“Emotional Perspectives and Decision-Making in Donor Egg and Sperm IVF Choices”

[Ahaly]

Hello,

How do you perceive the emotional outcomes of using a donor egg and your husband’s sperm in IVF? What influenced your decision to opt for this approach instead of using both a donor egg and sperm?

[TeacherD]

Hello Ahaly,

Merry Christmas! I wanted to respond but not sure I have the right experience. We have been doing ivf because of male factor infertility. My partner is completely on board but while watching a TV show the other night, something triggered us both. It was someone saying that his fiance had gotten pregnant to another man ending their relationship. He turned to me and said 'I've just realised that's what we're doing, another man has to get you pregnant!' We've had that discussion a thousand times before we started our journey but I think realisation has set in. It had all been taking a more emotional toll on me as I want nothing more than to have his 'mini me' but what I need to keep telling myself is that a mother/father role is not genetic...its a bond and an unconditional love between a mum and her child or a dad and his child.

No matter what happens and what route you choose, you'll be this child's parents and you will love him or her through every second of sleepless nights and never ending days! You'll create your family with whatever recipe it takes but at the end of it all, it will be your family and that's all that matters.

I think IVF is such an emotional rollercoaster. Our first round ended in an early miscarriage. The one thing that my partner repeatedly says about using a sperm donor is that it has taken the stress off him a little as he knows we're using good stuff! But he is still sad that it has to be this way.

I hope that helps. If I can give you any advice on sperm donations, let me know.

Sending all our love!x

[Ahaly in reply to TeacherD]

Hello Kdev,

It’s true that donor eggs are often seen as a more viable option compared to donor sperm, as many have highlighted above. I still remember the day of our first egg retrieval. When we found out we only had three eggs, my husband gently suggested considering an egg donor. What struck me was that he made this suggestion despite having hypo-oligoteratozoospermia himself. While I appreciated his support, I couldn’t help but feel slightly bad because it made me wonder why he seemed so open about egg donation but remained silent when it came to the idea of sperm donation. It’s a complicated journey, and moments like these bring out so many emotions.

Out first ET ended in implementation failure and now left with one more embryo.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience!❤️ Much love

[CyclingAddict]

Hey, I don't have experience in using donor eggs, but research has shown that the conditions in a woman's womb and the environment in which the fetus grows significantly impacts on how that baby turns out. So even if you didn't create the egg, you'll still influence how that baby looks and its personality.

You've also said that your husband has some fertility issues. Have you considered embryo adoption? It takes the stress out of waiting to see whether the sperm will fertilise the egg as the embryos are already created and ready to implant- and more often than not they are very high quality and often PGT-A tested (plus it's cheaper as the embryos are donated by couples who have had success and want to donate any left over embryos). I suppose if you did that then you and your husband would be having the same experience, so neither would feel like you were missing out. Just an option!

Best of luck to you! X

[Ahaly in reply to CyclingAddict]

Hey,

Thank you so much for your wise words ❤️ And I completely agree with it. As of now we have an embryo left. And it’s of good quality. Really wish this works!