I know I am very lucky as at 41 we managed to have a child by IVF after many years of trying and failed attempts. I was clear I just wanted one child but we have two embryos left in the freezer, one which was good quality and nearly got put in the last time. I am finding it difficult to say it should be discarded and to move on. I know logically we should just stick with what we have but I think about the embryo everyday and am now 44. I would consider donating the embryo but don't think I can do it at my age and that also raises issues. How do others find peace with letting their embryos go? Or we could put it back in and then we would just know where we stood. Any advice?
Written by
Alpop
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Congratulations on your little one - IVF is a rough ride.
We are in a similar situation (I'm 42) as have a 3 year old little boy after a lot of failed attempts. We had 5 embryos left in the freezer after him. We did 3 transfers last year, the first failed, the second was a chemical and the third worked but was an mmc at 8 weeks.
We now have 2 left and have really been through the mill after the mmc. Our relationship has suffered and I'm scared to go through it all again.
However we have decided that we can't - in our heart of hearts - leave the embryos to perish so we're going again - once these 2 are done we'll draw a line under it.
If the previous one had gone to term and we had 2 left, we had decided to donate them to science. Unfortunately after the age of 35 you cannot donate them for transfer and I couldn't stand the idea of just letting them fade away. I'd rather use them to learn more about the science and possibly help other families in the future.
Obviously it's a very personal choice but this is my perspective.
Difficult decision to make - hope you have taken advantage of the counselling appointment you should be offered while receiving treatment There is also The British Infertility Counselling Association bica.net This not a free service but they are all specially trained in speaking to couples with fertility issues Our website fertilitynetworkuk.org Access Support - offers support for every stage of your fertility journey
Hi lovely if I was you I’d put them back if they work you then have a sibling for your child and if they don’t you can then draw a line under it and move on knowing it’s all done with and you got your beautiful baby
If the embryos are not genetically Pgs tested I would just have a transfer and see what happens with that. Hopefully it will stick.
Otherwise discarding them and then donating them raises feelings and also may not be possible given age and quality etc. and all the usual jazz clinics talk about. That said it is good quality as it worked for you.
No one understands this dilemna until they are here. We have 2 children from our 2 only pgs tested embryos we had (very lucky!). We are 43 and our second is only 14mo. One no result frostie in the freezer. I think about him/her every day, just like I did about the two little humans we have when they were there too. And I imagine one day we will go to get the 3rd one too. Not yet, but I cannot just leave a potential baby there. I imagine how amazing this little humans would be, just like those we already have. The love and the laughs (and fights) around our home. Our chances are 20%. If it happens it happens. If not, then not.
Whatever decision you take will be right for you. Good luck.
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