Dilemma: what to do with unused embryos?

[Seren0119]

Dearest all,

Whilst I am fully aware that having unused embryos is an extremely fortunate position (my first round I had no embryos to transfer), I am seeking your advice on a complex, perhaps moral dilemma.

I feel I am at the end of my journey after six egg collections, but I have two unused embryos. I went through hell to get them and even ended up in hospital with OHSS to get the last embryo.

There are three possible options:

1) transfer them and go through the trauma of IVF again and worry in case they both worked (how I would cope financially), or the grief of miscarriage again if it didn’t work.

2) donate them (but I still feel so emotionally attached to them) - has anyone used a donated embryo and had contact with the donor if successful?

3) discard them or give them to science - whilst I would love to contribute to advancing treatment, I see those embryos as potential children and I could never destroy them, it would feel like I killed them!

Does anyone have any thoughts? I know it’s extremely personal, but I would love to hear what people think and their perspectives. How do you view your embryos? As cells? Babies? Thank you x

[Kate-92]

We have one frozen embryo (I am currently 23 wks pregnant with our 1st - we had 2!) and I actually haven’t thought to this point what we will do as to be honest I will just be so greatful and thankful for one healthy child that’s all I am focusing on but now I think about it, I see that embryo as life & I don’t know that I couldn’t not give it a chance - such a difficult situation. Have you had any success with IVF at all ? x

[BenjitheG]

hi Seren0119,

It is really tricky to know what to do at each stage of this challenging process and it’s all so deeply personal and different for everyone.

I think this is definitely a case when a specialist fertility counsellor would be best placed to help you to make the right decision for you and that is what’s the most important here.

I have found my experience with a counsellor so helpful navigating BFNs and also in helping us to decide what to do next. If you haven’t used one before your clinic would be able to offer details of people trained to help in making these difficult decisions and they often have personal experience of infertility which really helps.

Hope you find support that helps you make the decision that’s right for you.

Big hug x

[MrsOrangejuice]

Gosh, this is a difficult and very personal decision. Do you mind saying how long after your last collection/transfer are you stopping IVF and looking at making this decision ? Not wanting to sound patronising but if you've been through six rounds, plus transfers, had OHSS etc, if any of this was within the last year or so you may still be very much on the awful hormone mess that IVF inflicts. Plus trauma takes time to recover from. It may be worth waiting a bit longer to make sure you are coming at this with a completely calm and rational mind, just because the regret of whatever you decide could be significant. Are you receiving counselling? That could also help you here. Otherwise, is there an option to transfer one at a time, rather than both? There are costs and side effects with that and this time last year, after a disastrous 4th round, and surgery at 10 weeks for a PUL, I was asking my private clinic to transfer our last two together as right then I wanted this stage of my life over with, wanted to get the 'inevitable' failures out the way, and also not have the time and costs of two transfers. My consultant said no, so that took it off the table. In hindsight I am very grateful he did.

Not sure I could donate them to science now even though that's what I consented to on the forms. I think I see them more as potential children than when I started this, and possible siblings for my daughter, even another child for my OH if I passed away (the places your mind goes...) I'd be happier donating but I don't think it's an option as I was over 35 when we made them. For now we're just paying the storage fees. I don't know how I'll feel or what position I'll be in in a year, five years, 10....but with frozen time isn't so much an issue or a pressure so maybe a bit of time and space and a break from treatment will help you to recover and get your life back for a while.

[jinis]

This is such a hard one.

As an ex biomedical scientist (in a different field) who have personally benefited from advancement in IVF technologies, I know how important these embryos are to scientific research. Whilst I was in research, I had to learn to switch off part of my brain to go passed emotional attachment to study subjects.

As someone who's currently pregnant from IVF with donor sperm, I'm aware without these donations this wouldn't have happened. Whilst embryo donation is rarer than sperm/egg donation, there are still cases where people need donated embryos to have their dream come true.

I have x5 embryos left from my own eggs from which a sibling will hopefully come.

Having said all this - as MrsOrangejuice also said above, I've grown more attached to embryos and what I conceive them as has evolved throughout this journey. I haven't decided what I'll do in the fortunate situation where I have embryos left in the freezer. The only thing I know for me personally is that I wouldn't go down the route of just destroying them.

There is no wrong decisions and hope you take as much time as viable (financially etc - these freezers ain't cheap!) to make a decision you feel at ease with xxx

[Glaedy]

I was thinking about the same recently, currently I have 3 frosties, my plan is to transfer 1 by 1 till the end if the year and hope at least 1 will work. If not then that's it. If let's say next transfer would work, I will wait till we have the baby (just in case) and then donate fir adoption or science - depends if OH would like to do as well.

[Millbanks]

Hello lovely one,

I'm sorry you're in this situation - it's a truly difficult situation.

We are lucky enough to have a little boy from our 6th transfer and have been trying for a sibling. We're 2 transfers down and no joy, and we have 3 embryos frozen. We're just starting our 3rd FET now and to be honest we're both a bit done, emotionally, physically and financially. I am so grateful to have these frosties but part of me just wants to be done with IVF altogether and go back to being able to enjoy my life rather than planning everything around scans / meds / whether I'll be testing etc...

So I think this transfer will be our last. That leaves us with 2 embryos to decide what to do with. They were created when I was 37 so too old to donate and actually I don't think I could really cope with the idea of someone else giving birth to essentially what would be my child - so we wouldn't go down that route anyway. We can let them perish of course but I much prefer the idea of donating them to science.

I have seen (and experienced) so much heartache through my IVF journey and the thought that my little clusters of cells could possibly help someone else not have to go through such hell, really makes me happy. I don't really think of them as "babies" - they aren't yet - they need that magic spark to make them anything other than a possibilty, so I don't feel too upset about it. I will probably talk to a counsellor before the final decision though.

xx

[Sparklylife]

This must be so so hard! I am kind of glad we never had to make this decision! I have only ever had one frozen embryo and I grew very, very attached to it! It might perhaps have been made stronger because we had two blastocysts that round and the fresh transfer resulted in our little boy! So I could see what could be. The FET ended in miscarriage eventually, but I really could not see myself never trying to transfer it.

I have no advice for you, other than I would probably see a counsellor too.

I hope you are ok and I wish you all the best! Hopefully you will come up with a decision you feel comfortable with and that feels right for you! Whatever that may be! 🧡