DE Decisions vs Financial Practicality

[Darcy1996]

Struggling with decision-making & would be so so grateful for any advice on how you made the decision to move to DE, if you did.

After 3 failed rounds of IVF with PICSI in the UK with OE (I’m 43), we are investigating clinics overseas for cost, new techniques & new opinions.

- 1 in Spain said we can absolutely try w/ OE but until we visit & have tests there, see our chances as just c 5-8% (in line with our UK clinic so I expected that), & so recommend DE, but would support us if want to try OE.

- clinic 2 in Spain said since I get great egg numbers for my age (tho ofc expect quality to be an issue at my age), we could try a duostim round & chances could be 20-25% - if that doesn’t work, we have DE still as an option. Then we’d know we’d tried everything with OE 🤷🏻‍♀️

We’re also meeting another highly recommended Greek clinic & one in Prague next week but I’m 99% certain at my age their recommendation will also be to move to DE, and I’m fully expecting that’s going to be the case at 43 y/o.

However, now the 2nd clinic have said I could try duostim, there’s a (slim) hope again so if we decide to go straight to DE, will I always regret not trying? I feel like I might, but also fear I’m setting myself up for more heartbreak.

And financially 💸 , importantly, we can just about afford the duostim, and then just about afford a DE round with a 2 blastocyst guarantee if it doesn’t work, but that’ll wipe us out. Financially & emotionally.

So if the donor egg round then doesn’t work…we’ll have spent all of our savings plus a loan, and there’s no more cash left to try, so I’ll have stopped our options. I dare not hope we’ll be lucky ones who succeed with the first DE transfer. 🤰🏻

It’s possible the option clinic 2 gave might be cheaper & realistic at another clinic but will they recommend it? We will be asking ofc. And Alicante from London for a duostim round is achievable, but Athens or Prague might be much harder, esp hiding this all from work.

After 3 OE IVF rounds in the UK we can no longer afford to advocate for our own eggs & just keep going with a 5-8% chance with a “standard” round.

I know I’m fortunate to have options, and I’m sorry for this long winded 🧠 dump, I just would really appreciate any learnings you’ve had if moved to DE, as struggling over here.

[SKC111]

Hey Darcy1996, it’s a difficult decision but it’s good you have options. I’m 40 and have had one round of ivf (after 18 months trying) which failed, 8 eggs only 2 fertilised but high fragmentation both transferred, none stuck. We had multiple paused cycles and emotionally it was draining! I decided to get a refund from my multi cycle package and use it towards DE as the chances would be so much higher. I didnt want to keep going through the pain and deep down I didn’t feel positive about it actually happening for us, but I felt with DE our chances would be so much better and potentially faster. Plus my partner didn’t want to keep going for years as he is older than me. Im currently abroad my transfer is next week 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼 it’s a personal decision but for me this will be our baby who I will love just as much as if he/she came from my OE! I listed to podcast by Adele O’Connor which really helped me decide it was the choice for us! If you want any more info on my clinic etc dm me. They do offer a refund options and you can try with OE first then DE if it fails. Wishing you all the best 🫶🏻 x x x

[Darcy1996 in reply to SKC111]

Thank you SKC111 I’ll have a listen to that podcast. I have a fab counsellor but she’s not specifically a fertility counsellor so am struggling to work it through. It helps so v much to hear from others as we’ve also been trying for nearly 4 years.

Best of luck for next week 💜💜

[SKC111 in reply to Darcy1996]

Follow your intuition & go with your gut, make sure you have no regrets. Wishing you all the best too x

[Londonlady2024]

Hi, if you haven't tried duostim then go for it. It could be your one opportunity to create a good embryo to freeze.

What you don't want is a life where regretted not using your own eggs for the last time.

It does only take one egg so always remember that. Don't worry about the stats, that's based on big research.

All the very best xx

[Darcy1996 in reply to Londonlady2024]

Thank you, that’s my fear, living in regret…💜although I also can’t afford to keep going indefinitely and have little funds left for any baby we are lucky enough to create. Hopefully speaking to 2 more clinics might help with 2nd opinions..

[Cloud_3]

Hi, we’re in exactly the same boat as you. After failed rounds in the UK which were costly we made the realisation that DE was going to be the way forward for us due to my age and financially we’ve already paid for 3 rounds so can’t keep going like this. However, none of my consultants ever mentioned being able to do tandem IVF (duostim) abroad which as I want to try once more with my OE before we move to DE is the perfect choice for us.

We can’t afford to just do one more round with mine then do another round with DE if mine don’t work so tandem ivf is the most financially viable option.

I went down a rabbit hole of finding multiple clinics that did tandem and then couldn’t decide which ones to go for. We’re now focused on Spain as it’s more accessible flight wise to keep the cost down plus I don’t want any additional stress. Now we just need to decide which clinic in Spain to go with - so if anyone has any recommendations for clinics doing tandem ivf in Spain please DM me!

Wishing you the best of luck x

[BBHH1]

Difficult choice. Seems like you haven’t reached the point that you feel you’ve tried it all. The stars of 2 tested embryos is 80% success (general number but it’s the number we have). So good chances but no guarantee. One thing you can think about it that for donor eggs you could potentially wait a few more years to then save money again and do it if needed. You don’t want too much time to go by so you are not much older because of risks with you and the pregnancy but if you are health a few years won’t make a big difference in that regards. Maybe talk to your doctor. Good luck!

[Darcy1996 in reply to BBHH1]

Thank you lovely & that’s true, we may have a v little time, I’m just so ready to close our IVF chapter & have a child…although I appreciate still no guarantees. Also ready to stop eating 500 supplements a day 🤣

[Weegran20]

my daughter had twins who are now 16 with DE

[Darcy1996 in reply to Weegran20]

That’s wonderful! Did she find it a hard choice, do you know? I’d love twins but my partner is petrified 🤣

[Weegran20 in reply to Darcy1996]

She only had 2embryos after miscarriage with first so they put 2 in and both took boy and girl perfect wee family .

We didn’t expect two and it was a surprise but a lovely one . ❤️good 🍀 luck

[Weegran20 in reply to Weegran20]

She could not use own Eggs

[Skittles11]

Have you looked at contacting the Donor Conception Network? They organise opportunities to speak to others in a similar position. I found it very helpful when I was looking at donor eggs. There is a small fee but defo worth it for the interactive/ support side.

[Darcy1996 in reply to Skittles11]

I haven’t, thank you that’s a fantastic suggestion!

[SPH12]

Hi Darcy1996, we are in a very similar situation. 5 rounds of IVF over 3 years and we've only ever had two blastocysts to transfer. Low AMH, bad egg quality and Asherman's means we have an uphill struggle each time. Our consultant in the UK is suggesting we try duostim with PGA testing - but we can't afford it. We are now deciding if we try abroad with my eggs and hope for a better outcome, or just accept that the donor egg route in the UK gives us (statistically) a better option. We can't do both, and it's a really hard call to make. My husband thinks DE, but I'm also aware that we only need one of mine to work and maybe duostim could be the way... but if it doesn't that's it all over and will I be kicking myself that we didn't go for DE. Sorry, no advice but a lot of sympathy. I feel like I'm stuck going round in circles. Best of luck and I hope you find a solution you're happy with!

[Darcy1996 in reply to SPH12]

I hope you do too. I am leaning towards duostim overseas, and then I have the budget to move to donor eggs there too.

But ask me tomorrow and I’ll say I will move to DE as it’s “the right thing to do logically”. Is there ever a right thing to do 🤷🏻‍♀️