Most of you on here will have read my saga over the last few months and to be honest I am sick of hearing myself constantly moaning, so why can't I put a smile on my face and make the best of things. You would think in view of the latest debacle - skin cancer - that hearing it is treatable when things could be a lot worse it would buck me up, but all I feel like doing is crying all the time. DH doesn't know what to do with me. He has dementia, is hardly mobile but does help a bit around the house where he can, but we are constantly bickering. I know he is concerned about me; but it is mainly about himself, in case I have to go in hospital and he knows he won't manage alone, but he won't admit it. He is constantly asking and re-asking me the same questions and it is driving me mad. He won't write anything down to help his memory and then rows with me. I feel guilty as it isn't his fault, but then again it isn't mine either. I know if I didn't have 'fibro' and the constant brain fog I would manage OK, and have a bit more patience, but I have and I 'm not. What are others doing in similar situations, I can't be the only one? Family have their own problems, so I try not to put on them to much. They do what they can to help, shopping and accompanying to me hospital if need be, and what 'so called' friends I have are really more of acquaintances who I wouldn't want to confide in any way. I realise I am depressed which is new to me, although I have had chronic anxiety for years. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm 78 so there isn't a lot of time left! What are others doing to cope in similar situations?
Why can't I snap out of it? - Fibromyalgia Acti...
Why can't I snap out of it?
Hi
I'm so sorry you feel like this, it must be terrible. I have had bad depression a few years ago and councilling really helped plus family and friends. I wasn't on any forums then which I wish I had been!! This is just a suggestion but have you thought about having carers in , it might just help you a little. Pm me if you need/ want to
All my love Lynne xxxx ❤️🤗🌈💜
Thanks Lynne. I do appreciate our chats and I have thought about carers. At the moment I don't think it will help as the physical stuff we are managing between us, albeit at our own slower pace, it is mentally I am struggling. ,However, I have now got some diazepam from the doc, which should help to calm me down a little and I am hoping when I my 'head' has been seen to, I will relax a bit more and hopefully all my other pains and digestive issues will settle down . Thanks again for caring. xx
The first thing I would do is get yourself a Social Worker. You can ask your GP to refer you or you can ring your surgery and ask them to give you the phone number for the duty social worker, and then tell the duty social worker you need some help. (This is what I did for my parents a few years ago, and the Social worker at that time was a really good help). They can direct you to so many services which may be able to help you, including carers if you think you need them to help with your hubby. x
Thank you my dexter. I have got some diazepam from my doc. and once my skin cancer issue has been resolved things should get a bit better. I hear what you are saying and obviously I have looked into social worker scene, but I don't think that would really help at the moment. The day to day routine stuff in itself isn't a problem. Getting up, showered, dressed, meals, day to day housework, we are managing OK. Shopping daughter is helping with. It is remembering all the other stuff and actioning it - even if not doing it myself having to think through to who can help, then actioning it. That is the problem, when not feeling well. eg, renewing DH's blue badge. I have spent all together nearly two days on the phone and on line trying to find who can help me do this, as I couldn't do it myself, and have eventually enlisted the help of AGE UK who now have me on their list and are going to help! Then, getting the new TV licence. Tick. Done. Getting the car in for it's MOT and service, when I am not driving at the moment; Rick. Done. Getting the washer repaired (you know what it is like when the washer breaks down); Eventually after two days. Rick Done. Putting back up the shower rail which broke Tick Done. - you get the picture. It has been a nightmare, but I am gradually getting there. I realise everyone has these issues to deal with but because I have been feeling so unwell, these little problems in themselves were overwhelming me, and 'sod's law' as is always the case, when you don't need it, there has been something every blooming day for weeks on end; couldn't get one thing sorted before there were two more things to deal with. Anyway rant over.I do appreciate your responding. The lovely people on this site have been a Godsend to me over the last few months and I send my heartfelt thanks to every one of you. Take care and stay safe. xx
It sounds to me like you are burned out and you need help. Contact Social Services; they should be able to help. Please tell your doctor you are feeling desperate and abandoned. too.
Cheers, Midori
Thank you Midori for your concern. Doc is aware of my situation, and I have had therapy to help with stress , obviously with limited success, and DH is on social Services register in case I am hospitalised and they need to be brought in. DH isn't too bad at the moment, wit the dementia, it is more a case of repeatedly answering the same questions, He is OK with washing, dressing, making cups of tea, helping with little houshold jobs, but he is like me in that a lot of the time he doesn't feel well, but that is what happens when you get old!
Hi Shel so sorry to hear you are going through this difficult phase. I hope the medication from the Doctor will kick in soon and you feel a bit better. Sending you a great big hug and lots of love, hang in there girl. XX Misty A
Than you Mysty for your good wishes. When you are feeling low, every good wish means a lot! I am still hanging in there! Returning hugs and love. Take care and stay safe. xx
Yes. that is part if the trouble. We become our own worst enemy. I have always taken care of 'stuff', so DH can't understand why there is a problem now. and as they say, 'you can't treat an old dog new tricks' - especially when they have dementia, so I just have to get on with it. Feeling a little calmer now I have got appt. for skin cancer to be seen to - next Tuesday - and as of today, there is nothing desperately urgent on the 'to do' list, other than DH's blue badge to be sorted ( due beginning of November. Waiting to be contacted by AGE UK to do that) so fingers crossed we are now 'sailing into calmer waters'. Goodness knows where all these cliches are coming from. Had my 4 am cuppa now back to bed. Hope fully another hours sleep. Take care all. xx
I think we are all feeling the same and I don't have as much stress as you have. I am sick of food shopping for 2 households and struggling with heavy bags to and from the car. As I am doing my Dad's shopping twice a week I have to deliver it which takes me a hour there and back depending on the traffic twice a week. I have been doing this since the beginning of March and I am dreading it if we have snow because I sometimes have difficulty getting out of my road because where I live is semi rural. My husband who doesn't have health problems is getting on my nerves with constant questions about whether I have transferred certain money to another account and if I have moved his glasses again. (which I never do he keeps on losing them himself). He is forever checking up on me which annoys me a lot.
I cannot see an end in sight at the moment and it is starting to get me down at the moment.
Hi Lora. I fully understand where you are coming from. Even if we don't have the same problems, the stress from this enforced change of lifestyle is affecting us all. Made all the worse with the chronic health problems. I definitely get the 'husband' bit, although mine does have early dementia, but the constant and repeated questioning is driving me mad. I am constantly on a short fuse and had a telling off from my eldest daughter yesterday as she says my attitude is appalling. I don't think it is, and my DH says it isn't when I'm speaking to her. So who knows? To be honest I wasn't happy about her attitude to me either, but as usual I bit the bullet. and apologised; but even that wasn't accepted in good grace. However I appreciate she is under stress, so try to make allowances, pity it doesn't work both ways,. However, when I spoke to her next we were back on an even keel, but I think we will all be glad when/if we ever get back to normal! Take care and stay safe. xx
Don’t be hard on yourself, you have a lot going on , we differently need that light at the end of the tunnel , I am glad you get support here sometimes we just need to vent and let it out. There are some lovely kind people here, Lynne being one of them always ready to listen , I think the weather turning now and the current situation in the world today isn’t helpful, is there anybody like an old friend who could sit with your hubbie over a cuppa while you have sometime out with your daughter, a ride out in the car and somewhere to have a lunch out say , just time away from the house and break routine, I have cared for family in my time and you do need time to switch off, sending hugs xx
Hi Yassytina. Thank you for you reply. It is difficult as our social life has somewhat disintegrated during the last six months and our daughters have problems of their own. The fact that we are not driving now is not helping, but obviously because of our health problems and age we are staying home as much as possible. We had just started venturing out a couple of time before things started going downhill again.I am just hoping I can get the surgery on my scalp sorted - next Tuesday - before we get pushed into lockdown as I noticed today we are on the 'being watched' list! To be honest I don't feel very sociable most of the time anyway, it is difficult to do when you don't feel well, and I am a little bit resentful that so called friends have not been contacting us, but hopefully once I am feeling better things will get back to normal!
PIP assesment 
I believe my work is trying to encourage me to leave - I can't afford to - HELP!
Times is tough around here ....
If I can get well, why can't others.
