Hello, I'm really struggling and think some advice might help xx

[Oliveandpan]

Hi so I've not used reddit really before, made an account a couple of years ago for black cat page lol. Basically I had a rubbish morning and thought I know I'll ask reddit. I went to an aita page knowing I already was an a hole in the argument but thought someone could help me with how to move forward. That might ve been a mistake, some people were nice and understanding but others were just so mean. I think I need like a fertility communities help, I feel so low. Weve been trying for nearly 2 years. I've been doing all the ovulation tests, for the last few months I've not found it even with the strips. This month I found it n checked it with clear blue ovulation test. Flashing smiley face and I'd done two tests each day previously so we got to it last night and again this morn, checked with clear blue still flashing. We work long hours and wouldn't see each other until later. Now I know your most fertile period is 5ish days but within that there's a few hours of highest chance to get pregnant I realllly wanted to try during that time. Yes I know the sperm lasts for days and we'd done it that morn and previous night but that's not worked for us before so I suggested to my husband we both take the day off. Something I know he doesn't like doing. But in my head he wants this as much as me, we've talked about private ivf as the NHS route is long and they keep making mistakes so I thought what's a days wages compared to how much itll cost us going private? I pretty much say this, and that I just feel really shit and haven't found a positive ovulation in so long I wanted to really give a go this month he says no.

I then get upset, like I can't handle this anymore upset, like doesn't matter I'll just fail again anyway upset. The last time I felt this low is when I've lost someone loved. I cried at the dinner table a few months ago but I feel like that's understandable with thinking I was pregnant, realising I wasn't but had been.

He makes a frustrated noise and walks away and I tell him to f off to work then and leave. He has a go back telling me not to talk like that to him and he doesnt talk like that to me. I know it's true and am shocked cos he's right and shocked that I told him to f off. I said sorry for swearing but when your wife asks you to take time off work cos she's ovulating and you say no what can you expect, especially when I'm so upset and breaking down for you to walk away. I wouldn't walk away from you that upset so maybe you deserve it. We argued while I cried and he said I was gaslighting him we ended up having sex before he left as a compromise. It wasn't fun, we've never not had fun before even when I've been poorly.

I feel lost like I don't know what to do. Am I a terrible person for asking him to take a day off with me? People have had a go at me for not allowing him consent.. I mean each time I go to the drs they tell us to have sex everyday, especially during the most fertile period. There's been times when I've had the flu and really not wanted to but still did. Am I an a hole for not thinking of his consent?? I thought we were in it together but people commented saying they don't think he even wants kids and we aren't on the same page? All I've done is cry today. They've told me that I shouldn't have kids cos I'm mental for treating my husband that way, you know it's stupid. These people don't know me but maybe I can't get pregnant because I shouldnt maybe it's my fault. Am I selfish like that one commenter said? Do I not deserve kids. Does my husband even want them with me? We've been together 11 years, it was just an argument right? One person said we were headed for divorce. Please just tell me if you've experienced anything like this and if its just hormones and stress and that we just need to talk it out when we're both home. There were a couple of comments along these lines from some women who had experienced fertility issues so I'm hoping there's others who can just tell me it's OK as the majority of people said unkind things. I do, as a 37 Yr old know that telling my husband to f off is wrong and is not something i do regularly. I would say that I'm not going to stress about getting pregnant in the future but I think that's partly why I broke down I haven't really properly stressed about it for the last 2 years until now. I think it's overwhelmed me. I've been sad today, I've never asked for help before. Not had any therapy, no time or money for that but I just feel low. Normally my husbands there with me but I feel lonely right now. If you do take Time to read this and respond. Thank you xx

[Angelikid88]

hey love, to me you are 100% normal. Couples have arguments, trying to get pregnant for 2 years now with no luck is tough. The important thing is for you 2 to stay on the same team. And don't rely on people from Reddit oh my god lol

[Greenleaves1]

I hope you felt a bit better as the day went on. I have a friend who didn't ovulate on her own, she was able to use clomid medication with a fertility clinic to help ovulate.

[WanderingWonder]

hey, infertility is a rough ride and it puts a lot of pressure on relationships.

Has your husband had a full semen analysis?

It might be worth having a date night or two to spend some quality time together to reconnect and remember how much you like each other’s company.

Take the pressure off a bit and bear in mind that having sex every other day during your fertile window is plenty! A lot of men would find more than that challenging and it’s good to give the semen time to replenish anyway!

Wishing you all the best!

[soccerkt6]

Hi lovely, I agree with WanderingWonder that it's time to do some investigations. If you've been tracking your ovulation and having sex during your fertile period for some number of months now, there's likely an issue that's preventing you from falling pregnant. Start with a semen analysis for your husband and some basic hormone tests for yourself and then go from there. If you didn't ovulale for several months in a row it's possible you might have PCOS.

And while I completely understand wanting to try as much as possible during your fertile period, sex once per day or every other day really is totally sufficient to give you a good chance. Try to take that pressure off yourself and your husband because that's really hard on both of you. Best of luck xx

[tash1989]

Oh, my dear, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can truly relate—my husband and I have been trying for years, and I’m a similar age to you. Infertility has put a huge strain on our relationship, especially when it comes to the time and financial commitment. At times, I even feared it might break us.

My best advice is to see your GP as soon as possible and explore how they can help. If not immediately with ovulation induction drugs like Clomid, then explore the NHS-funded IVF route. I’m not sure where you’re based or how eligibility works in your area, but it’s worth finding out. Pursuing proper medical support—both for diagnosis and treatment—helped my husband and me move forward mentally. Having a plan, understanding what was going right or wrong, and knowing we were taking action made a real difference.

You can also ask about counseling, which can be invaluable during this journey. I won’t sugarcoat it—navigating the NHS system requires patience, diligence, and organization. But by staying proactive and pushing things forward, you can gain a sense of progress and control.

You’re not alone in this, and I truly hope you find the support and answers you need. Sending you so much strength and love.

[Estherlovescats]

Hi id recommend mira ovulation tracker. Much better than clear blue. About £300 to set up but worth every penny and confirms ovulation u put ur chart up on their Facebook page and people comment on ur hormones. I did 2 rounds of ivf that failed and got pregnant naturally straight after using mira. I was 40 so dont give up hope. Ask about clomid. Letrozole if u dnt ovulate. Get fertility bloods done amh and fsh. Beg the gp if not randox do them. I also read it starts with the egg and tried supplements there but lots are in seven seas wellwoman tablets. £20 a box in asda. I also did mediterrean diet sometimes keto which helps fertility and lost 40lbs and no alcohol as it drastically reduces fertility . I tried reiki and accupuncture. I also did coq 10 ubiquinol life extension brand needs to be ubiquinol. And dhea but u need dhea-s and testosterone bloods first as it can hinder than help if uneccessary. Randox do them. Hope it helps. X

[CyclingAddict]

I don't think either of you are in the wrong. Experiencing infertility is very high stress and of course this can fuel arguments. You become desperate and that little flashing smiley face give you some hope to cling onto.

One thing I will say is to be careful. I know from personal experience that putting pressure on a man to perform on tap to maximise fertility windows can cause issues. It's obviously not essential to climax as a woman to get pregnant, and there are lubricants if you're not in the 'mood'. But it's entirely different for men. Pressure can cause erective dysfunction that isn't always short-term.

I also see it from his point of view. He probably saw giving up a day's wages in favour of a hypothetical situation (saving money in the long-run if you have to do private IVF as not a valid argument).

I remember my fertility counsellor explaining that male and female brains work differently. Women will often think of the long-term and hypothese (for example: if I don't have kids I won't have grandchildren in X amount of years, and what will that look like?). So we often panic over situations we create in our heads and get more upset about future scenarios which may or may not happen. Whereas men are more in the 'here and now'. Losing a day's wage is a certain, immediate consequence of not going to work. That therefore carries more weight that a hypothetical situation set in the future.

In short, neither of you were wrong. Your responses to the situation were probably very typical. You just need to communicate your needs to each other better.

Good luck X

[Christianbaby]

You’re not a terrible person, and this was just an argument—one fueled by stress, hormones, and the emotional weight of TTC. Fertility struggles can bring out emotions you didn’t even know you had, and it sounds like you hit a breaking point. That doesn’t mean your marriage is doomed or that you don’t deserve kids. It means you’re human, and this journey is really hard.

Taking a step back and having a calm, honest talk when you’re both in a better headspace could help. Let him know how much this is affecting you, but also listen to how he’s feeling. This is something you’re both going through, and being on the same team will help. xxx

[Oliveandpan]

Hey thanks guys, yeah had a chat when ge was home and things are fine. We have had tests done, so far they've all come bk OK. The nhs were supposed to be referring us, i chased them but they never did so now we have to do all the tests again! Thank you so much for your kind words I really was so down yesterday and it helped alot. After a hug and my husband laughing at the reddit commenters I feel much better. Xxx

[Spicycurry]

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I understand as we had male factor due to low morphology which did improve with no alcohol, little caffeine and a very healthy diet with supplements from It starts with the egg. Had to drop one free cycle from nhs as they were useless. Then I googled at 38 years old the best IVF clinic in the U.K. I went there and did get pregnant with my son. It did put stress on marriage. I would say at 37 go private if you can. The nhs will not do icsi or IMSI if you need it. We were told they would not offer icsi if morphology improved to 3% which is still not normal range. We went private and they offered icsi regardless. But we had success only with IMSI. If you are 37, go private and do IMSI. Also go somewhere where they do assisted hatching as it aids implantation. You may also need extra progesterone etc.