Some alternative thoughts

Well, an alternative take on illness. No doubt the medication I was taking was causing me lots of symptoms similar to fibromyalgia. I'd say it's not a problem now. However, because I can think and project again my body seems to have remembered what it was thinking and projecting at 16! I knew at that age which office my body HAD to walk to to be sane. I didn't do it. Instead I did A levels because other people said and actually tried doing social anthropology at university. This course actually only re-affirmed what I knew at 16 about my health and illness, so was a waste of time. I had a second bite at the cherry when I landed an office job and finally started on my chartered secretary course. Unfortunately I moved to manage a bigger office before I had completed my course. Mistake. I was so busy dealing with my new job i never seemed to be able to think I could complete the course. I was running when I needed to have been able to speak. I needed to say "I'm a qualified chartered secretary" before I took on the new role I did. Then I made a mistake at work and got verbally caught in a legal situation. My training in social anthropology made me realize I had to see the situation out. I didn't , I chose to leave my job, mistake. My life went down hill after that. Although better from stopping the medication, the eye spell and body actions that is supposed to be my life , I won't get the opportunity to project again. So , now I am "awake" from stopping the meds I can't project properly , which still leads to discomfort and pains of a different kind. Sorry this post isn't about fibromyalgia. However, maybe it's useful to any young ones on here. If you take a step towards a job and it feels great maybe take it up. I tried the bigger thing and failed. I know many school friends who left at 16 and have had great careers. Be careful. One body, one projection , one life.

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  • Hi minesawhiskey

    A very interesting post and thank you so much for sharing your story. You say the post is not about Fibro? I have pasted below a short excerpt from the NHS Choices cache on Fibro causes:

    *Fibromyalgia is often triggered by a stressful event, including physical stress or emotional (psychological) stress.

    Maybe, just maybe, all of this was your trigger for Fibro as the stress of it all was simply too much?

    I want to sincerely wish you all the best of luck, and please take care of yourself.

    All my hopes and dreams for you

    Ken

  • Hi, thanks for the reply and info. Yes, I see it says stressful events may cause it. Unfortunately, I got caught in a stressful event , plus I had family who trivialized my job, saying I didn't do much, I only pushed a pen. Well I executed and handled all the documents and payments authorized by the lawyer and accountant. It was a big deal to me, I think at one point I must have had at least 150 people to deal with in my work. I could go on but one thing , after doing so many jobs before the one I was supposed to do all along and feeling rubbish doing them I couldn't believe that I'd found a job that made my feel so amazing! I sabotaged this feeling because I was not used to it, plus, yet again , one of my parents criticized what I was doing, the problem with that is, you can't make a parent and the criticism disappear like you can if some random person says, so you have to permanently PHYSICALLY react to a negative, very unhealthy. I was internalizing a lot of unnecessary negativity. If you have kids, let them DO what they do, work should actually be very easy and look effortless, I got criticized for looking as though I didn't do anything, yet this is exactly how work should look. My bodily projections were perfect for my perfect job, that's exactly why! Every bone movement felt crucial. I mean I was only managing an international trust company transacting millions and millions a year!!

  • Good luck my friend.

  • Morning minesawhisky.....I am sorry you are having such negative thoughts re. your career choices but what you must remember is you held a very responsible position and we all make errors in our lives....some big and some small...we are not perfect. As for your family did you ever talk to them about your responsibilities at work. Maybe they didn't understand fully. You haven't failed at all so try to stop thinking that way.....You are a Fibro Fighter and you have to be strong to cope.....Gentle Hugs xx

  • I worked all my life in health and care. Firstly in mental health for over 2 decades (in a predominantly senior qualified position) and then I moved into social care (to reinvent myself). I've worked with a number of different client groups but invariably challenging and stressful. It all takes its toll. I pushed myself. I was young, energetic and very ambitious once. Don't know where that chap went.

  • I'll sign off from fibromyalgia group now as I seem to have woken up from the "stupor" of the mental health drug that I stopped taking. From here on in I need a different support/therapy group but I thank everyone on this site. I know what your symptoms can feel like! As for me I've somehow got to get my body from showing over to absolutely everything, however, it is handy that I'm showing over to food as it's now so easy not to think about food whereas before it was constantly what's for breakfast , what's for lunch , what's for tea and what's for inbetween all that!

    Good luck everyone - let the good times roll if at all possible.

  • well I love your new picture xxxxxx

  • Hi minesawhiskey Thanx for sharing ;-) as TheAuthor say's, although you say its not about fibro, it kind of is as well. Like you and many others, I had a very difficult and demanding job training staff to NVQ levels up to 4/5 senior level in social care, managing Social Services care homes from, children, to mentally ill, to learning difficulties and working with clients with severe Autism & Challenging behaviors and when I couldn't do this anymore because of the stress, I had to take 3 years off work to feel anywhere like myself again. I think work is the most stressful thing in a persons life, Training and studying at the same time and I was running a home and had 3 children of my own, a foster child & my husband had his own business so there was always something to do for that, even if it was cleaning the toilets lol

    There is no time to be unwell and I remember if I ever was ill, it would be something serious and I would be ill for weeks and just as I would recover from one ailment, there would be another one queueing up to take its place, the constant struggle to not have time off work.

    I remember once I was looking after a very ill lady & she used to wake really early so I used to put my alarm on for 6 am & I leaned over to turn it off one morning and rolled straight out of bed onto the floor lol..

    But in between all this commotion I did manage to go to college for 5yrs when I was in my early 30s, never learned a thing at school, not even 1 GCSE haha.. Don't know how i done all that, most of the time trying not to take pain killers so I wouldn't nod off in the middle of writing reports or something, so most of the time in pain.

    Sorry I'm rambling on now haha Your post is very thought provoking

    Peace, luv n light

    Jan x

  • Hi, it's interesting to hear background stories. Although you have struggled it's good that you have managed to keep going through everything. I had a severe case of chartered secretaryianism at 16, if I didn't make that move to that office then I actually knew my life would be a disaster. I had a highly one functional body if I wanted to feel well. Got talked into other paths by other bodies, ended up studying social anthropology with subjects like language meaning and power. It actually only told me what I already knew at 16! If you have too many different jobs a body might eventually break down in my opinion. Now my body seems to immediately show over to any job I approach. Maybe it's just confidence. Functionalism is important in my opinion.

    It's sad that I gave up on a job that made me feel well because it felt unusual to do so, too many jobs before then made me feel ill, even simple ones and that was what I was used to.

    So, I'll sign off now, no need to reply. My advice is dont worry about going through the motions of a career starting from 16, go slowly, enjoy the changes gradually, focus, other descriptions of life might sound tempting, such as when you hear them speak on master chef, it might sound good and more interesting but my body tells those bodies to politely go away, I can't speak to you! Trying to change into a chef probably helped put me in living coma!

    Over and out.

  • I am sorry you are leaving us, please come on from time to time to let us know how you are getting on. I am glad you found support from this group and it is right to move on now you are ready.

    It is odd isn't it that there are so many background stories that seem to be life changing and can affect our decisions in the future.

    My father was dismissive of me, did not value any opinion I had and if I did well in a test or exam would want to know why I did not come top. However, when I did my OU course and graduated in my fifties, he was chuffed to bits. I still do not know what his problem was all those years ago but it knocked my confidence for decades.

    Kay

  • Every little it that a body does is important, however small or insignificant the it maybe, because regardless of the cultural value attached to the it, every it is a projection system, that should be protected and not harmed. It's dangerous if persons/parents don't realize this.

  • Both obviously.

  • I've got to say this at this point. My meds did something to my projection. Anyway, whether it was chemical reactions because of the meds or my own negative internalization of my new situation on meds, one way or the other my bodily actions were putting bad spells on my own body , causing me to feel ill and in pain. So, how much pain was caused by the chemical reactions going on in me or by my own rubbish projection, I wonder! This I am becoming sure of.

  • Both obviously

  • Morning I think lots of roads of thought lead to fibromyalgia xx

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