Mums who have fibro.

[goodatheart]

How do you mums cope with the day to day activities of family life. I really am struggling to do the house work, ironing, and then running around trying to keep up with a 19 month old. I have put my little one in nursery on Tue am and Thur pm. Thanks to all who replies xx

[beckyglen]

Hi,

I don't have any children yet but do want a family soon. I also struggle with day to day stuff like cleaning and cooking and walking dogs etc

All I can suggest to you is to not be hard on yourself or judge yourself by other peoples standards. Just do the best you can manage, pace yourself and prioritise what is really important to you and your family and don't worry about the rest - it will still be there tomorrow.

Take care and be kind to yourself.

Gentle hugs to you

Becky xxx

[Lucyhobbit]

I have a 3 year old and I'm constantly exhausted, although now she's at that age where I can nap downstairs for 20 minutes or so which recharges my batteries a little. I tend to sit on the floor and play with her, especially when she was younger as I find that's easier on my joints in general.

She already understands that some days mummy can't do as much (although watching her walk around with a twig claiming she's got a sore back like mummy's is a real hoot!) and although I feel tremendously guilty that I can't do all the things she'd like me to, I don't think she suffers because of it - especially as once daddy's home I can take a back seat and she chases him all over the house!

Housework-wise I do what I can, when I can. My little monkey now does five 3 hour sessions over a week, so I'm finally getting a bit more of a rest when she's at nursery. Depending on if you are receiving certain benefits (not sure which though) you can get funded nursery places for 2 year olds too.

Would love to know how other parents cope.

[lou60]

I have my Grandson in residence while my Daughter is recovering from spinal surgery and I am shattered, all I can advise is just do enough to keep the home sanitary, anything else is as and when you can, and don't feel guilty about it. There is good advice about pacing, it has to be learned almost a fine art, someone will come along with further advice I'm sure, the fibro fog is creeping up on me. Wishing you all the best .Lou xx

[fibrokaren]

Hi

My children are now 24 and 27 but I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis back in 1985 when I was 24 at the time I was "told" that I would never have children or live a "normal life".

I went on to have 2 children .I was never able to run round with them and they very quickly got the idea that Mummy had "poorly pains" which made her different to other Mummies. They have both grown up to be very compassionate adults and while it was very hard at times I wouldn't be without them now .

You just have to decide what is important for YOU and your family, prioritise those things and be prepared to let other things go by the way side. When I cooked I always cooked enough for at least 4 meals so that there was always something in the freezer to eat on those days I wasn't up for cooking. I only did house work when I felt able , I rested when they where at school or out with their Dad, I made use of Grandparents and anyone else who offered to help. The older they got the easier it became, they grew up far more quickly than my sisters children who are the same age.

I did wonder if the medication I was taking at the time effected my DD who has a very rare type of Autism (which was undiagnosed for over 20 years) This made her a very difficult and challenging baby/toddler and child. She needed watching 24/7 as she had no sense of danger she was constantly hurting herself and having to be taken to A&E to be stitched up or put in to plaster.

She never slept and didn't talk until she was 10. She was still in nappies at 6 and wet the bed until she was 16 . Because of her different view on life she was bullied relentlessly at school and having a Mum who was "different" as well only added fuel to the bullies fire, I took her out of school eventually and taught her at home until she could go to college.

She is now my main carer and we are more like sisters than parent and child.

So yes if you really want children then go for it but expect it to be 100 times harder for you than for a "normal" Mum as you are dealing with a life changing illness and a baby who will be dependant on you for the next 18 years and more as you never stop worrying about them and looking out for them no matter how old they are.

[TheAuthor]

Hi again.

Well, I am not a mum, but I am a husband, a father and a grandfather. My wife has Primary Progressive MS and I look after her. It is hard, very hard! There are times when I cannot look after myself let alone the person who I love! However, I always feel we manage, somehow?

Take care

Ken x

[Betty67]

Stop trying to be perfect - 80% is enough i.e. you do not need to iron most things so cut out 80% of what you do.

Think very carefully about what you do, what you can get help with - shopping hard then do it on line. Veg well frozen is fine. chose you children's clothes for ease of use not whether they are cute and play with them as much as you can.

[goodatheart]

Thanks you all, I know its hard but did not know how hard it was going be, you all said to take it a day at a time and not to be hard on my self. Its just I remember what I could do before fribo took over my life two years ago. I was a clean freak. So seeing my home and washing not clean. It make me feel I let my standards slip. I was thinking of getting some one to clean for me and do the ironing once a month. So I think it would take the presser off me. I will keep in mind what you all said. Thanks so much for your understanding and great advice. Hugs xxx

[caninecrazy]

hello goodatheart,

im a mum to a 23year old and a 16 year old (and a 46year old hubby who acts like a child lol) I too have had to learn to pace and prioritise chores, I too was a clean freak with ocd. ive learnt to wash essentials; eg; school uniforms and work uniforms first and if ive spare spoons I then sort next laundry load and same with the ironing etc. as long as things are sanitised (kitchen and bathroom) and you are happy don't worry.

I was luckier (if that's the right word) as my kiddies were older than your tot when I became poorly so they were at a more independent age. im sure she loves to sit with you and read stories and make sticky gluey pictures (that take days to dry! lol) and then games of chase with pops when he's home.

my kiddies like fibrokarens have grown up quicker than other peers their age and help me lift heavy things when they know I would struggle.

you a doing a grand job, please don't fret. hugs x

[goodatheart]

Thank you so much. I think I just need to get my head around everything. I have a lot going on at the min. With my health and family and mental health. I seem to get around one thing only to be told I have something else. I really hope this is the last thing.As I don't think I can cope with any thing else. Oh well life has to go on . thanks again hugs xxx