than here I mean). Take care x

[ShelWhitt in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Crip Lady. Amytriptyline is one of the many medications I have tried, in fact have tried them several times but unfortunately I didn't get on with them at all. I think you are right though in that in that I don't get a proper deep sleep as I am up and down to the loo all night long!If it isn't one thing, it is another! I have never heard of IAPTS I will look into it. Take care! xx

[Cotswolds25121 in reply to Hidden]

Hi CripLady, you are spot on about it not being deep sleep. Amitriptyline is the medication I could not remember the name of the other day so thanks for that. It made my sleep and nitemares worse in fact but as always it’s horses for courses, what works for some doesn’t work for others. I was switched to nortriptyline which works better for me.I haven’t heard of IAPTS either but have had therapy and cbt therapy which did help me personally

[ShelWhitt]

Thanks for the suggestion Ajay. At the moment am managing about 5 hours so not too bad. I'll see how things Go! Takle care. x

[Shazza1968]

Mine are night terrors which is the result of PTSD.. but it’s all the same sometimes our dreams tell us about our subconscious, things like death in a dream is actually new beginnings, maybe make note when you can and google dream dictionary.. good luck I used to be my mums carer until I lost her 7 years ago .. be kind to yourself xx

[ShelWhitt in reply to Shazza1968]

Thanks Shazza. Think it could be related to past experiences, but who knows? Will definitely have a look at dream dictionary. Take care. x

[Shirls12345]

I'm so sorry it's been this hard for you and you're feelong so unsupported in it all.Regarding the nightmares, a couple of ideas...

The first is medication..

Nightmares seem to be a very common symptom of a lot of medications.. I was having them along with overwhelming exhaustion when I was on amytriptilaine. I changed that med due to the exhaustion and the nightmares disappeared 😕.. when I looked up side effects on the leaflet.. nightmares were there.

Another thought, especially when you're talking about how you're feeling .. is depression..

I got depressed last year after many months of pain and the pain specialist said that depression is just a part of chronic pain and everyone with chronic pain has it.

One little tablet in the morning and my mood changed completely and everything looked better within a week or 2 ... God the relief... I was so glad I had owned those feelings. Might be no harm to look up the symptoms of depression.

Regarding your friends some honest kind conversations from a place of love can sort a lot. If you tell people how overwhelmed you're feeling with the pain and burden of caring you could be very surprised about the response you get. I've been a carer all my life too. It's sad how many of us end up prematurely sick ourselves isn't it.

fibromyalgia is now categorised as a type of arthritis isn't it?

Why not tell your family after the next doctors visit that you got an arthritis diagnosis... and refer to it as arthritis rather than fibromyalgia in the future..

I hope you get the support peace and rest you deserve... perhaps now is the time to care for you?

I'm trying to approach it with an

" if I were my child how would I care for me in this?" Type of attitude..

Also "no" is a complete sentence.

You don't have to do all you do..

The washing and hoovering can wait a bit and a burger and chips from the chippie or a salad is a grand meal to sort too...

I really hope you feel better soonest. 💓

[ShelWhitt in reply to Shirls12345]

Hi Shirls. Thank yo for your reply. I know a lot of what you say is true and depression has to have played its part this last 18 months. To be honest I only have a couple or so friends now as I have ditched several and lost touch with others. Got fed up at always making the first move! Not their fault entirely. I wouldn't believe how ill I feel , if someone tried described it to me. Not that I have ever played on it, if anything I did the opposite. Tried to carry on no matter how I was feeling! With a smile. Always asking about others! They were aware I had fibro, didn't want to know what is was or how I was feeling, and the usual if I said it is constant pain, they had all had it and I should take a tablet and not moan. It got to the stage if I felt really ill I would say I had a migraine or my back was playing up! I have now got to the stage were I feel so rough most of the time I no longer want to go out anyway. But obviously it is difficult even staying in, with DH. I am now trying to accept things as they are and use my mum's mantra. There is always someone worse off than you! I think the depression comes from there being no light at the end of the tunnel.To be honest the housework is a distraction, and I only do it a bit at a time, in stages. Also I get DH to help a bit where he can so it helps to keep him active too and away from the TV fort a while!. Stay safe. xx